Someday ...

So I've been thinking a lot about my ideal wedding (when did I ever stop?). Dave really wants a destination wedding but I don't see that happening considering the health of my older family members and my divorced parents who can't even be in the same room as each other much less a tropical resort. If we weren't able to do the destination wedding, I (and Dave) would want something small, intimate, and budget friendly. Here's what I'm thinking:

Location: Shoreline Center or the Brazilian Room (both are outdoorsey and run by the regional park district so they are CHEAP!)
Number of Guests: 80 (small!)
Colors: I'd want pink and silver/white but I think Dave would like pale blue and sea green better.
Decorations: DIY flowers and candle centerpieces. The room and it's view wouldn't need a lot.
Food: Nothing super fancy. I'm thinking that I'd love to have a lunch time reception so that everyone could fully enjoy the beauty of the location in the daylight. The only must have is a chocolate fountain!
Cake: Simple. Safeway has these super cute cakes they've started making.
Music: No dancing since I REALLY can't imagine my family dancing at a wedding. I think it would be really neat to have a steel drums band playing as background music through out the reception. First dance (and the only dance) would be to something Bob Marley like One Love or Stir It Up.
After Party: I'd love to have a party trolley after the wedding as a post wedding celebration for our friends to get crazy and drunk at (especially since our friends love to get crazy and drunk!). Bar hopping and dancing through the streets of San Francisco.
Honeymoon: 2 weeks in Costa Rica

Unfortunately, I don't think that I'll be wedding planning any time soon. Dave and I had a detailed discussion on finances this weekend since Dave's trust fund became available to him on his 30th birthday. In the past I had always known about Dave's credit union savings account which has some money in it but not enough for an engagement ring. Well ... I found out this weekend that Dave has several accounts, CDs and mutual funds with money easily available in them. The boy has more then $20,000 saved! I'm really proud of him but at the same time I'm kind of bummed cuz him buying an engagement ring is no longer an issue of saving money as I had previously thought. Now it's just a waiting game for me to sit patiently until he becomes ready to marry me ;-/

Cuz I Want To

I stole this from Kathy. I like this game.

10 Years Ago ... I was 15 and had just finished my freshman year of high school. I was madly and hopelessly in love with a boy named Justin whom I had dated for 2 months but had recently broken up with me. Many years later I found out that he had a girlfriend the entire time we were dating (we went to different high schools). My biggest worries at this time were boys, the purple pick up that I wanted for my 16th birthday, braces, and how to talk on the phone late at night without my Dad catching me.

5 Years Ago ... I was 20 and dating the scum bag (ex)boyfriend that I hate. We had been dating a year and he had come to my parent's farm to work for the summer so that we could be together (we went to different colleges). I still lived with my parents and was pretty innocent.

1 Year Ago ... I had just broken up with Jay and was living with Scott and Steve whom I was having TONS of fun with. My life consisted of work, late night drinking, concerts and impromptu jam sessions at our house. My relationship with Nathan was pretty much over but I was still fooling around with Scott, kinda had the hots for one of Scott's bandmates, was starting to see Lee (the motocross rider), casually dating a coworker who worked in another office, and starting to talk to Dave via email about playing on his softball team. Whew! Too many boys!! Not sure how I kept them all straight! I also had a super cute body. I wish I had that body again ;-(

Yesterday ... Working then home to cook dinner for Dave.

Today ... Working, gym, then dinner with Dave's family to celebrate his birthday.

Tomorrrow ... Sleeping in!, yoga, mini-shopping spree at Ikea to pick up a few small items that Dave and I need for the apartment, and gardening. We'll also be hookah shopping since Dave wants a new hookah badly. Luckily, we live very close to Berkely and the Haight/Ashbury area where smoke shops are abundant and a plethora of hookahs can be found.

Give the Chef Your Regards

Last night I outdid myself. Seriously. Dinner was ABOVE and beyond good. So yummy. I drool just thinking about it. ;-9 The filet mignon wrapped in bacon had this intense taste that contrasted nicely with the delicate meat. And the garlic sauce worked so well to compliment the meat and its flavor. The green beans and carmalized inions turned out perfect. And the garlic mashed potatoes were excellent as well with their creamy, buttery taste. To top it all off there was opera cake which had an excellent balance of chocolate and coffee flavors. *drool*

Besides dinner, last night was nothing exciting as I expected. The night before, the business dinner at the expensive steakhouse was canceled so Dave stayed at work until 11pm getting stuff done while I went to kickboxing and then read my book until he got home. Having a night like last night where all we did was lay in each others arms and not think about work was really needed. ;-)

PS Thanks to Rosalie, I am on a David Gray kick again. Ahhhh ... I love me some Kangaroo.

Happy Birthday Dave!!!

Today my favorite Cancer turns 30!!! WOOO!! Unfortunately, we don't have any big plans (per his request). Tonight is dinner at home (filet mignon with garlic sauce, green beans, mashed potatoes and opera cake). Tomorrow is dinner at a semi-nice restaurant in town with his family. Nothing big.

I gave him his big present a few weeks ago (I suck at keeping surprises!) I got him a really nice suround sound system for the living room, tickets to see his Reel Big Fish at the Fillmore, and a new controller for his PS2.

Office Drama

My office is in danger of burning down due to a 10,000 acre wildfire that is nearby. Is it sad that I'd be completely okay if it burned down??? I'm just so unhappy at work lately. I need to learn not to take things so personal cuz I'm really starting to resent some of my coworkers and coming to work each day is becoming a chore that I don't enjoy. My boss can be so selfish and self centered some times that it makes it really hard to be around the guy. Then my coworker got married Monday night. It really hurt my feelings that after talking 24/7 non-stop about her wedding and ALL of it's details for the last nine months, that she decided not to invite most of the office to the event. Tact anyone? I definetely learned my lesson that IF I ever become engaged that I wont be discussing my wedding at work if I don't plan on inviting coworkers (which I don't).

Sidenote - If you read that article that I linked, please note that I don't work at the nuclear testing facility that they talk about. My office is close to it though. I don't drink the water!

In other office drama related news, Dave and I are supposed to go to a business dinner tonight at a very expensive steakhouse that has supper yummy food. Unfortunately, I'm thinking that it'll just be Dave going since his boss doesn't want to bring his wife. Does it have anything to do with the fact that he's cheating on his wife with several younger employees??? Hmm..... So, I'm trying my best not to act super bummed about not getting to go to the fancy dinner even though I am. Damn cheating bosses.

Home Sweet Home

6,445 miles traveled
6 airports
5 flights
5 hotel rooms
12 nights
14 days
1 happy girl to be back home!!!

I came home on Friday night to be greeted by Dave at the airport. I've never been so happy to see that boy. On Friday, there were tons of storms in Atlanta (my connecting airport) so my flight from Gainesville was delayed for several hours and almost canceled. Luckily, everything worked out and I was able to get to Atlanta without missing my connecting flight since it had been delayed for 3 hours.

This weekend I layed around like a lazy bum with Dave. I really needed the relaxation! I also did my best to eat healthy since when I was in Florida I ate way too much cuban food, boiled peanuts, and New Orleans style seafood (YUM).

On Saturday afternoon, Dave and I went to his parent's house to swim in the pool with his cousin and the kids. It was a really nice time and we took some super cute pics.

Now it's back to work. Yuck ;-(

Sushi with Rosalie!!!

Last night I met up with Rosalie and we had some EXCELLENT sushi ;-D (See the super cute pic on Rosalie's blog). I had such a fantastic time with Rosalie. She's such a sweetheart and sooo gorgeous!!! It made me a less homesick to get to eat dinner with someone that I actually know which was great cuz I'm feeling super homesick lately. It doesn't help that I'm pretty much done composing my report so I don't have much left to do here but sit around and act busy. I can't wait to see David tomorrow!

PS Congratulations to Tammy who gave birth to a 9 pound baby boy this morning! Hopefully she has a speedy recovery from her c-section ;-/

Life Lessons

Learned the Hard Way:
ALWAYS pack a clean pair of underwear and a change of clothes in your carry-on luggage when flying!!!

I arrived in Gainesville, FL on Monday afternoon (24 hours after I should have). I was one stinky girl due to no shampoo, no conditioner, deoderant, toothpaste, toothbrush, or clean clothes since 6 am the previous day. I landed and soon learned that my luggage was still at the Charlotte NC airport and it was unknown when it would be returned to me. I was still in my baggy comfy clothes that stank as a result of me wearing them for the previous 36 hours. Luckily, I was picked up from the airport by a Florida coworker and taken to Walmart so that I could buy some NEEDED toiletries and a change of clothes (I got a really cute shirt, skirt, and pair of sandals). I met up with the rest of my coworkers before taking off on a 3 hour drive South.

I can't believe how much I am enjoying the Florida weather. The Bay Area has no humidity and rarely exceeds 85 degrees but surprisingly I am loving the warm, humid Florida air that envelopes my body like a thick blanket. Heat has never bothered me but I can't stand the cold! The only things that I don't like about FL are the lurking alligators in every waterbody and the mildew smell that permeates every hotel room and sometimes the outside air. I am loving FL so much that I really want to come back in the future and explore Miami, Everglades and the Florida Keys.

PS My luggage was FINALLY returned to me 5 minutes ago! WOO HOO!!!

