My work has done a great job of recognizing all the long hours I put in after the October fires. Left and right I've received tons of official and non-official pats on the back from all levels. I'm appreciative of the praise especially since I did work 12-14 hour days for 4 months straight but I must admit I'm not one for the limelight and sometimes like to do the dirty work from the shadows. A month ago my picture went up on the front of my agency's website as an employee profile. I wasn't a fan of the picture but I had no one to blame since several times I was asked by the PR peeps to pick out a picture but refused because I didn't want to be all high maintenance and request a pro looking action shot of me doing my job (which I have several). That's the bad part of me being the "it" girl of the moment (which I realize that this is my 15 min of fame and it wont last much longer). Everyone at work has known me since I was the 20 year old intern who was reliable but often came to work slightly hungover from the frat party the night before. I don't want my coworkers to think I've forgotten my roots or worse yet to think that I did all the work after the fires by myself. I have a wonderful staff of 12 plus a myriad of coworkers from across the state who came down and spent time away from their families to help me out. Anyways, I try really hard to not be the drama queen in the center of all the attention.
Today a very glossy, very professional looking "magazine" type thing came off production that will be sent to several very big wigs in my agency's National HQ. My picture is plastered across the magazine on about 5 different pages (of the 10 pages total). And in every single photo I look fat. Like really fat. Like WOW. I didn't realize I had gotten that big fat. I could blame it on the PR person who did the layout but in all honestly it's not that the photos are unflattering. I think it's that I really look as bad as the pics portray. This magazine should be something that I cherish but instead it's something that I am really not proud of because of the way I look.
I know that its not really about the photos, it's about the story within the magazine but let's not kid ourselves. That's like saying men subscribe to playboy for the articles and not the hot chicks. The big wigs that receive the magazine are all very busy people and wont have much time to actually read the text. They'll flip through it and be greeted with me looking like a lard-o. I've seen my face on other agency promo material and several times been pleased with how I look. This isn't me just being hard on myself because I don't wear the standard SoCal size 2. This is me being hard on myself because once again I've let my weight get out of control and I'm really embarrassed of the way I look.
Showing posts with label Flab to Fab. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Flab to Fab. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I REALLY Need to do This!
Reasons why I NEED to stay motivated and lose weight:
1. I feel crappy when I attend Dave's work functions and I am neither cute nor reasonably thin. I feel like a big, fat, unattractive wife.
2. I am interviewing for a 2 year leadership fellowship in July and I want to look and feel my best!
3. Family get together in August. I will feel like a slob if I am not in short wearing condition by then.
4. Dave and I are going to vacation on the Caribbean in September and I want to look decent in a swimsuit.
5. A HUGE promotion may be coming my way in January. I need to represent myself as the young successful woman that I am.
6. I want to look my best for Dave. I feel sexy inside and I should look sexy on the outside.
7. Right now I feel and look frumpy. I have so many cute clothes that don't fit me and there is nothing more frustrating then feeling like I have nothing to wear even though my closet is bursting with new and trendy outfits.
8. I've been fat and I've been reasonably thin. People at work seem to respect me better when I am thin and possess high self confidence.
9. I need to do this for my health. Strokes run on my mother's side of the family. I've seen first hand the devastation that a stroke has on a person. I do not want this to happen to me.
10. I've done this 3 times before and re-gained it all back each time. I am tired of yo-yo'ing. I'm tired of having a complete wardrobe in 3 different sizes. I am tired of fad diets.
1. I feel crappy when I attend Dave's work functions and I am neither cute nor reasonably thin. I feel like a big, fat, unattractive wife.
2. I am interviewing for a 2 year leadership fellowship in July and I want to look and feel my best!
3. Family get together in August. I will feel like a slob if I am not in short wearing condition by then.
4. Dave and I are going to vacation on the Caribbean in September and I want to look decent in a swimsuit.
5. A HUGE promotion may be coming my way in January. I need to represent myself as the young successful woman that I am.
6. I want to look my best for Dave. I feel sexy inside and I should look sexy on the outside.
7. Right now I feel and look frumpy. I have so many cute clothes that don't fit me and there is nothing more frustrating then feeling like I have nothing to wear even though my closet is bursting with new and trendy outfits.
8. I've been fat and I've been reasonably thin. People at work seem to respect me better when I am thin and possess high self confidence.
