Throughout the past few years, on and off, I've tried to cyber stalk my exes. No real reason other then a general nosiness and desire to know what has happened to them over the years. I'm not in contact with ANY of my exes (which I think says something about me and the way I break up with boys). For me this sucks since I really would like to know how they are doing and what has become of them. I've tried using google, myspace, and facebook to search for my various exes (some more then others) yet have been unable to find a single ex. Wait, take that back, I have found one but I really don't care to know what he is up too and then one other I refuse to look up because he is pure evil. But that leaves like 20 other exes (I dated A LOT in college) and the fact that I can't find them on-line frustrates me to no end. So many stories left unfinished. I was a science major in college so I know that I have the ability to conduct a search effectively. I think that the guys I date just aren't on-line or have names that are way too common to easily google.
That is until tonight.
I found the Matt that I talked about briefly here. I realize now that maybe ignorance is bliss. I know that he and I would have never worked out. He was a really great guy but he was a pilot in the air force and I am a big weenie that would have never been able to deal with a boyfriend in the military who was putting his life at risk on a regular basis. Matt is getting married and while this doesn't bother me (he really was an A+++ type guy) what I read in the news article I found does. We dated in November/December 2001. He met his fiancee in Summer 2002 which means that while my heart was being broken (not by him) and I was spending the darkest most depressing summer alone, he was falling in love with his future wife. The darkest part of my life was his happiest. The juxtaposition strikes me much closer to the core then it really should (esp 6 years later).
edited: I originally posted the text of the article but then I realized that Matt or his fiancee could easily google their own names and find my blog. Ummm ... maybe not a good idea. Too bad because the article really was sickeningly sweet and gave a great idea of the type of guy Matt is. Stupid google.
Showing posts with label The past. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The past. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Remember that Time?
One of the main reasons I love having a blog is so that I can keep a record of all the changes in my life. The good, the bad, the forgettable. Several times I've gone back in my blog archives and read through a month's post only to be surprised by how many things I've seemed to forgotten. No matter how sad, embarrassing, or hurtful I think life is meant to be cherished and the idea of my memories fading really freaks me out.
My best friend B once dated a guy from the college swim team named Kevin and introduced his friends to our group of girlfriends. Even though Kevin and B only dated two months, our groups of friends got along swimmingly thus 4 of the 7 nights per week were spent in each others company. I ended up hooking up with one of Kevin's friends, Matt, several times even though our "relationship" was very casual on both our parts. Kevin had another friend named Z who was HILARIOUS. Z could have really been a comedian. He was a lot of fun to be around and definitely the life of our parties. Z focused his attention equally on my friends M and N but never hooked up with either (that I can recall). Our friendship with Kevin's friends happened shortly after a really good friend of ours got into a car accident and therefore I had bought a video camera with the intention of documenting my friends. Many of these early tapes were filled with footage of Kevin, Z, Matt and their friends.
The other day my best friend B went back to our college town to visit some friends. While in Fresno she ran into Kevin and Z at a popular bar. She and a few (non-mutual) friends spent the evening talking and dancing with Kevin and Z. The next morning B called me and asked what went on between Z and I because he wouldn't stop talking about me and asking what was going on in my life. Right away I told her nothing. Z was cute and tall but I was hooking up with Matt. B asked if I was sure because Z talked about me alot that night until the point where B got bored recalling memories of me. She mentioned one memory that Z kept recalling and suddenly it all came back and hit me like a ton of bricks.