My Relaxing Weekend *SARCASM*

Saturday - I spent the day exploring DC by myself. I walked ALOT but all in all I had a really enjoyable time alone. They say that you should love spending time with yourself before you can ever expect anyone else to love spending time with you. I completely believe that. Things I saw:
* US Capitol Buildings - LOTS of steps!!!
* Botanical Gardens - Gorgeous and humid. A must-see for a plant science geek like me.
* Museum of Natural History - Packed with tons of kids. Worth the crowds to see the Hope Diamond ;-)
* National Aquarium - Disappointing. Small ;-/
* Dinner at some sushi restaurant that was highly rated by several websites but was nothing like my beloved west coast sushi ;-(

Sunday
* Woke up at 7am to catch my flight from the DC area to Gainesville, FL.
* 9am - Flew to Charlotte, NC for a layover.
* 1pm - Connecting flight to Gainesville was CANCELED due to hurricane winds. Stayed at the airport in hopes of catching the next available flight. I was supposed to meet Rosalie for some sushi (I'm SUCH a sushi whore and I REALLY wanted to see Rosalie!!)
* 5pm - Hurricane winds were unrelenting and flights to Jackson, Alabama, Atlanta, and most of Florida were being canceled left and right. I gave up and booked a hotel room at a nearby hotel for the night. Unfortunately, the airline wasn't able to return my checked baggage to me so as I type I'm stuck in an airport hotel room with no transportation, no clean clothes, no clean undies, no toiletries and I STINK! Oh! And I have a meeting as soon as I get off the plane when I arrive in Florida. I'm thinking that I'll attempt a quick change in the bathroom as soon as my checked baggage is delivered off the airplane.

Sheesh. I think I need a weekend to re-coop for these past few days!

PS And I really REALLY miss Dave ;-( I love that boy so damn much!

PPS My brother had his baby on Friday (eek! I'm an Aunt!!!). A close friend of Dave's family had his baby a few days before that. They say good things come in 3s so here's hoping that my close friend Tammy pops ASAP!

Inside My Week

My week here in DC is finished today. Tomorrow I'll spend the day sightseeing the Capitol and then Sunday I depart for rainy Florida. While here I worked on a spreadsheet that compared our National employee demographics to the US Census demographics, went to a few meetings, met lots of people, and walked too much in high heels. The week was not as stressful as I imagined it to be but I wasn't bored either. A perfect blend that allowed me to stay busy and be productive while playing on the internet from time to time.

I took the Metro yesterday, and despite the heightened security level everything was the same as any other day that I had taken the Metro. Disturbing? Yes. After what happened in London I was hopping that security would have been increased in some shape or form. Random bag checks? Pat downs? Metal detector wands? Nada.

I'm missing David more and more but not so much that I feel like crying myself to sleep. The hardest part is giving him a call at 9:30pm before my bedtime and listen to him talk about just getting off work and the list of things he has to do that night since it's only 6:30 there. The nice part has been that I come home to a nice, clean quiet hotel room and I'm able to curl up in bed, read my book, eat dinner when I want and then go work out at the hotel gym when I want. Ok. Time for me to get back to work. One more week ...

Cori & Dave's $50 Vacation

Sun, July 3rd - After taking a red eye flight from Oakland to Dulles, Dave and I finally arrived at our hotel around 10am est. What a journey!!! Work paid for my flight and Dave had a free flight voucher that cost him $50 to use so unfortunately we were forced to take separate airlines. His flight ended up leaving 4 hours late but I waited in the airport for him so we could take the taxi to the hotel together. The wait ended up being only an hour during which I read my book and tried not to cry. I am so damn pathetic. I was away from the boy for 8 hours and I missed him like I was never going to see him again. Pathetic ;-)

So we got to the hotel and were both so excited to see Washington DC that we took a shower and then headed out again even though we had both only slept 2 hours each on the flight. Our 1st stop was the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. Interesting. Free. It was my first time being at a Smithsonian Museum and I was impressed by the size and variety of interesting exhibits to see. Afterwards, Dave and I headed off for the Bureau of Engraving. His Dad wanted a few new nickels from there so we promised that we would stop by and see what they had for sale (his Dad's so cute!). On the way there we walked by my department's national headquarters which takes up an area of 7 city blocks!!! It's massive!!! Of course that set off Dave, aka 'my lil Republican' on a small rampage about federal government and how my department building was way bigger then his Fortune 50 company buildings and some of their warehouses. He was being cute so I didn't mind his republican rants. The Bureau of Engraving was closed for the weekend and holiday (which we thought might be the case) so we decided to grab a bite to eat and then head back to the hotel for a nap.

After taking a 3 hour nap, we woke up and got dressed for dinner. We went to the 'Grill from Impanema' where we ate some REALLY good Brazilian food, drank cachaca, and saw Pedro Martinez also eating dinner! After dinner, we walked the short distance to 18th Street where there is lots of bars and restaurants on a 4 block walk. We passed by some swanky bars, dive bars, ice cream parlors, a sushi joint that served food on a roof top (it looked soooo romantic), several Ethiopian restaurants, and a few hookah bars. Dave and I drank a few drinks in a small non-descript bar and then headed for a hookah bar. I LOVE hookahs (they remind me of my college days) and so it was great to share that activity with Dave. After the hookah bar, Dave and I took a taxi back to our hotel.

Mon, July 4th - After Dave and I slept in (WOOOO!!) we headed out to see as many monuments as we could in the Mall. We saw the Monument, World War II Memorial, Vietnam Memorial, Lincoln's Memorial, and Korean Memorial. My favorite was probably the Korean Memorial which I hadn't see when I was in DC last time. Even though our feet hurt from so much walking we continued on to the Smithsonian American History Museum. After fighting crowds and touring 2 of the 3 floors, we decided to call it quits and head back to the hotel room for some order in pizza and rest!!!

At 7:30 pm we left the hotel room, walked the short 3 blocks to the Mall, went through the extensive security check, and plopped down our blanket on a small section of grass that we found. Everything was relatively easy compared to the over-exaggerated news reports that we kept watching on TV that said that the Mall was packed and that security would take an hour to go through. Dave and I cuddled on the blanket while we watched the fireworks explode behind the Monument. A great way to end the evening ;-)

Tues, July 5th - I took the Metro to work while Dave stayed at the hotel and did some sight seeing. While I was gone Dave attempted to go to the Bureau of Engraving and Printing but they ran out of tickets 4 people ahead of him ;-(. Dave also saw the Holocaust Museum and bought souvenirs for his family. On my way home from work, I barely missed a HUGE thunderstorm that drenched everyone trying to get home. When I got to the hotel Dave was waiting for me outside so we sat on a sidewalk bench and watched the rain fall. In California we don't get summer rains so feeling the hot, wet air was a nice experience for us.

After the thunderstorm cleared up, Dave and I took a taxi to this great Texas BBQ restaurant called Capitol Q. YUMMY! After dinner, Dave and I decided to walk the 7 blocks back to the hotel because the night was so warm and perfect (and I ate too much). On our way home we window shopped, got coffee at Starbucks (there were 4 in the 7 block walk), sat in a park, listened to Cicadas, and watched some lightning bugs. We don't have cicadas or lightning bugs in California so it was really neat to see and hear them.

Wed, July 6th - Dave left for the airport today while I went to work ;-( I thought I'd be a crying mess when we said good bye but surprisingly I wasn't. I think I've fooled myself into thinking that he'll be in my hotel room when I get home. Plus, I was anxious and scared earlier this week when I didn't know what it was going to be like to work in NHQ and it was really nice to have Dave nearby to hold my hand on the 1st day.

I still think it's going to be hard for me when I have to go to bed alone tonight. Dave wont be there to spoon me or stroke my hair. He wont be there to bug me when I attempt to read the paper. And he wont be there this weekend to walk around the capitol with me (I think that part will be really hard cuz we've never spent a weekend apart). I'm gonna miss that boy ;-(

Ho Hum

Dave and I are leaving tomorrow for Washington DC. Dave will be returning on Wednesday while I stay for the entire week. Then I'm flying directly to Gainesville for another week.

Tonight's the last night that I'll sleep in my home until July 15th. The thought of not being able to see my home or Dave for the next few weeks is seriously bumming me out ;-( Even though I know that I'll have fun in DC/Florida and that I'll be meeting some influential people that will further my career. I don't want to leave!!!

So after some serious thought I've come to the realization that Dave prolly wont be proposing until we're reached the year and a half mark. I can sense that it's just not as important to him as it is to me. I can garantee myself that the boy hasn't even walked into a jewelery store yet cuz he's so clueless on rings and I'm pretty sure that he hasn't asked anyone for help yet. So ... whatever. I'm all around bummed.

Candy Apples, Popcorn, & Deep Fried Twinkies! Oh MY!

Dave and I went to the local fair last night. It was something different to do for the evening and I really REALLY wanted Dave to try deep fried twinkies. Mmmm ... ;-9 Plus, I grew up showing livestock (sheep, pigs, horses and cattle) at 8-10 county and state fairs EACH year from the ages of 9-20 so the fair is something that I have very fond memories of and I wanted to share some of those with Dave. It was a really nice time walking all over the fairgrounds with Dave, seeing the livestock, trying different foods (the deep fried snickers were NASTY, blech) and seeing the different exhibits.

As always, Dave was really sweet the entire night, he bought me anything I wanted, walked where I wanted to walk and saw all the exhibits that I was interested in with eagerness. That boy just rocks me in every imaginable way. I never knew that I could be living with someone after dating for almost a year and still be so completely enamored by that person. I'm in LOVE!!! Sticky-gooey-makes-people-want-to-puke LOVE!!! And I'm so completely happy. Happier then I've ever been in my entire laugh. Ahhhh! ;-D

Sweaty Palm Discussions

I so need to work on the whole communication thing. Last night, Dave and I talked a lil bit about the whole engagement thing. And when I say we talked 'a lil bit' and not 'alot a bit' it's cuz I clammed up with fear of what he might think about the words coming out of my mouth. Would he run away?? Would he get mad??? Is it a mistake to be talking about this subject??? So while Dave cuddled with me and tried his best to extract my thoughts on the subject, I was rigid with anxiety and sweating profusely from my little hands and feet (but not my face or rest of my body. Go figure!). I need help.