9. I need to do this for my health. Strokes run on my mother's side of the family. I've seen first hand the devastation that a stroke has on a person. I do not want this to happen to me.
10. I've done this 3 times before and re-gained it all back each time. I am tired of yo-yo'ing. I'm tired of having a complete wardrobe in 3 different sizes. I am tired of fad diets.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Nobody Said it Was Easy, Nobody Said it Would be so Hard
Why didn't anyone tell me it would be this difficult to cook without a stove, oven, kitchen sink, or countertop? When we began the remodel I had all these grand schemes of how I was going to utilize the grill, George Foreman, fondue, and crock pot to make healthy meals each night. What I didn't realize was that the grill and George Foreman get old after the eleventeenth time. The fondue and crockpot require preparation and without a countertop I am forced to cut veggies and meat on my coffee table. (Not too comfortable in case you were wondering.) And to top it all off everything becomes covered in dust during a remodel which forces me to wash everything before and after I use it. There are so many other things I would prefer to do instead of leaning over the bathtub washing dishes twice a night.
So far we haven't resorted to ordering in pizza but we do eat out 3-4 times each week. Much more then our normal once a week. And when I do "cook" at home I usually resort to convenience semi-homemade types of products. Uncle Ben's microwaveable rice and I have become quick friends even though one pouch has over a 1,000 grams of sodium per serving. I try to be low-carb and low-fat but I am ALWAYS low sodium when I cook so this high salt cooking has left me feeling like a salt lick most days.
I've decided to go on a shake fast for the next week or so. This lack of anything healthy to cook has actually made this a really easy decision and I am sure will make it really easy to stick on the fast. I went on a long term fast before my wedding which knocked the weight off me like gang busters. This fast will be much shorter but hopefully gets me on the path towards cute summer shorts and skirts.
So far we haven't resorted to ordering in pizza but we do eat out 3-4 times each week. Much more then our normal once a week. And when I do "cook" at home I usually resort to convenience semi-homemade types of products. Uncle Ben's microwaveable rice and I have become quick friends even though one pouch has over a 1,000 grams of sodium per serving. I try to be low-carb and low-fat but I am ALWAYS low sodium when I cook so this high salt cooking has left me feeling like a salt lick most days.
I've decided to go on a shake fast for the next week or so. This lack of anything healthy to cook has actually made this a really easy decision and I am sure will make it really easy to stick on the fast. I went on a long term fast before my wedding which knocked the weight off me like gang busters. This fast will be much shorter but hopefully gets me on the path towards cute summer shorts and skirts.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Clothes, Woes, Boys, and Toys
Weight Loss
When Dave and I first began our healthier lifestyle resolution we elevated the challenge by adding weekly goals and rewards/punishments. Going in to this I though "no problem!" since I am the Queen of Weight Loss and Dave is Mr Never Touched a Gym in His Life as well as the Baron of Taco Bell. Dave has always been athletically built and good at sports but beyond that has never had to try to stay fit therefore I thought I had an advantage to this whole challenge. I was born from the womb short and round and I've had to battle my figure my whole life.
Well, I greatly underestimated the competitive nature of my spouse. Had I known that all I had to do was issue a challenge I would have done this much sooner in order to motivate Dave to work out daily. Not only has he joined my gym and gone daily for 45 minutes but he has also completely revamped his eating habits (gone is fast food) as well as given up soda! This is huge coming from the man who used to drink 5-6 cans of coca cola a day. As of Week 1 Dave had lost 7 pounds and I had lost 3. Week 2 was tampered when we took a mini-vacation to a local snow resort and I re-gained the 3 from week 1 plus one I had lost in week 2 (total of 4 pounds). Dave regained 2 pounds. I'm really trying to make this healthy lifestyle something that I can do everyday for the rest of my life and evidently the vacation eating part of my lifestyle needs some tweaking.
Dreams of Our Fathers
Sunday night I had numerous dreams about boys I had dated in the past. Last night I dreamt of several scary wars in which I was forced to do battle. The boy dreams I enjoyed mostly because they involved lots of necking and heavy petting. The war dreams not so much. In one dream a tank was firing rapid succession at me and the ammo was oranges. It is citrus season here in Cali and obviously I have eaten one too many oranges.