One night Z, Kevin, B and I were all hanging out at B's house. Matt was a pilot in the Airforce and was gone for weeks on end. Matt and I were very casual so his absence was really not a big deal to me. Kevin and B quickly retired to her room which left Z and me to hang out. I remember that we really didn't drink much that night but Z and I stayed up watching tv. We decided to sleep together in the guest bedroom since I had already staked claim of the extra bed and Z was too tall to sleep comfortably on the couch. I expected both of us to fall asleep quickly but instead we stayed up until dawn talking and laughing. At one point I remember us discussing "us" and how we were perfect for each other. Shortly after we feel asleep in each other's embrace. When I woke the next morning Kevin and Z had already left. I remember feeling really excited because Z was a great guy I had never realized that the two of us had great potential as a real relationship. The next time we saw each other Z never mentioned our candid convo nor did he try to hook up with me. I didn't try to hook up with him either or bring up that night but at the time I thought maybe Z had made a big mistake and didn't really like me. Looking back maybe Z thought the same thing. Kevin and B broke up shortly after and we didn't see Kevin or Z much again.
The next morning I remember that all night conversation being really important to me. Yet today I can't remember what we talked about. The discussion of "us" and the feeling of joy afterwards are vague memories. What we watched on tv is unknown to me (maybe kids?). Even whether we kissed or not at the end of the night is hazy. I would think that I would remember kissing Z but for some reason I have very vague memories of straddling Z on the bed and him stopping us from going further. But then again this is a very vague memory and if it actually happened it is blurry to me.
Shouldn't I remember all this? If 6 years later my fondest memories have begun to disappear then what else will disappear in 5 more years. Will there be a day when I wonder who Kevin and Z were? When I forget what happened on Dave and my first date? When I forget what the girls and I did on my wedding day? Memories fade but I wish they wouldn't.
My best friend B once dated a guy from the college swim team named Kevin and introduced his friends to our group of girlfriends. Even though Kevin and B only dated two months, our groups of friends got along swimmingly thus 4 of the 7 nights per week were spent in each others company. I ended up hooking up with one of Kevin's friends, Matt, several times even though our "relationship" was very casual on both our parts. Kevin had another friend named Z who was HILARIOUS. Z could have really been a comedian. He was a lot of fun to be around and definitely the life of our parties. Z focused his attention equally on my friends M and N but never hooked up with either (that I can recall). Our friendship with Kevin's friends happened shortly after a really good friend of ours got into a car accident and therefore I had bought a video camera with the intention of documenting my friends. Many of these early tapes were filled with footage of Kevin, Z, Matt and their friends.
The other day my best friend B went back to our college town to visit some friends. While in Fresno she ran into Kevin and Z at a popular bar. She and a few (non-mutual) friends spent the evening talking and dancing with Kevin and Z. The next morning B called me and asked what went on between Z and I because he wouldn't stop talking about me and asking what was going on in my life. Right away I told her nothing. Z was cute and tall but I was hooking up with Matt. B asked if I was sure because Z talked about me alot that night until the point where B got bored recalling memories of me. She mentioned one memory that Z kept recalling and suddenly it all came back and hit me like a ton of bricks.
One night Z, Kevin, B and I were all hanging out at B's house. Matt was a pilot in the Airforce and was gone for weeks on end. Matt and I were very casual so his absence was really not a big deal to me. Kevin and B quickly retired to her room which left Z and me to hang out. I remember that we really didn't drink much that night but Z and I stayed up watching tv. We decided to sleep together in the guest bedroom since I had already staked claim of the extra bed and Z was too tall to sleep comfortably on the couch. I expected both of us to fall asleep quickly but instead we stayed up until dawn talking and laughing. At one point I remember us discussing "us" and how we were perfect for each other. Shortly after we feel asleep in each other's embrace. When I woke the next morning Kevin and Z had already left. I remember feeling really excited because Z was a great guy I had never realized that the two of us had great potential as a real relationship. The next time we saw each other Z never mentioned our candid convo nor did he try to hook up with me. I didn't try to hook up with him either or bring up that night but at the time I thought maybe Z had made a big mistake and didn't really like me. Looking back maybe Z thought the same thing. Kevin and B broke up shortly after and we didn't see Kevin or Z much again.