Anyways back to the discussion. I mentioned that I had read some engagement stories on the internet and he asked me if it was making me think. I answered that yes it honestly was. He asked me if it was making me wonder if we'd ever reach that stage and I said yes. He told me that he thinks we will reach that stage someday or else he wouldn't have moved in with me. Plus things are going so well for us. Then he asked if it was making me imagine the various ways he might actually propose. I told him that I do wonder that but not in great detail cuz he could put it in a cereal box and I would bawl and think it was the most romantic proposal ever. The actual way it happens is not so important to me (even though I really hope that it actually is romantic and thoughtful). He then asked me if I was thinking of anything else. After hemming and hawing I finally asked him what his timetable was because maybe he's thinking that he wants to date for 5 years and then think about engagement while I'm thinking a much shorter time frame. I don't know cuz we've never talked about it! He told me not to worry that we are on the same timetable. I'm not really sure what that means since that was the limit to the discussion but I don't think he realizes that I would be happy if we got engaged in the next 8 months.

In Your Ear

I love this city. This weekend was San Francisco's annual Pride Parade which honors the fact that SF and it's residents are so open minded on a variety of topics (equal rights to spanking).

As part of the celebration, my favorite radio station, Live 105, changed it's radio format slightly. Replacing the usual weekend DJs were cross dressers and transvestites who played songs that celebrated gay rights mixed in with the usual music. Very fun and different. Their motto for the weekend:
"We're Here
We're Queer
We're in Your Ear"

Frustration

I weighed myself this morning. Even though I've been exercising for 1.5 hours each day (hour of cardio and 30 min of strength training) and I have been drinking slimfast instead of eating for the past few weeks, I weighed myself and saw that I weigh more then I have in several years. Since I began dating Dave, I've gained almost 20 pounds!!!

What am I doing wrong??? I drink my slimfasts for breakfast and lunch, eat 2 snacks through out the day (fruit or granola bars), stay away from alcohol and eat reasonable dinners. AND I have been working out on a regular basis for the past 3 years!

The South Beach Diet really worked for me but it made me so sluggish that I really couldn't work out with such low energy levels. And it was just so strict that I had a really hard time sticking with the program on a long term basis.

A couple years ago, I went to the doctor and he found nothing wrong in any of the lab tests he took so I don't think it's my body's fault. Errrrr! I need to find someway to get my weight under control again. I feel so fat and nasty.

Indulge Me and My Fantasies

Work has been hectic and my boss has been a bit of an a** as of late. To keep myself from running down the hallway screaming, I've been reading this cute website of engagement stories whenever I feel like I'm getting way too frustrated. And of course the website has been making me think of perfect engagement scenarios which has been a great way to put a smile on my face. So cuz this is my blog, here is a couple ideas that I think would make perfect engagements:

1) Dave will be coming with me to DC for the 4th of July weekend. He'll leave for Cali on Wednesday while I remain to finish my detail. I think this is just so awesome and sweet of him. It'll make leaving for DC so much easier on me (otherwise I would have had to ripped from his arms at the airport). So I think that it would be so romantic and perfect if Dave proposed after we watch the huge fireworks show on the 4th but I know that wont be happening since we haven't seriously talked about engagement yet. Oh well ;-/

2) Our anniversery is coming up in August. I would love it if he proposed on that day. I could care less how he did it.

3) For some reason 'at home' proposals have never appealed to me. In the past I have never found them to be romantic or creative. But now that Dave and I have our first home together and it means so much to me, I couldn't imagine many other things better then walking home from work and finding a dark house lit with candles ALL over, flowers everywhere and rose petals on the floor ;-)

4) Ever since I was a little girl, I've always imagined that it would be great to become engaged on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco. I love that city and their isn't anything more romantic than sailing through the bay at night.

4) My favorite proposal idea (actually I think they are all my favorite) would be to take a short day trip to a beach in Santa Cruz or Monterey/Carmel (about 1.5 hours away). Pack a lunch and a blanket, sit on the sand and watch the sunset. It would combine all the elements of my perfect proposal: romantic, intimate, classy and simple. Even better would be returning to the same beach that we camped at almost a year ago.

Open Up My Head and Let Me Out

I've always had this problem with communication. There will be a problem with someone that I love and instead of talking about it, I'll hold everything inside until it eats at me and I'm left making drastic actions to solve the problem.

It started with my Mom who doesn't take criticism well and has a flare for drama. So anytime my Dad or I would say something negative towards her, she would fly off the handle and make you regret that you had said anything at all. After she gave us a long silent treatment and took several retaliation steps we were usually begging for her to forgive us and forget that anything was said at all.

Then my 1st real boyfriend was an a-hole so anytime I would try to discuss a relationship problem he would immediately turn the tables and blame the problem 100% on me. Or sometimes he would completely dismiss the problem as some stupid thought of mine that didn't deserve attention and he would ignore what I would say. If that wasn't possible then he would lock himself in his bedroom and pout until I begged for forgiveness. One time none of those worked and I continued to hold my ground cuz I was tired of his BS so he hit me. Our relationship didn't last much longer then that.

Jay didn't take criticism well either. I would bring up a problem and Jay would immediately begin to blame himself and cry in an effort to gain pity (my honest opinion). So nothing really got resolved cuz usually the attention was diverted from trying to solve the problem into trying to convince Jay to stop the pity party and act like an adult. I must admit that Jay and I had very few problems but the few problems we did have kept returning unresolved.

So I REALLY shouldn't lay the blame on everyone else but they certaintly haven't helped me feel like I can openly and honestly discuss what is on my mind.

And then came Dave. That boy is just so open and calm with me. I can tell him anything and he doesn't yell, scream, put me down, ignore me, or try to lay blame. He's just so gentle and willing to talk about everything that needs to be talked about until we reach a compromise or agreement. I can't believe it! I still have a hard time taking the 1st step and introducing the problem talk because it's been so ingrained in my head for the past 25 years that he'll react in a negative manner towards me. But I'm trying. Really really trying. I'm so lucky to have found Dave and to have him in my life. I'm still not sure how I got as lucky as I am ;-)

One Year Ago ...

One year ago, I had just broken up with Jay and was living with the world's worst case of guilt. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't concentrate. And I couldn't stop feeling guilty. It's only been within the past few months that I've been able to let go of the guilt and anger that consumed me every time I thought of Jay.

One year ago, I was still living with Jay. He banned me to the couch while he slept in the bedroom and played a very angry version of 'Halloween' repeatedly on his guitar (that didn't help with the guilt). Life was hell for me!!! I was desperately looking for a new living situation when I came upon Scott & Steve's craigs listing. I thought Scott was the hottest thing I'd ever seen.

One year ago, I attended a wedding of a sorority sister and spent the evening laughing like I needed to. Britney spent the evening puking and later passing out in the woman's bathroom. That night I became reacquainteded with Nathan. One day after officially breaking up with Jay I thought that I had fallen back in love again. He ended up being a jerk and trampled on my heart a bit but I must thank him for taking my mind off Jay and his antics. Also he took me on one amazing date that made me feel like a princess (even though I would NEVER date Nathan again!)

Wow. It's amazing all that can happen in one year.

Boring Update (But Not Wedding Related)

I think I've eaten more this weekend then I have any other weekend ... EVER. Friday night, Dave and I decided to order food in and relax. It was really really nice but I probably shouldn't have ordered the baby back ribs and fries.

Saturday about 15 people from Dave's family came over and we had a small housewarming party. It was my first real party that I hosted so I was surprised at how relaxed and non stressful everything was. Good time filled with big hamburgers, chips, dips, cheese spreads, fruit salad, potato salad, cakes, margaritas, wine and beer. Of course there was tons of leftovers so that wasn't a help at all!

On Sunday I met my Dad for breakfast halfway in between Fresno and the Bay Area. It was nice to see him and talk with him. It also felt good to know that I went out of my way to see my Dad for a few hours. I then drove back up to the Bay and met Britney at my favorite sushi restaurant. Yum ;-9 We then went back to my place so she could see it and we could drink some champagne while watching girly tv shows and talking. I really enjoyed having the few hours to spend with Britney ;-) Later that night, Dave and I went to his parent's house to bbq some food and celebrate Dad's day with Dave's dad. A good but long day.

Perfect Engagements

As a woman, I've often dreamed about the ideal romantic setting for getting engaged. I've also watched many hours of TLC's Perfect Proposal so I know that I like something intimate, simple and classy. I also know that I don't like anything that involves a lot of people, huge elaborate schemes, the public, or involves games in any way. Unfortunately, my 3 perfect proposal ideas have been used recently:

* Within this last month, cutey pie Ashley was popped the question after seeing her favorite band. I've always thought it would be SOOO incredibly awesome to be at a DMB concert (my fav band) and then during Lover Lay Down or even Crash to find my boy on his knee. I know that a concert is not intimate or classy but it is sentimental (for me) and DMB has some damn romantic songs.

* 2 months ago, Ryan proposed to Tamar by taking her to a winery whom he had coordinated with to have a romantic table set in the middle of their vineyard next to a creek. Ryan took Tamar to the winery to taste some wines then led her to the table to finish their wine and eat some bread. While looking at the beautiful scenery Ryan got down on one knee and proposed to her. Awww! To make the story even better, the next week they left for a pre-planned trip to Hawaii. She thought it was for a vacation unknowing that he had planned it as way to celebrate. I don't know how you get much more perfect then that!

* Last week, my sorority sister Jayme was on vacation in Cabo San Lucas with her boyfriend to celebrate college graduation. While walking down the beach at sunset they stopped and JR proposed. Can you beat being someplace romantic and beautiful with the one you love the most???

