Sleepless Dreams

Dream #1 - It was 8:30pm, Dave and I were laying in bed. Dave announces that he needs to go to several stores to get some shopping done. I get upset cuz I don't understand why he didn't do the shopping earlier in the evening or why he can't wait until the weekend. Dave invites me to go shopping with him so I do.

We're driving up 680 and we start to see houses falling down the hillsides. We turn on the radio and hear a newscast saying that due to high temps and then sudden rainstorms the shrink/swell soil is refusing to absorb any water and therefore landslides and flooding are occurring. All of a sudden we turn a corner on the freeway and we're caught up in a flooded area. We get out of the car, Dave takes my hand, and we wade through the water to safety. We're wet and cold but I'm very thankful that I decided to go shopping with Dave cuz otherwise he would have been caught up in the storm by himself.

We walk for sometime until we reach a rescue center that is filled with other people. Dave and I go to the top floor where we see a coworker of mine (J). She wasn't in the flood but she's there anyways. Another coworker of ours (G) had died in the flood (we randomly saw him on the freeway in another car alongside us). I go to tell J that G died and she becomes really upset but refuses to let me hug her or comfort her. My feelings are hurt and I wake up.

Dream #2 - Dave's family and I are camping in he woods. Somehow my mom finds out where we are and comes to the campsite. My mom tries to make friends with everyone and is super fake. I tell her to leave cuz I don't want her there and I don't want people thinking she's a nice person cuz she's not. She leaves but then calls Dave's mom with some type of fake drama. Dave's mom falls for it and goes to 'rescue' my mom (my mom's car had stalled or something like that). I get upset cuz I don't want Dave's mom to fall into my mom's trap but Dave's mom ignores my pleas and goes off anyways. I'm really upset and I repeatedly try to call Dave's mom to try and convince her to come home. Each time she ignores my pleas and I become hysterically upset that Dave's mom is choosing my mom over me. I wake up again.

Dream #3 - Can't remember right now. Maybe I will later.

Dear Ex-BF

For the first time in a long time I wanted to call you yesterday. I wanted to hear what was going on in your life. I wanted to laugh at your stupid jokes like I used to do when we were together. I wanted to hear what you had planned for the holidays. I wanted to find out if there were any new ladies in your life.

But I didn't call you since you've made it so clear that you have no desire to be friends. It makes me so angry because I really don't know what I did to you to make you so hostile. I didn't cheat on you. I didn't steal money from you. I didn't promise you my future.

This summer I gave you a call in hopes that a year of being apart would have helped you heal and that you would be willing to treat me in a friendly manner. Unfortunately that wasn't true. It really makes me wonder if you ever cared for ME?? Did you ever care for my family? Did you ever care for my friends? Because if you cared for me or my friends/family in any way then you'd WANT to know what we're up to these days. You'd want to know if we're healthy and happy. Or maybe you're just THAT selfish and childish. All you can see is you and your pain.

Sometimes I feel like shaking you until you realize that people break up everyday. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because it really isn't the end of the world. I've never told you this because I know that it would just cause you more pain but I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I'm more in love with Dave then I ever though it was possible for two human beings to be in love with each other. It sounds so corny but Dave makes me a better person. I didn't like the person I was when I was with you. I really hope that someday you're able to move on and find a woman that will make you a better person and who will be as in love with you as I am with Dave.

I stopped reading your blog a few months ago because I realize that you don't want me to be a part of your life anymore. I'm not going to call you ever again even on the day that I become engaged. And I'm not going to send you any emails. I may not like that we're not friends but I have to respect your decision.

Have a nice life.

Uphill Battle

I didn't know it was possible, but this weekend has made me feel 10x closer to Dave then I was before. No special reason. He didn't do anything fantastic, tell me something romantic, or buy me any new things. Most of the holiday weekend we spent being lazy and everytime I looked at him I thought that my heart was going to goosh out with love cuz it's so full. I really can't descibe this wonderful feeling. I'm so in love with that boy! ;-D

In other less wonderful news, I joined ediets today. Ughhhh... I just haven't been able to lose weight and it's really starting to frustrate me. I exercise 5-6 times per week and eat healthier then most. I've lost 45 pounds TWICE before so I know that I can do it.

I'm hoping that ediets gives me the lil extra motivation I need to start losing weight. The program is only $2.99 per week and gives me a very detailed and flexible daily eating plan plus on on-line support system. The eating plan is almost too flexible cuz I spent several hours today being picky about what I was going to eat each day for the next week. I could have spent several more hours looking at all the choices! We'll see how this works out since it's going to change my current eating habits/patterns (and Dave's habits too). Tomorrow is my 1st day. Hopefully I'm able to lose 15-20 pounds by next March when Dave and I go to Cabo!

Life Lessons

NEVER drink heavily when your flight home departs at 8am the next morning. I thought I was going to die on the plane. Worst hangover EVER but totally worth it since I had a fantastic time with my sorority sister, Terry Ann, who recently moved to CO. If I could I would go back and replay that night a few times, I would. SOO much fun.

I think I've fallen a lil bit in love with Denver and it's chilly weather. *GASP* Who knew that I could love the cold???? It was so much fun to grab the big coat everytime I wanted to go outside. I really enjoyed sitting in my hotel room and watching the snow fall outside. I got back home to the 75 degree weather and couldn't help but miss the chily weather that made me feel so festive.