The next morning I remember that all night conversation being really important to me. Yet today I can't remember what we talked about. The discussion of "us" and the feeling of joy afterwards are vague memories. What we watched on tv is unknown to me (maybe kids?). Even whether we kissed or not at the end of the night is hazy. I would think that I would remember kissing Z but for some reason I have very vague memories of straddling Z on the bed and him stopping us from going further. But then again this is a very vague memory and if it actually happened it is blurry to me.
Shouldn't I remember all this? If 6 years later my fondest memories have begun to disappear then what else will disappear in 5 more years. Will there be a day when I wonder who Kevin and Z were? When I forget what happened on Dave and my first date? When I forget what the girls and I did on my wedding day? Memories fade but I wish they wouldn't.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Call me Mrs Butler
One of my most vivid memories is of attending the Phantom of the Opera musical in 1992 at a famous play house in LA. I was 12 years old at the time and the musical was a special night field trip for the honors students at my middle school. We were told to dress up and at the time I was at a fashion challenged age and my mother has never been into dressing up or fashion (to be honest growing up on a farm there is little reason for a dressing up). That night I ended up wearing my mom's turquoise turtleneck sweater that was a size too large for me and black jordache jeans. I wish so badly that I could go back in time and take my 12 year old self to the mall so I didn't look like quite a doofus. As we were being seated at the theatre I remember wishing and hoping with all my might that a certain cute boy in my class would sit next to me and hold my hand. I think I actually did end up sitting next to that cute boy but there was no romantic advances. The one thing I remember most vividly is the chandelier falling right before the intermission. I was shocked (as anyone who watches the play for the first time is). When I came home I couldn't stop singing the songs or reliving the best parts of the play over and over in my mind.
I watched the 2004 film version of the play this weekend. It's been in my netflix queue for quite some time but I haven't been motivated to watch it until we went to Las Vegas and there was several billboards up announcing a new LV version of the play. I had forgotten quite a bit of the storyline even though I remember much of the songs. The film version was so good and brought back so many memories for me that I've watched it twice so far. The second time I guilt tripped my hubby into watching it with me. I can't stop waltzing across the house singing masquerade! at the top of my lungs. What a great film. The only disappointment for me is that Christine did not choose the Phantom at the end of the story. I know he's evil and all but Gerard Butler as the Phantom is one HOT pantie dropper. I would marry him and have his babies any day. N'est-ce pas?
PS - Total weekend watch count - 5. Minor addiction.
I watched the 2004 film version of the play this weekend. It's been in my netflix queue for quite some time but I haven't been motivated to watch it until we went to Las Vegas and there was several billboards up announcing a new LV version of the play. I had forgotten quite a bit of the storyline even though I remember much of the songs. The film version was so good and brought back so many memories for me that I've watched it twice so far. The second time I guilt tripped my hubby into watching it with me. I can't stop waltzing across the house singing masquerade! at the top of my lungs. What a great film. The only disappointment for me is that Christine did not choose the Phantom at the end of the story. I know he's evil and all but Gerard Butler as the Phantom is one HOT pantie dropper. I would marry him and have his babies any day. N'est-ce pas?
PS - Total weekend watch count - 5. Minor addiction.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Snippets of Vacations Past
1) Glamis, December 2001 - We've driven for over 10 hours and have finally arrived at our destination. We're dirty and extremely tired but at the moment all we can think of is how excited we are to finally be here. We jump out of the truck and immediately I am blinded by the bright sun, white sand, and blue sky. It is December but in the middle of the desert it feels more like July. That night the opportunity arises for us to sleep together in the same bed. I will attempt to touch his penis but he will shy away each time. Two years later he comes out as gay.
2) Las Vegas, February 1990 - I am ten years old and we have just arrived at our hotel. While my Mom checks in I stay in the lobby and stare at the carpet. At that moment the gaudy, brightly colored designs look like the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I vow to never forget the carpet and focus all my attention on remembering each feathery loop.