I wonder what inspiring and romantic way will be left for me when my time comes (in 5-10 years) ;-(

Instant Best Seller!

I've decided to work through the bitterness that has come with knowing 7 people who are engaged (4 sorority sisters, 1 friend, 1 coworker, Dave's sister) by writing a book titled "That Stupid Bitch is Getting Married and You're Not". Chapters to be included are:
* It's OK to Hate the Bride
* Ways to Steal Her Thunder
* Reasons Why You're So Much Prettier Than She Is
* Ways to Make the Bride-to-Be Fat
* How to Manipulate Your Man Into Proposing To You
* Using Witchcraft to Ruin Her Big Day -and-
* Be Happy, They'll Get Divorced Soon

Who's Left???

Another sorority sister called me today to announce that she has gotten engaged!!!! Woooo. Even though I'm a lil bitter (I just really really want it to be my turn!) I'm actually SUPER happy for her. She and her boyfriend have been dating for over 2.5 years and she recently moved back to the Napa area while he stayed in the Central Valley cuz they both graduated from college and she didn't want to live with him or anything like that without marriage (she has high morals). So yay for her!!! She's a classy and fun girl so I'm sure that this will be a very memorable wedding. I can't wait to see her ring!

In other news, last night Dave and I made bbq hawaiin chicken, white rice, and veggie kabobs. Mmmmm ... ;-9 Seriously, try out that recipe. SOOO good, easy and relatively healthy. Add some hawaiin sweet rolls and you have an easy dinner for company to enjoy.

I also want to thank the General Mills sales rep who met with my boyfriend to discuss new products and gave him bobble headed Count Chocula, Boo Berry and Frankenberry dolls. Dave liked them SOOO much that he brought them home so they could be used as decoarations! YAYYY!! (Do you hear the sarcasm in my voice???) I always knew that the best way to showcase a look I call 'pottery barn meets beach chic' was to add cereal figurines through out the apartment!

5 Things …

Wedding season is here and I feel like every tv show I watch, newspaper article I read, magazine story I see, or person I talk to is wedding related. It doesn't help that I have 3 sorority sisters, 1 co-worker, 1 friend of Dave's, and Dave's sister all engaged. I feel like I've been able to move past the initial jealousy and wedding-mania that has struck me for the past few months. I'm starting to realize that I need to clearly think about what's important to ME before I get engaged (besides a huge rock). So here are 5 things that I want before Dave and I become engaged:

1. Dave to quit smoking.
2. Long discussions on children, marriage, and our wedding.
3. Lose 15 pounds.
4. To feel like Dave and I have been together forever. To not remember what life was like before we found each other.
5. Live together for at least 3 months.

Drum Roll Please!

I went to the breast cancer center yesterday to have my boobie felt up and sonogramed. The doctor closely inspected everything and announced that I was ok. In fact, the lump has gotten smaller since my last doctor's appointment! WOOO!!! (Not that the lump was big to begin with).

Dave being the super sweet heart that he is, bought me flowers after he went grocery shopping. Yay!

Alicia's Story

I was reading the San Francisco Chronicle the other day when I came across an article written by a young woman (23) who has a rare untreatable cancer. If you have the time read Alicia's Story or better yet, order the book ($12) for yourself or someone you love. Not only is Alicia a great writer but her story is inspiring, uplifting, and memorable. A truly great read.

Kicking & Screaming

Today I reluctantly went back to work after having a glorious week of vacation which I spent unpacking our new home and watching TLC stories on TV. I really REALLY didn't want to go back ;-( I'm not sure how new mothers return to work after having 6-10 weeks of vacation and a tiny new baby. I probably couldn't do it and I really love my job (most of the time).

The good news is that our apartment is completely unpacked and the garden has been planted. All that's left is to hang a few big picture frames. I'll have pictures sometime later this week of our new pad and it's super cute decorations. I'm really proud of my decorating skills especially since this was my 1st home to decorate. In the past I was either in college (too poor), had roommates who already had decorations for the entire house, or lived in a party house where any decorations or nice furniture would have been ruined easily.

This weekend Dave and I went to a SF Giants baseball game with Ryan and Tamar (free box seats from Dave's work). Ryan and Tamar are the couple who've been dating as long as Dave and me and got engaged about 2 months ago. It was a fun experience even though I was a bit jealous after hearing about wedding plans for 4 hours. I'm getting used to it though. Unfortunately, I think that Dave and I are bound to be the couple that dates for 5 years before even getting engaged. Oh well. ;-/

Feel Yourself Up Tonight

For the last week, I've felt this small lump on the underside of my breast (where my bra wire touches my skin). At first I wasn't too worried about it since I assumed it was some type of irritation from my bra. Well, it's still there so I went to the doctor today to have it checked out. The doctor referred me to the local breast cancer center for further exam by specialists where I'll be checked out in a week or so. I'm not too worried at this point because breast cancer doesn't run in my family and I'm young. Even the doctor said that most likely this is just a common benign cyst.

Dave has been so incredibly sweet about this whole thing. His first reaction was to come to the doctors with me but I told him that wasn't necessary. The lump is on my mind but it's not something I'm super stressed out about cuz I really don't think it's anything serious. It's still great to know that if a biopsy is needed then Dave will be right there by my side to hold my sweaty hands. How did I get so lucky to find a boy as sweet as him???

The lesson of today's post is to go in the shower tonight, lather your boobies up and touch them all over. You never know when you might find something unexpected.

Another One Bites the Dust ...

Sunday morning I woke up early so I started to put away some boxes while Dave slept. His phone rang so I answered it cuz I'm his girlfriend and allowed to answer it and I didn't want the ringing to wake him up. On the phone was his older (and only) sister with some exciting news. She was ENGAGED!! Her and her boyfriend have been dating for 10 months (same as me and Dave). This will be her 3rd marriage (1st ended in divorce at a young age, 2nd ended when he died of cancer a year ago).

I'm excited for his sister. The guy she is dating seems like a great guy and Dave's parents LOVE him. But gosh ... when will it be our turn ;-( I want to marry Dave so badly and watching all our close friends and family get engaged before us is just killing me inside. Seriously, as soon as I heard the news I felt a wave of sorrow and sad jealousy wash over me. It made me glad that Dave was still asleep cuz I was able to sit down for a bit, collect myself and put on a happy face. *sigh*

Bliss

I love my new apartment. It couldn't be any more perfect. Such gorgeous landscaping, serene ponds, 3 relaxing jacuzzis, and all new appliances. Ahhh!! I am SOOO happy.

Moving Day went well. There were few and far between moments when I wanted to rip Dave's head off (as to be expected). And even when Dave had pushed me to my limit or I was just stressing myself out, Dave always knew exactly what to do to make me calm again. I heart that boy.

MOVING DAY!!!!!

Tonight after work, Dave and I will fill up the moving truck with as much as my stuff as possible (hopefully all of it!). Then tomorrow we will be driving to our NEW apartment complex at 10am, doing the walk through of OUR apatment, and unloading (with the help of a few friends). HOLY COW!!! I've never been this excited to move!! EEEEE!!!!

YAY for moving day!

Counting My Days

I think that yesterday might have been the very last night that I will have spent in my old bed!!! Tonight I am going to help Dave finsih packing so I'll spend the night at his house and tomorrow we'll be loading up the moving truck so we'll probably stay at his house again! WOOO!!!

Can I be anymore excited???

This move couldn't have come soon enough. Scott's girlfriend (Courtney) is now living at our house for the summer. Combine this with Steve's girlfriend (Liz) who also lives with us and that makes 5 adults living in our 3 bedroom, 1000 square foot house. Oye Vey. It wouldn't be so bad if Scott and Steve didn't expect me to continue to pay 1/3 of rent (how convinient for them) since in their eyes "we've always divided rent by a 1/3 and it's not fair that I get to change how rent is shared when the 2 of them like rent the way it is". Nevermind that I was never asked if it was ok for their girlfriends to move in.

So for the month of June I put my foot down and said that I would only be paying a 1/5th of rent. 5 people living in our house means rent divided by 5! Of course, the boys are mad at me now but they were mad at me before so I could care less. They've been trying to give me every guilt trip imaginable along with icey stares, silent treatments, and long emails letting me know that I am a horrible roommie for doing this to them. How dare I! Honestly, usually this treatment would normally work on me since I REALLY hate conflict and I'm not trying to be mean to them. I'm just trying to do what is fair. But I keep reminding myself that in 2 days I will be OUT of there so they can kiss my A**!

So ... When Are You Getting Married???

This weekend was the first of many to come (I assume) that involved Dave and me being asked MANY times "so ... when are you getting married???". Oye Vey. I HATE that question!!! First of all, I think it is such a rude question to ask cuz it's such a personal matter (even though I think I have asked it before. Ooops). Second, I'm the girl in the relationship. Do I really know when the big question will come?? If you really want to know and expect the guy to answer then ask him alone cuz he sure isn't going to tell you with the girl by his side. And third of all, Dave and I haven't really gotten to the point where we even talk about OUR marriage in great detail. Being asked that question so many times this weekend just made me want to crawl in a hole and cry. I would LOVE to know when we will be getting married!

On to happier topics: Dave's Mom told me that since Dave has been with me that he has become a changed man and that no other girlfriend in his past has ever made him as happy as he is now. She also told me that they are so thankful that I am in his life cuz they love this better Dave and they are greatful that he found a woman that helps him to be a better man. Awww!!!

Heart Continues to Cook Brain

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- ee cummings

Someday ...