Working Girl
I'm still insanely busy and working 12 hour days plus weekends. Luckily Dave is gone for work this week which allows me to work late into the night without feeling guilty. Now that it has been 3 months since the fires I am starting to get real tired of this schedule. Taking this past Monday off for our mini-vacay was refreshing but I can't keep doing this same schedule. Starting next week I am going to focus more on me and work only 9 hour days plus Saturdays. Dave is super motivated to do the gym thing and I'm going to make time to go to the gym with him as soon as my day has ended (4pm).
In other news, a National news crew is coming out next week to film our fire recovery work. I really would have liked to be much thinner but am trying not to stress over it too much. What am I saying? I am stressing over it big time! (to further clarify I am stressing over my weight not the national news part).
Shiny Toys
I got the new Sirius Stiletto 2 last week and I LOVE it. I'm already a big fan of Sirius but now I can take my Sirius with my when I go to the gym or out hiking! It's super small (about the size of a video IPOD) and light weight too. Now I am just waiting for the arm strap that I ordered to come so that I can stop treating it like a delicate flower.
When Dave and I first began our healthier lifestyle resolution we elevated the challenge by adding weekly goals and rewards/punishments. Going in to this I though "no problem!" since I am the Queen of Weight Loss and Dave is Mr Never Touched a Gym in His Life as well as the Baron of Taco Bell. Dave has always been athletically built and good at sports but beyond that has never had to try to stay fit therefore I thought I had an advantage to this whole challenge. I was born from the womb short and round and I've had to battle my figure my whole life.
Well, I greatly underestimated the competitive nature of my spouse. Had I known that all I had to do was issue a challenge I would have done this much sooner in order to motivate Dave to work out daily. Not only has he joined my gym and gone daily for 45 minutes but he has also completely revamped his eating habits (gone is fast food) as well as given up soda! This is huge coming from the man who used to drink 5-6 cans of coca cola a day. As of Week 1 Dave had lost 7 pounds and I had lost 3. Week 2 was tampered when we took a mini-vacation to a local snow resort and I re-gained the 3 from week 1 plus one I had lost in week 2 (total of 4 pounds). Dave regained 2 pounds. I'm really trying to make this healthy lifestyle something that I can do everyday for the rest of my life and evidently the vacation eating part of my lifestyle needs some tweaking.
Dreams of Our Fathers
Sunday night I had numerous dreams about boys I had dated in the past. Last night I dreamt of several scary wars in which I was forced to do battle. The boy dreams I enjoyed mostly because they involved lots of necking and heavy petting. The war dreams not so much. In one dream a tank was firing rapid succession at me and the ammo was oranges. It is citrus season here in Cali and obviously I have eaten one too many oranges.
Working Girl
I'm still insanely busy and working 12 hour days plus weekends. Luckily Dave is gone for work this week which allows me to work late into the night without feeling guilty. Now that it has been 3 months since the fires I am starting to get real tired of this schedule. Taking this past Monday off for our mini-vacay was refreshing but I can't keep doing this same schedule. Starting next week I am going to focus more on me and work only 9 hour days plus Saturdays. Dave is super motivated to do the gym thing and I'm going to make time to go to the gym with him as soon as my day has ended (4pm).
In other news, a National news crew is coming out next week to film our fire recovery work. I really would have liked to be much thinner but am trying not to stress over it too much. What am I saying? I am stressing over it big time! (to further clarify I am stressing over my weight not the national news part).
Shiny Toys
I got the new Sirius Stiletto 2 last week and I LOVE it. I'm already a big fan of Sirius but now I can take my Sirius with my when I go to the gym or out hiking! It's super small (about the size of a video IPOD) and light weight too. Now I am just waiting for the arm strap that I ordered to come so that I can stop treating it like a delicate flower.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Suddenly a Tennassee Titans Fan
Note to Self: When attending a NFL football playoff game, it might help if you are actually a fan of the home team. Otherwise you will spend a majority of the game fuming at the drunken douche bagginess of the home team fans. It didn't help that 95% of the fans in attendance were Chargers fans and only 5% of the rest were Titans fans. This meant that the drunken (and winning) Chargers fans felt it was their duty to yell insensitive slurs at the cowering Titans fans who were just trying to enjoy the game. It was worse then a Raiders versus Chargers game (at least then even when the game is played in San Diego a majority of the fans are wearing black and besides no one dares mess with the Raider Nation). Dave and I are neither Chargers not Titans fans but we had free tickets in the club level which meant great seats under cover from the rain and free food and booze. I would go again for the chance to watch a playoff game but after experiencing 3 hours of drunk asswhats I almost declared that alcohol and tailgating should be banned at games (this coming from me who is a huge fan of the beer in all situations and lovingly remembers tailgating from many Fresno State football games). Yet, you too would have immediately proclaimed that all games should be alcohol free after watching drunk idiots stumbling around trying to pick fights (unless you were a drunken idiot picking fights then you would have thought it to be a great time for all). Astonishingly enough we were in the club level where seats were $300-400 each and those in the cheaper seats on field level and in the higher decks encountered even more douche bagery and crowd fighting.