3) Vancouver BC, December 2002 - We are walking through downtown after visiting a local wine bar in search of more ice wine. Between giggles we talk about our futures and what we want our life to be like someday. A few girls express their wish to live in the country on a farm. I look up at the high rises and realize with a sudden clarity that a thriving city is where I need to be. Our conversation turns and we begin talking about what to eat for lunch and someone suggests sushi. Three of us have never had raw seafood and politely refuse. A few years later on one of the rare occasions when we are all together we devour sushi.
2) Las Vegas, February 1990 - I am ten years old and we have just arrived at our hotel. While my Mom checks in I stay in the lobby and stare at the carpet. At that moment the gaudy, brightly colored designs look like the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I vow to never forget the carpet and focus all my attention on remembering each feathery loop.
3) Vancouver BC, December 2002 - We are walking through downtown after visiting a local wine bar in search of more ice wine. Between giggles we talk about our futures and what we want our life to be like someday. A few girls express their wish to live in the country on a farm. I look up at the high rises and realize with a sudden clarity that a thriving city is where I need to be. Our conversation turns and we begin talking about what to eat for lunch and someone suggests sushi. Three of us have never had raw seafood and politely refuse. A few years later on one of the rare occasions when we are all together we devour sushi.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Overdone Phrases
Back in the beginning days of Dave and my relationship, when we had sex two to four times per day and I was able to consume any food I wanted because I was exercising at the gym for 1.5 hours per day plus having all the sex, Dave invited me over to his house for an ice cream run and to watch the VMAs on MTV. For some odd reason I remember this mini-date with some of the fondest memories I have of any date that Dave took me on. Maybe it's because I really do love ice cream or maybe it's because I really do love MTV or maybe it's because back then every blog post started with "OMG. Dave is so hot. I think I'm falling in love. We have so much sex!". Whatever the case, the ice cream and VMA mini-date is one of my favorites and is one that we like to repeat each year. This year our traditional Baskin Robbins was replaced with Coldstone's because have you tasted the Birthday Cake Remix??? Ummmm ... YUM.
Watching this year's VMAs I was really filled with a huge desire to hop on the next plane bound for Vegas. This is a strong statement coming from me since I've probably been to Vegas over 50 times. When I was growing up, Vegas was our traditional vacation spot, 2 times per year, once in February (Prez Weekend) and then once again in the Summer. With college I once again jumped on the Vegas bandwagon since it was a rather short 6 hour drive from where I went to college. Now that I've gotten older it seems like Vegas has become the top getaway for bachlorette parties and cheap girl's weekend getaways.
A few years ago the saying "What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas" became popular and I really began to grow tired of the Vegas party scene. The place had become too popular and expensive. A typical weekend getaway cost $800. My budget and my patience for the tourists was at it's limit. Yet, watching Sunday's VMAs I felt an intense desire to experience Vegas once again. One of my best friends just found out she is pregnant. Is it kosher to host a baby shower at The Palms?
Watching this year's VMAs I was really filled with a huge desire to hop on the next plane bound for Vegas. This is a strong statement coming from me since I've probably been to Vegas over 50 times. When I was growing up, Vegas was our traditional vacation spot, 2 times per year, once in February (Prez Weekend) and then once again in the Summer. With college I once again jumped on the Vegas bandwagon since it was a rather short 6 hour drive from where I went to college. Now that I've gotten older it seems like Vegas has become the top getaway for bachlorette parties and cheap girl's weekend getaways.
A few years ago the saying "What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas" became popular and I really began to grow tired of the Vegas party scene. The place had become too popular and expensive. A typical weekend getaway cost $800. My budget and my patience for the tourists was at it's limit. Yet, watching Sunday's VMAs I felt an intense desire to experience Vegas once again. One of my best friends just found out she is pregnant. Is it kosher to host a baby shower at The Palms?
Monday, May 07, 2007
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