What every girl NEEDS

Monster In Law

Yesterday after work, Dave's Mom and I went to go see the movie Monster In Law. I was really REALLY wanting to see the movie with Dave's Mom since I adore her and hope someday that she will be my mother in law. The movie was cute even though it could have been funnier and more sappy (I like sap!). JLo was so beautiful too (and I'm not a big JLo fan).

Dave stayed home to finish some work that has been piling up on his desk. That poor boy is so overworked. The stress is really starting to get to him and I just don't know what to say or do to make him feel better. Aghhhh .... ;-(

After the movie, I went to the gym and worked out since I've been gaining weight and quickly approaching flat blob status. When I got home I uploaded some pics:

Dave and Me getting ready for the Easter Seals Gala. Notice my new hair color. I'm not blond anymore.

Pics of me and my drunken sorority sisters celebrating graduation.

Wednesday's SF Giants versus LA Dodgers game at SBC Park. What great seats!!!

My Team Sucks

Last night, Dave, his Mom, Cousin Tim, and I went into the city to watch the SF Giants vs. LA Dodgers at SBC Park (can that stadium be ANY more gorgeous???). We had some awesome seats as Dave had gotten his company's box seats for us to use. I'm a Dodger/Angels fan and Dave is a Dodger fan but unfortunately the Dodgers decided to suck last night. I'll have pics to post later.

Nothing much else to report in land of me. I just got back from a short computer software training session at my State Office that I went to with my coworker Jackie. We spent our week eating chocolate delicacies, crepes, sushi, and delicious deli sandwiches. I gained 4 pounds to prove how much we enjoyed eating. Great...

Who Knew Puking Would Be So Much Fun?

Friday night I went down to Fresno to celebrate college graduation with some of my favorite sorority sisters. The night included 45 friends, a party bus, and some bar hopping. The night also included Nathan (the jerk I dated right after Jay) but that went ok. We were civil to each other and did our best to keep out of each others way.

I forget how much I love my sorority sisters ;-( It was so great to be around them all and to laugh and be raunchy and rowdy and to just have the hugest smile on my face all night long. They are my Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte. They are the girls who I can say ANYTHING to and they love me unconditionally. Being around them didn't make me miss my college days but it sure did make me miss THEM. *sigh* I wish that we were all able to live so much closer to each other. I need girls like that in my life more often.

After 3 bars, too many Long Beach Ice Teas, and lots of laughing and dancing, I got sick. Super sick. Puked-more-then-I-ever-have-in-my-life sick. But it was all ok. I was so drunk that puking was a fun adventure for me and I was surrounded by my sorority sisters to take care of me. The cutest thing was that I kept calling Dave in between puking to let him know that I had drank too much. I have no recollection of this but the next morning I gave Dave a call and he told me all that I had said. Oh dear. Hehe.

Revenge of the Sith

Dave, his mom, and I went to go see Star Wars on the IMAX Giant Screen of our movie theatre. Luckily, I got there 2.5 hours before the movie began to sit in line and read my book (The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks). It was quite the experience to be "camped out" in the foyer of the movie theatre with SOOO many other people. Something I will never forget.

I really liked the movie. I thought R2D2 stole the 1st half of the movie with his scenes. The 2nd half was a lil dull since I knew how it would end (Anakin becomes Darth Vader, twins are born, Yoda and Obi Wan live, Padme dies, etc) but it was still really good and interesting to see how everything comes to be.

Revenge of the Roommates

Last night, I went to Dave's house to BBQ dinner (mmmm... tri tip and corn on the cob) and to watch Star Wars Episode II (we have tixs to see Episode III tonight).

Dave's roommates are trying to beat mine in the "Who Has the Worst Roommates? Award". We got there at 6pm to find 3 random guys passed out in the living room with the basketball game on. One guy was sprawled across the couch. Another was in the recliner and the third was laying on the floor. So Dave had to run back and forth from his room to the BBQ to cook dinner while I began the movie in his room so that we could finish watching it by Alias at 9pm. Dave's roommates were nowhere to be found and the sleeping strangers in the living room had no intentions of moving. Dave joked that he now owns a half way house.

So dinner is ready and we realize that there is no way that we'll be able to eat steak while sitting on the bed in Dave's room. Dave comes up with the idea to hook up his TV and DVD in the den so that we can sit on the couch and use the coffee table as a makeshift table. Oye Vey. This works out fine until both of Dave's roommates come home along with 10 of their closest friends. Our movie was interrupted every 3 minutes by someone coming into the den and asking what we were watching and what did we think of the movie (shut up and let me watch the movie!!!) or by the LOUD laughter and talking from the 15 people who were in the living room smoking pot. So Dave and I finish our dinner, disconnect the TV and DVD and move everything back into his room so that we can finish the movie. Ughhh ....

Later that night, Dave goes outside to smoke a cigarette (I know, I know! He's trying to quit). Dave goes outside for less then 5 minutes to smoke in the driveway (like he always does). He tries to come back in the house but the door is locked and no one is answering his knocks. Luckily, Dave had brought his phone with him to smoke so he was able to call me to open the door for him. Poor Dave was livid. There was absolutely no reason that the door needed to be locked. There was 15 people in the living room! Plus, Dave was in the driveway so he could see that no one had come in or out the door. Whichever roommate locked the door, did it to just lock Dave out.

I might be biased but I still think that my roommates will win this war.

Oye Vey.

I just need to keep repeating to myself: 2.5 more weeks til we move. 2.5 more weeks, 2.5 more weeks!!!

Madagascar

Dave, his mom, lil Matthew, and I went to go see a sneak peak showing of Madagascar last night. (Dave got free tixs and free popcorn & sodas through a client at work). Madagascar is the tale of 4 zoo animals who accidently end up on Madagascar and then try to survive. I had seen a few previews and thought I would really enjoy the movie but unfortunately I didn't. It was semi-ok but just not as funny or interesting as it had the opportunity to be. If you have young kids I would take them if they really want to go since the zoo animals moving across the screen seem to keep lil ones interested. But the older kids in the audience could be heard talking (and fighting) during most of the movie.

*sigh*

I want. I want. I want.

What's Next???

Just when I thought my roommates couldn't become any more childish, they decided to HIDE the TV and DVD remote controls from the living room so that the only place Dave and I are able to watch a movie or TV is in my own bedroom. Ummm ... ok!

Seriously, this bothers me but not as much as it would have just a few weeks ago. For a long time I felt like the worse roommate in the world but I've come to realize that I really REALLY don't deserve their BS. There is NOTHING wrong with me asking them to wash their own dishes, be quiet at 2am on a Tuesday night, or clean the bathroom at least once a month. And I can honestly and truthfully say that I have in no way, shape or form been any more demanding or bitchy to them then that. If they want to be childish and give me the silent treatment then fine. I'm not going to let it bother me!

Living in a Dream World

I love my boyfriend. I really do. He just gives me everything that he is able to give me without hesitation. All I have to do is ask and even then sometimes I don't ask and I still get 110% from him. For example, Friday night Dave had several errands to run (ie pick up his tux, drop off a movie at his parents, laundry, etc). I expected him to be done much earlier then he actually was. So it was around 11pm and Dave had just gotten home and I was being whiney about anything and everything. Dave did everything in his power to make me happy again. How awesome is that. I don’t always expect Dave to put myself before his own self interests but it’s such a great feeling to know that he is willing and capable.

Saturday was the Easter Seals Charity Gala in SF. After talking with Dave and letting him know exactly how unexcited I was about saving money by sleeping on a friend’s floor, he got a room at the Crowne Plaza. YAY!!!

The charity gala was better then I ever could have imagined it to be. Does life get any better then:
* SUSHI as the appetizer during the cocktail hour (I LOVE SUSHI!!)
* Free champagne and liquor all night long
* Filet mignon for dinner
* A really great comedian as entertainment (and good PG humor too)
*Being dressed up in a formal gown with Dave in a tux

As always, I was the good lil corporate wife. As Dave was chit chatting with different people, I was made good convo with the wives/dates AND I actually enjoyed meeting most of them. I really love that I am able to support Dave in any way that I can.

Afterwards, a large group of us went to this really neat bar and lounge called CityScape. I don't think that anything could have been more romantic than being 46 stories above one of the most beautiful cities on earth ;-)

The next morning, Dave and I got hot tea then walked around Union Square (our hotel was in the same area). I wasn’t interested in doing too much shopping cuz I am trying to save money (Union Square is well known for its magnificent stores) so Dave and I just walked around and window shopped. A nice relaxing Sunday.

I am such an idiot sometimes. As we were leaving, Dave asked if I wanted to go inside the Tiffany’s & Co. store and I said No!!! I said No! Oye Vey. I think it was 2-3 blog posts ago that I was wishing that someday Dave would ask if I wanted to look at jewelry. Lo-and-behold, Dave does ask me if I want to look at TIFFANY’S jewelry and I say no???? What was I thinking???

Yesterday SUCKED

3am - Woken up by drunk idiot roommates who were coming home from the bars.

5am - Woken up AGAIN by alarm clock of idiot roommate #1 who didn't want to go to the gym at his regular morning hour and therefore kept hitting the snooze button.

7am to 330pm - Work.

4pm - Received call from the apartment manager of the apartment Dave and I really want. I am told that when I lived in my apartment in Fresno that rent was turned in late numerous times and that we received several noise and parking violations that I never knew about!!! It takes about 30 minutes to convince the apartment manager that I had no clue that any of that had ever happened and that it must have been my wonderful roommate that loved to park in the red zone, invite boys over at all hours of the night, and buy clothes instead of pay rent. Errr!!! Apartment manager almost denies our application and then decides to let us have the apartment on condition. Our $300 security deposit has now been increased to $1300!! That's a $1000 more then the original deposit and it was for actions that were completely NOT my fault!!! Great.