In more uplifting news, I've lost 45 pounds on three different occasions only to regain most of the weight back within one year. The latest time I lost the weight was for my wedding and already 25 pounds of that has crept back up on me. I am realizing that I am good at the losing but not so good at the keeping off. In the past I will practically starve myself for 6 months, drop tons of weight, and then become tired of the restrictions and go hog wild in the opposite direction. I really need to find a sensible eating plan that I can easily adopt as part of my everyday lifestyle so that I don't have to keep yo-yo'ing. Easier said then done. At the football game I was rather proud of myself, usually I will consume a bratwurst, garlic fries and lotsa beer (remember free beer in club level). This time I ordered a veggie burger and diet coke and I even held myself back when they brought out the mojitos (I will write a sonnet of my love for mojitos one day). One of my biggest problems in the past is that I splurge on special occasions and soon everyday becomes a special occasion for one reason or another. Lunch out with coworkers? Splurge! Hard day at work? Spurge! Finally Friday? Splurge! After a lot of thinking I have decided that the only days that count as splurge worthy are my birthday, fancy dinners paid by Dave's work, and holiday parties.
Other news, I am trying to convince Dave to let us extend our Lake Las Vegas vacation to encompass a night's stay at the Venetian since evidently 4 nights at the Ritz Carlton is not enough for me. I am having a hard time justifying my cause.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
New Year, New Healthy Me
I'm a big fan of New Year's resolutions. No one is perfect so why not begin the new year with the goal of becoming a better person in one or two different ways. This year my goal is to become a healthier person. As I've said, since the fires my daily diet has consisted of whatever easy food I can grab and stuff in my mouth and my daily exercise has gone by the wayside. My resolution is to get back in the habit of exercising (5am!), eating healthy, taking a daily multi-vitamin (prenatal vitamins make my hair so shiny), brushing my teeth before bed (I'm not so good on this), and moisturizing every bit of my body after taking a shower (no wrinkles yet and I'd like to keep it that way).
To motivate myself even further, Dave and I have a small bet to see who can lose the most weight in ten weeks. Since Dave quit smoking a year ago, he has gained 20 pounds and has lacked the motivation to begin exercising. I've also gained weight since our wedding (10 pounds during our Honeymoon and then 15 pounds since the fires). I would really like to get back to my wedding weight before I continue to gain even more and things get out of control. In 10 weeks we plan on going to Lake Las Vegas and if I win Dave will pay for a day at the spa. I love messages and facials more then everything but sex and sushi so I am VERY excited to win.
I plan on blogging my progress once a week to keep myself motivated and accountable. Today was Day 1 of the challenge and I became winded after jogging for 40 minutes around the country club golf course. I am starving and sweaty and already realizing that getting back in shape is going to be a much bigger challenge then I had bargained.
A healthier looking me at our rehearsel dinner.
To motivate myself even further, Dave and I have a small bet to see who can lose the most weight in ten weeks. Since Dave quit smoking a year ago, he has gained 20 pounds and has lacked the motivation to begin exercising. I've also gained weight since our wedding (10 pounds during our Honeymoon and then 15 pounds since the fires). I would really like to get back to my wedding weight before I continue to gain even more and things get out of control. In 10 weeks we plan on going to Lake Las Vegas and if I win Dave will pay for a day at the spa. I love messages and facials more then everything but sex and sushi so I am VERY excited to win.
I plan on blogging my progress once a week to keep myself motivated and accountable. Today was Day 1 of the challenge and I became winded after jogging for 40 minutes around the country club golf course. I am starving and sweaty and already realizing that getting back in shape is going to be a much bigger challenge then I had bargained.
A healthier looking me at our rehearsel dinner.
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