5pm - Work out at gym. Gym has decided not to turn on AC even though it is 75 outside and there are hundreds of sweaty bodies exerting heat inside.

6:30pm - Dave comes over for dinner. To save money (cuz Dave is all of a sudden all about saving money) after the black tie gala, Dave and I are going to crash at his good buddy Ryan's condo in SF (the same Ryan who just got engaged). This means that Dave and I will have to sleep on the floor since Ryan's condo is a one bedroom. I'm not too crazy about this especially since I was hoping that Dave and I would have a romantic evening in the city. There is nothing romantic about sleeping on someone's floor! But we're trying to save money and with the new increased deposit amount we really need to save money. To make matters worse, Dave comes over for dinner and tells me that Ryan and Tamar will be spending the day in Monterey therefore we wont be able to drag our blankets and bags up to the apartment before the gala and I wont be able to get dressed or put on my makeup in the apartment either. I'll need to get dressed and ready before driving 45 minutes into the city. Great. *sarcasm* Now I'm really excited about staying on the floor of Ryan's apartment!!! *end sarcasm*

9pm - Fall asleep.

Steady As We Go

I'll walk halfway around the world
Just to sit down by your side
And I would do most anything, girl
To be the apple of your eye
Well troubles, they may come and go
But good times, they're the gold
And if the road gets rocky, girl
Just steady as we go

Any place you wanna go
Know I'll be next to you
If it's treasure, baby, you're looking for
I'll search the whole world through
I know troubles, they may come and go
But good times, they're the gold
So if the road gets rocky, girl
Just steady as we go

When the storm comes down you shelter me
When I don't say a word and you know exactly what i mean
In the darkest times, oh, you shine on me
You set me free and keep me steady as we go

So if your heart wrings dry, my love
I will fill your cup
And if your load gets heavy, girl
I will lift you up
Well troubles, they may come and go
But good times be the gold
So if the road gets rocky, girl
Just steady as we go

Pictures!!

YAY! I finally uploaded pictures from Easter and Sledding last weekend.

Me and Cute-as-a-Button Matthew making an Easter cookie

Really cute cupcakes that I made that look like easter eggs.

Dave and baby Ryan. Is there anything sexier then seeing my tall bf holding the tiny baby??? *melt*

Pictures from last weekend of Echo Summitt near Lake Tahoe. Dave and me are so cute ;-) Can that boy be any sexier??

A Day at the Mall: The Good, Bad & Ugly

Good. After work, I met Dave at the mall to help him pick out a tux to buy. We attend so many charity formal events each year that Dave figured it would be cheaper in the long run to buy a nice tux versus renting a cheap tux each time. Mmmmm ... There is nothing sexier then seeing Dave in a tux. Yum. ;-D The really great thing is that I'm finally feeling like Dave and I really have a life together. When we first began dating, Dave was (and still is) a very indepedant person. If he needed a new shirt, he'd go to the mall and buy himself one. If he was hungry, he'd make himself dinner. If he was sick, he'd drag himself to the store and buy medicine. This has never been a huge issue in our relationship because I appreciate a man who can take care of himself. But it did make me feel like there really wasn't much of an 'us' sometimes. I wanted to go to the mall to help him pick out the shirt. I wanted him to call me to ask if I was hungry too. I wanted him to let me take care of him when he was sick. I think that we have finally reached a nice equilabrium where I feel like he needs me and thinks of me as part of his life but doesn't depend on me for everything (as I've experienced in other relationships).

Bad. Dave and I walked the entire mall so that I could look at more formal dresses. As we walked by the jewelry stores I couldn't help but feel a little sad that Dave and I are not yet to the stage in our relationship where its time to window shop for rings. I really REALLY wanted Dave to grap my hand and lead me into Zales and ask me what I liked. Why am I so wedding obsessed lately??? We've only been dating 9 months. I've never become this marriage minded about a boy after only 9 months!!! I just can't help myself. I've never been able to see myself married to someone before (either I knew we weren't headed for marriage or the thought of being married to them scared me). Every minute of every day I can imagine myself married to Dave without hesitation. I need to stop this. I need to come back to reality and stop oogling the wedding rings, flipping through the weddings mags in the checkout line of the grocery store, and drooling over knot.com.

Ugly. So I looked through the entire mall and I have yet to find a cute dress. My problems:
* Black dresses that look exactly like every other black dress I've worn to every other formal.
* Black dresses that look too much like cocktail dresses and not enough like a formal.
* White dresses that are very cute but look too much like wedding dresses. Plus white dresses stain easily and I'm a messy person. And white dresses don't have the best sliming effect. I need the sliming effect.
* Dresses that are super cute and have super flattering cuts but only come in neon orange, bright teal blue, fuschia, or some other color that resembles a haz mat clean up. Are teenagers really wearing these to prom?? Ughhh...

Hear My Heavy Sighs

One of my favorite sections to read in the newspaper is the engagement and wedding announcements. Even though I don't know the people it's always fun to read what year they graduated from high school/college, calculate the age gap between the couple, learn what profession they are in, and guess how they might have met one another. Yet, lately I can't help but feel a little sad after reading the section each week. Why? I have come to the age in life (25) when most (if not all) of the brides/brides-to-be are the same age or YOUNGER then me. Ouch. When will it be my turn? *sigh*

Yesterday, Dave's mom invited me to join their family to celebrate Mother's Day. See the big cheesy grin on my face? It's cuz I adore that woman and I can't believe how much she makes me feel a part of that family. Dave and I joined his parents for lunch and a movie. Lunch was ok. My stomach is still feeling a bit uneasy from being turned upside down for 6 days so I didn't enjoy eating as much as I normally would have. After lunch we went and watched The Interogater with Nicole Kidman. It was entertaining. Not the worst movie ever but not the most memorable either. As a Mother's day gift I gave his mom a cute book called "100 Reasons Why a Son Needs a Mom". Of course, Dave's Mom thought is was the best little book ever. Go me!

PS WOOOO!!! I just found out that I will be spending 2 weeks in Washington DC for work!!! YAYYY!!!! June 27th to July 8th!! EEEEEeee!!!

A Whole New Level of Intimacy

A couple who takes Imodium AD together, stays together. I think I'm finally done with the horrible stomach virus I had for 6 days. I think Dave's better too after catching the bug from me and suffering for 4 days. Before this, I never knew that I'd be able to openly discuss my disgusting stomach issues with another person and not die of embarrasement. Sometimes I wondered how he would ever find my sexy again. My fears wear laid to rest on Friday morning when he found me very sexy ;-)

I appreciate Dave so very much. I often wonder how I came to be so lucky. That man is everything that I could ever dream of and more so. And he looks at me with sooo much love in his eyes. I never imagined that another person would look at me and I'd just *know* that in every second of every day that this man loves me with so much passion. And the greatest thing is that I love him back just as much. We've only been dating for 9 months, I can't wait for the years to pass by so that we can watch that love grow in intensity.

Yesterday, (thanks to LOTS of Imodium AD) we went for one last chance to play in the snow. It was lots of fun until Dave took a really huge jump and did a backwards somersault thus landing on his back and neck ;-( Words can't describe the horror I felt in watching this man that I adore hurt himself. I was terrified that Dave had seriously injured himself. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. My brain refused to think. Luckily, Dave got up after a few moments of laying their. Praise be to GOD!

Reason #358795 Why I Love That Man

Morning Sex.

He Called Me His Number 1

Last night, Dave's family through me a little birthday dinner party (awwwww! ;-D). Dave's parents were there as well as Dave's s-i-l and the 2 kids (Matthew and Ryan) that I adore. All my favorite foods were served including salmom, asparagus, and a HUGE chocolate cake (YUM ;-9). I adore that family ;-)

Little Matthew helped me blow out the candles on the cake and open my presents. That kid is just too cute and well mannered. He is 2.5 years old and has turned into a lil copy cat. Everything you say he repeats and everything you do he tries to do. It's not that he's being annoying it's more like he's learning from you by doing what you do. I licked my candles after they came off the cake. He licked the candles as they came off the cake. I drank my water. He drank his water. I was standing behind Dave's chair. He wanted to stand behind Dave's chair (he did need some lifting since the poor kid couldn't really see over the chair). I can't wait to watch that kid grow up.

After dinner, Dave and his parents were half-joking that now that there are grand kids that Dave's priority level has decreased. Dave's Mom defended herself by pointing out that Dave never uses his vacation days to do fun things with her but he does that with me. Dave told her that it's because I'm his number 1 priority now ;-D Number 1!!!! Of course that started some discussion but is was all good humored and Dave never backed down from me having the number 1 status.

On the way home, Dave and I had a mini discussion on marriage and engagement. (That's so typical Dave. He's not the type to have some huge, heavy hearted, lengthy discussion where we discuss the state of our union and analyze our relationship. Instead he's more the type to casually bring up topics as if we were talking about what to cook for dinner.) So we were driving home and somehow Dave started talking about how older women never talk about how they became engaged therefore these huge and elaborate engagement schemes are kinda a waste of time. Ahem!!! I set him straight. I told him how he may not hear these engagement stories but that women tell them all the time. He pointed out that huge rings and romantic proposals really don't alter the outcome so maybe women are focusing on the wrong things (ie. marriage between 2 people who love each other vs. 'he jumped through this many hoops and spent $20,000 on my ring'). I refered to one of my favorite episodes of Sex and the City where Carrie finds out that Aiden is going to propose to her with a very ugly ring and she wonders if Aiden really even knows her. Dave then asked me if I would say yes if he proposed to me outside of my office building (ie nothing romantic) versus a vineyard in Napa. My answer: I would say yes either way!

Dammit. I think he proved his point.

Mini Shopping Sprees Make Me Happy

I stayed home from work today cuz I'm still feeling a bit sick from the 48 hour stomach flu (I thought it would only be 24 hour but I was wrong). After watching a few hours of Baby Story and Wedding Story on TLC, I decided to head out to do some shopping. I was really hoping to find some more formals for the black tie gala but unfortunately I didn't. Instead I found some really REALLY cute home decorations. EEEEeee!!! I got this really cute framed palm tree art piece for the main room. A tall candle and metal candle holder for near the fire place. A newspaper holder that fits the decor of the main room well (think the beach meets urban chic). A really cute olive green, tan and eggplant colored bath rug made from recycled clothing. And 4 really cute placemats for the dining room table that were only $3.99 TOTAL. I also got lots of other little things. I so cannot wait to get everything together and take pictures of it! All thats really left for me to get are a mirror for above the fireplace and a few kitchen items. YAY!

Green-Eyed-Monsters.com

Dave's friend Ryan just called Dave's mom to tell her that he was engaged. Let's think about that: Ryan called the MOM of a good buddy cuz he's so darn excited about being engaged. Is there anyone else left to call and share his excitement with??? He might as well start a website dedicated to his joy. Oye Vey.

Errrr!!!! Why am I so jealous about this??? Do I really want to be engaged to Dave that much??? (answer: maybe). Are Dave and I even ready for that HUGE step??? (answer: no but we're getting there). Am I even ready for that huge step??? (answer: not yet). Do I want Dave to be that excited on the day we get engaged??? (answer: yes, with all my heart). What happens if Dave doesn't act as excited as Ryan??? (answer: I'll be even more jealous).

Does Dave even think about marrying me or proposing to me???

Definition of Love

Love is when you're sick with the 24 hour stomach flu and your boyfriend comes over with a cartoon of sherbert ice cream (cuz it's the only thing you can keep down) to fix your DVD player so that you can watch endless hours of Sex and the City and The Notebook.

PS I still wanted to hump the boy even though I had a fever, chills, nasty stomach issues, and a head full of matted hair. I can't help it! The boy is tall, so sexy and incredibly sweet!!!! Plus the blue eyes!!! I'm a sucker for his blue eyes. *drool* I controlled myself though ;-)

Home Sweet Home

On Sunday, Dave and I put a deposit down on an apartment! WOOO!! I'll be even more excited when we actually move into the apartment and are of the rommate hell hole that we currently exist. 32 more days!!!!

Birthday was good. Everything turned out nice. No big surprises which I can't help but feel a bit dissapointed by. But everything went just as I had asked for.

I've been formal dress shopping the last few days because Dave and I have a black tie charity event in 2 weeks. YAY! I love black tie formals. Especially this one since it will be held in San Francisco and that's always fun. Dress shopping hasn't been so fun though. I've gained 15 pounds since the last formal and I'm not to happy with my upper body. I just wish my arms and back were a bit more toned like they were before I gained these last 8 pounds. Errr!!! I did find an ok cute black dress but I'm still going to continue looking. This dress is ok and makes me look slim but it's very similiar to the last 10 dresses I've worn to sorority formals and black tie events over the last 5 years. In fact, it looks EXACTLY like this pink formal I wore my senior year in college. I was really hoping for something different. Time for more shopping!!!

Happy Birthday to ME!

Oh dear. I wanted to marry the lady who gave me my message at the day spa. Her hands and me would have be happy together forever. Happy.

I think the highlight of my day so far has been the egreeting I got from Dave's Mom. In it she told me that she was very happy that I was in his life!!! AWWWW!!!! I wrote back and told her that words can't describe how happy I am to be a part of their son's life.

I adore that woman.

Last Ranting of A 24 Year Old Woman

I've been slaving away at work like a mad woman. Seriously. My days consist mostly of me working long hours, eating, working out, and sleeping. I have a HUGE deadline on May 2nd and I can't wait for it to be met so that I can finally relax again.

My roommates are complete assholes. Both have been super cold to me lately for I have no idea what reason. I really can't do right by those boys. I clean and they complain about the smell. I cook and they complain. I stay in my room and they complain that I'm being antisocial. I tell them how I feel and they complain that I'm being a bitch. I complain when they have loud parties and they hate me. Whatever.

My birthdays coming up TOMORROW!!! I'll be 25! (YAY! Now I can rent cars without having to pay an extra fee. hehe!) I'm really hoping that Dave does something romantic for me but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. Dave has asked me repeatedly what I want for my bday and I've told him the new Jack Johnson CD, flowers, and a lock for my bedroom door cuz I don't trust the boys. I really hate it when he asks me what I want versus trying his hardest to think of what I might like and surprising me. My plans for the day are a pancake breakfast, message and pedicure at the day spa, and dinner at Blue Agave (mmm!).

The Story of 3 Couples

Once upon a time there were 3 couples who all began dating about the same time (August 2004). All 6 people were about the same age (4 were late 20s and 2 were mid 20s). All had good jobs.

The 1st couple is Dave and me.

The 2nd couple is Chris and Kathleen. Chris and Kathleen work together at the same corporate office that Dave works at and had been both been married before. Both are in their late 20s. Their relationship progressed rather fast. They began living together after dating only 2 months. This didn't bother me since Chris & Kathleen were both more experienced in relationships then Dave and I were. Plus I kinda thought that they were moving just a lil bit faster than I wanted Dave and me to move. After dating for 6 months, Chris and Kathleen broke up due to mostly past baggage.

The 3rd couple is Ryan and Tamar. Ryan is the same age as Dave (29) while Tamar is the same age as me (25-ish). Both live and work in the city in the banking industry. When Ryan and Tamar began living together in February it made me a bit upset. Mostly because at the time I was wishing that Dave and I would live together and that Dave would take the first step and ask me to move in with him.

Dave and I just found out yesterday that after taking a vacation to Hawaii, Ryan and Tamar are engaged and will be married next fall. Engaged!! Oye Vey. I can't even began to describe how crushed I was after hearing this news. Not because I wanted to be the 1st couple to be engaged or even because I think Dave and I are ready for engagement. I think what bothers me is that Dave and I don't even talk about marriage. He has told me that someday he would like to be married and that we're dating and heading towards marriage someday (or else we wouldn't be dating). But we don't really talk about OUR future, marriage and all that involves. Does Dave think of me as being 'The One'???? I must admit that we are moving in together and that is a HUGE step and maybe this will lead to future discussions so I want to be patient. But I'm still crushed. And a bit angry for some reason. It didn't help that last night I was watched the episode of Sex in the City where Carrie gets engaged and is given the perfect ring. I know that it will all happen in due time but I'm left wondering when my time will be???

Palabras de Amor

Me: I'm so glad that you're here by my side to take my abuse ;-)
Him: I'm glad that you're here by my side to take my abuse too ;-D
Me: That makes me happy.
Him: Now the question is who takes more abuse?
Me: Definetely me. I'm the abused one.
Him: No way! I'm the abused one.
Me: I hope that we are here to abuse each other for a long time.
Him: Me too.

Oh Dear. I am soooo in love with that boy. IN LOVE. I never knew things could be this good or that I could be this happy! It scares me to think that things could ever become bad between us. I just can't imagine it.

Watch My Head Explode in Randomness

I have lots to say but have been so damn busy that I haven't had time to put it on my blog. So here's a really boring catch up post.

I spent the last week at a conference for work. It's nice to be back home in Dave's arms and to be back at work cuz I have a crap load of work that needs to get done!

Last weekend, I looked at more apartments. I'm starting to get really frustrated. All the really cute places that are newer with nice kitchen cabinets, appliances, bathrooms, flooring, etc. are all between $1600-1800 a month. I am not paying $1800 for a 2 bedroom apartment!!! There are still the 2 that I found the weekend before last and they are ok but just not the newest and cutest and they are still $1400 per month. I'm hoping that Dave and I are able to make a final decision by next weekend!!! EEEEE!!!!

Other weekend activities: Dave and I went to eat dinner with his cousin Tim who is watching the 2.5 year old and 7 month old baby alone for the next few days while their mom got a girls weekend away. I really really adore those kids. They are just soooo well mannered and good hearted. The 2.5 year old favors me and I LOVE that. Too Cute.

I also cleaned the entire house this weekend (I've been gone the past 2 weeks and the house was nasty dirty). Not once did the boys thank me. In fact, they both complained about the smell the entire time. Sorry that I used Pine Sol! And Steve is being a major BRAT lately. Not sure why since I've done NOTHING to him. Scott and Steve's gf are way meaner to Steve and walk all over him and Steve just takes it. I think he's just channeling his aggresion out on me and I don't know why. Honestly, I'm nothing but cordial to the boy. We don't really have a lot in common so I do my own thing and he does his own thing. We have a common wall and share the same bathroom. That's the limit to our interaction. Whatever. I'm so over those boys and ready to move out!!! Just a little over a month! YAY ;-D

Oh God!!

I'm not ashamed to say that I've had my fair share of sex in the past. And I'm not ashamed to say that I've had a few more then my fair share of sexual partners in the past. I also know that Dave has had his fair of sex in the past. We've never discussed it cuz I really don't think it's something that needs to be discussed but the boy is tall, good looking, blue eyed, complete sweatheart, and was in a fraternity in college. I'm not stupid. Plenty of sex was had.

Yet, for the first time ever, I am left with this wish that Dave and I were able to be each others first. The first to see each other naked. The first to make each other go crazy. The first to feel truely intimate with each other. I've NEVER been this sexually connected with another person and it makes me cringe at the thought that another woman has experienced him and his love in the same way I experience it.

However, I must thank all the previous ladies in his life. Without them maybe Dave wouldn't be so damn good in bed ;-D Life's a trade off and I wont ever be Dave's first but hopefully I can be Dave's last. That thought makes me very happy!

Trying to Find My Home

I've been apartment hunting like a mad woman this weekend. I've seen 11 apartment complexes so far and still have 9 more to go. WOO!! Actually, it's been fun. I'm enjoying looking at all of our different options, visualizing how each one would work for us, and being picky! So far I have 2 favorites that are newer and not too expensive.

This weekend I also went shopping in downtown with my new friend Jen. Lots of fun. I'm really enjoying our new friendship and I really enjoyed shopping for home decorations!!! I got this super cute vase which is soooo pretty. Yay ;-D

Now it's time for me to pack for my week long trip to Davis (near Sacramento) for work. Wooo ;-/

Sex and the (Fresno) City

It's nice to be back from my meeting in Fresno. Fresno was fun. Got to see some of my sorority sisters, attend a bit of Sigma Chi Derby Days, eat separate dinners with my Mom and Dad, and hang out with Brit a bit.

I had planned on attending more of Derby Days (a giant party where Fresno State sororities compete against each other in a week long contest) but I was kind of over the whole sorority cattyness. I just don't get jolly anymore out of trying to be the skinniest, prettiest, best dressed sorority who gets all the boys and drinks the most. I must be growing up.

My meeting went REALLY well. I met some super huge people from my NHQ who were really impressed with a presentation I gave. I even got offer to work at my NHQ for 30 days and I'm SUPER excited about that plus it'll look great on my resume. We'll see how everything works though. Sometimes things fall through and I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up too much.

I drove home on Thursday and spent most of the evening vegging a bit. I watched this really cute episode from Season 3 where the girls head out to la-la-land on vacay. Hehe. That episode just reminded me how much I LOVE California. Some of the generalizations they made fun of, are really true. We really are so much more laid back and health conscious here. Don't even think of trying to be a smoker!!! A nice way to end a hectic week.

Hey, I know you!

About 7 months ago I had blogged about my worry that I would never know Dave as well as I knew Jay. Stuff like favorite songs, favorite sandwich toppings, favorite comfort food, childhood memories, intense dislikes, family history, etc. All the little things that come after knowing someone for so long. After 8 months of dating, I can say that I know Dave and that is one of the greatest feelings. And even better is saying that Dave knows me ;-)

Sunday, we went to the birthday party and had fondue. Mmmmm... It was different that what I had imagined but still super good. It was also a very fun party food for everyone to enjoy together. Highlight of the party was spending time with little Matthew, watching VeggieTales. The episode we watched was one where the lil veggies were in the desert and the sheep kept falling over on themselves. TOO CUTE. Even cuter is that lil Matthew has started including me in his night time prayers!! AWWWWW!!!!

When Dave and I got home we went to bed to rest and watch Ray (good movie, good music, sad story). After Ray, we were laying there and Dave asked me to move in with him. Let me repeat that: DAVE ASKED ME TO MOVE IN WITH HIM!!!!! DAVE AND I ARE MOVING IN TOGETHER!!!! EEEEEE!!!! Holy f'ing cow!!!! I still can't believe that he finally asked me ;-D Must breathe. ;-D So now the only part that sucks is that for the next 2 weeks I'll be gone for work when I could be home looking for OUR house/condo/apartment. EEEEeeee!!!!

La, La, LAAA!!

Oh Dear Lord. I am in love. LOVE I tell ya! I just adore that boy. Can he be any more perfect for me???

Playing in the snow on Saturday was LOTS of fun. No pictures but I did bring my video camera and got lots of video of Dave and me falling. Lake Tahoe was absolutely GORGEOUS. The mountains and pine trees were covered with the fluffiest, white snow. It couldn't have been any more gorgeous. The only bad parts of the day were that I popped our super big 56 inch tube by running into a tree, a couple who was really rude and refused to keep clear of our snow run, and Dave tried hitting a super big jump and ended up landing on his head thus hurting his back. But with the good always come the bad and the few bad things that happened were not enough to ruin our trip.

During our trip, Dave talked about us living together which always makes me happy. Nothing big or serious but lots of casual talk such as what small things we will need when we move in together and joking around with each other about what bachelor pad items are marked for Salvation Army. ;-)

Things That Make Me Happy:

1. I just got back from the dentist's office. No cavities. YAY ;-D

2. Tonight my wonderful-hot-sexy-adorable-just-about-perfect-boyfriend will be taking me to SUSHI and ice cream. Yum ;-9 Do I need to remind everyone how much I LOVE sushi. *drool*

3. Tomorrow we are making a day trip to Lake Tahoe to do some playing in the snow.

4. Sunday we are heading to a birthday party where there will be fondue. Mmmm ... fondue. PS I've never had fondue but how could you go wrong with melted cheese and chocolate!!!

5. I'm pretty sure that I'll be getting sex tonight! WOOOO!!!!

Lovely Randomness

I was driving home yesterday and I was looking at the scenery outside and all I could think was how beautiful it is here. I couldn't do much else but stare in awe at the lush green hills, bright blue skies, rolling vineyards as I felt the bay breeze float by my face. Wow. I can't believe that this is my home. Simply lovely.

In other randomness, Dave and I were joking around the other night and Dave made a reference to him being a bachelor. I told him that he was NOT a bachelor. Dave responded that yes he was a bachelor because he wasn't married. I told him that he's still not classified as a bachelor. He asked me what he was then and I told him he's in limbo. ;-D

'Blah, Blah, Blah' is What He Said

Last night after my softball practice and Dave's baseball game, we had a big talk. As Dave could see, I'm super stressed at work and I'm super stressed out by the boys at home and I'm super stressed out by my parents 24/7 and I'm super stressed out by Dave and whether he wants to live with me or not. And me being stressed out is kind of unusual. I am ALWAYS the laid back one. The one who goes with the flow. The one who is always patient, with the smile on my face, and the optimistic view. I am soooo typical NorCal laid back and I like that.

So Dave came over and we talked about the living situation since that's pretty much 1/2 of the reason I'm Miss Little Stress Ball 2005. I told him that he's just not ready and I need to be ok with that and I hate feeling like I'm pressuring him cuz I know that I'm so excited about living with him and he's just not as excited about it and that's ok cuz we've only been dating 8 months. At this point we have nothing but time. But I do need to get out of my house cuz living with the boys who think they are 'rock stars' and I am their personal assistant is driving me batty and terribly unhappy. My proposal was that I move out with someone else and we table the living together debate for another 6 months to a year.

He was having none of that. Dave told me that he DOES want to move out with me in the very near future. It's no longer an issue for him of IF we'll live together but WHEN we'll live together. It's just that living together is such a HUGE issue for him and pretty much means engagement in his eyes. (Ok does he know that I have a small commitment fear and the idea of engagement freaks me out! Must breathe.) He told me that I just need to hold out a bit longer and under no circumstances should I consider moving out with anyone else. I'm semi-fine with this since as I've said before, Dave is the one I want to live with. But dammit. How much longer do I have to wait???? I'm fed up with waiting. It's been a month and a half since the original idea was even brought up. I'm starting to get angry and a bit like a savage woman who needs medications and a back rub to calm down. Stay out of the way of the savage woman!

And to make things a little bit worse, he's been talking to his mom about the living together topic. To get things straight, I love, love, LOVE his mom but I'm horribly embarrassed that she knows about this. I always imagined that one day we would tell his parents together that WE have decided to live with each other. NOT that his mom would know that a fucking long ass time ago I brought up the subject and Dave has taken so long to finally give the final yes. ERRRRRRR!!!!!

Must breathe. Bad energy out. Good energy in.

The highlight of the night was that Dave did start asking me questions about what features I wanted in OUR new place and where I would want to be located. My answer: close to downtown, 2 bedrooms at least, and washer/dryer in the apartment are a must! His answer: same as mine but with a pool and spa. Dave does deserve the bf of the year award. He's just so damn good at handling me when I'm pissy. Holding me, listening to me and letting me cry while at the same time being so open to me about how he feels. Dammit. I wish he wasn't so great so that I could muster up a little anger at him!

Broken & Tired

I'm getting shin splits again. Dammit. It looks like I wont be running Bay to Breakers since I can't even run/walk 4 miles without getting shooting pains up the inside of my calf muscle ;-(

In other news, I've been sleeping like crap lately and it's starting to take a huge toll on my body and mind. I'm exhausted, cranky and I feel like crying every 4 seconds. I need to talk to Dave tonight or tomorrow and let him know what I've been thinking about the the whole living together situation. I'm just really confused. A HUGE part of me is tired of waiting for him to make up his mind and feeling like I'm dependent on his decision. He's just not ready and I need to accept that and move out with someone else. But there's another HUGE part of me that wants to be patient and wait for him to be ready cuz really he's the one I want to live with. Errr!

Fools Rush In

The other day I was reading an advice column in our local paper and it really made me think. The topic was women who put too much emphasis on marriage and rushing to the alter after a specific time period has elapsed. The advice columnist stressed that women need to realize that the important thing is whether you are willing to live the rest of your life with this person and not how big of a rock they put on your finger and when that rock comes. Instead of obsessing over future wedding plans, the woman should spend her time exploring her interests and developing new friendships.

The column made me realize that I have become a little engagement-centric over the past few months. In my heart and head, I have this feeling that Dave is so right for me and I'm loving that feeling (esp since I've never had it before). I think I need to take a small step back and stop rushing Dave for a higher level of commitment (ie moving in together). I just need to relish the fact that I have Dave today and that is a great feeling in itself.

PS I must confess that I still really REALLY want Dave and me to move in together. But if he's not ready yet then I need to accept that and move on.

PPS Scott has been throwing his little tantrums lately and I am getting sick of it!!!

PPPS I love me some Sex and the City. So good. So my life.