PS I might have a different tune to sing after multiple winters in the snow. But a week was nice!

Meet My New Friend

The Louis Vuitton Manhattan PM

Hi!

I'm in Denver for the week. It snowed yesterday! Snowed! I'm so cold and I didn't prepare myself for how freezing I would be in the tundra. When I flew in yesterday it was 75 and sunny at home so I wore flip flops, yoga pants, and a tank on the plane. I get to Denver and my toes almost fall off from frost bite while I was waiting for the hotel shuttle. I'm an idiot.

In other news, I watched Sideways and Fever Pitch last weekend. Sideways was so much more interesting that I ever thought it would be. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes wine or wants to see gorgeous views of Cali. Fever Pitch was good too but it was a much simpler, cuter romantic comedy that made my heart all moist ;-)

My Boyfriend's Halloween Costume

For Halloween, Dave and his coworkers were hooked up with costumes from one of his vendors. Can you guess which one is my boyfriend?

WBW: The Great Outdoors

Today Mama Duck's theme for Way Back Wednesday is 'the great outdoors'. Dave and I had only been dating a week when he came up with the idea of taking a few days off work and going camping up the NorCal coast. I think I instantly fell in love with him at the moment. Who can resist a romantic and spontaneous guy???

Our 1st vacation was short (2 days/1 night) but filled with lots of laughs and LOTS of sex. Damn. I miss all the sex we used to have ;-(

I'm Spoiled

Way Back Wednesday!

Today's Way Back Wednesday theme is pretty much 'whatever the hell you want the theme to be'. So I've decided to go with "Where I Live". I absolutely LOVE the Bay Area. Great weather, plentiful shopping, awesome cultures, and gorgeous scenery. If I had my choice I would live here the rest of my life but unfortunately home prices are so high that I don't think that will happen. (1 bedroom condos go for $650,000 not including the $500 per month HOA fees. outrageous)

Pic #1: The Bay Area hills that surround us. Most of the hills in my area are owned by a regional park district which means they'll never be developed. WOO!


Pic#2: My apartment complex. I can't imagine living in a more beautiful location. The lakes are serene, the wildlife is bountiful, and everything is just so green. Our own little oasis.

Polly Pissy Pants

6pm - Phone Call

Me: Hello

D: I'm on my way home. I'll be there in an hour.

Me: An hour? You only work 5 miles from where we live. Why is it gonna take you an hour to get home?

D: It just is.

Me: Ummm ... ok. Are you going to stop anywhere on your way home? (Dave is usually not an asshole so I'm super confused as to why he's being all short and moody with me on the phone)

D: I'm walking home.

Me: You're walking home??? Why?

D: I had a bad day at work. My car is getting smoged and my meeting got out late so there was no one at work to drive me to the auto shop and pick up the car. The auto shop is now closed so I have no car and I'm walking home.

Me: Let me pick you up! Where are you?

D: No. I'm walking home.

Me: I'll just drive to wherever you are and pick you up. Where are you?

D: No. I'm walking home.

Me: You can't walk all the way home. You're wearing a suit, tie, and dress shoes. Your feet will hurt by the time you get home.

D: No. I'm walking home.

Me: That's it. I'm coming to get you. Stay were you're at cuz I'm coming to get you and you have no choice about it.

D: *hangs up phone*

*sigh* You know what's weird? Dave and his moody little asshole antics last night made me love him even more then I did before. I'm not sure why but it did. I wasn't angry. I wasn't mad. I was just so happy to pick him up on the street corner and tell him that I loved him.

NOTE: Dave is really usually not an unreasonable asshole and I'm very lucky for that. Believe me, I've dated a few assholes in my past and it wasn't an enjoyable relationship. Also, note that Dave's attitude improved after I picked him up.

Happy November!

For some reason, I'm really excited that it's November. I'm not really sure why but maybe it's cuz the holidays are coming soon. Hmmm ....

I was a very good girl last night and didn't badger Dave at all last night. I think that I can get over this and finally learn to be a patient girlfriend. I really don't have any other choice. *sigh*

Someone mentioned in yesterday's comments, that maybe if I shut my mouth up then Dave would be more willing to propose faster. Been there, tried that. Up until last week, I've been very good at not bringing the whole marriage/engagement subject up. Except for a few occasions, I only talked about it if Dave began talks. Surprisingly, Dave talks about it a lot more then I expected (a very good thing I guess). If I was bursting at the seems and wanted to talk about anything wedding related then I came to my blog.

So I think that's part of what upset me so much last weekend when Dave told me his timeline of next year sometime. I was keeping my mouth shut and was expecting a proposal soon. *sigh* Well when I found out that it wasn't going to happen I let Dave know that I was hoping for sooner and I jokingly tried to negotiate for a more immediate time frame. I didn't nag him about my intense desire to get married asap instead I just was super moody about everything else the rest of the weekend. *sigh* Not the best thing to do but I think it was better then beating him over the head with a bridal book.

I Wanted to Kick Him in the Balls

I was a major brat this weekend. My moody attitude prevailed as I tried repeatedly to pick fights when there were no fights to pick. I know, I know, I know. I'm handling this all wrong. I should just be happy that I have Dave in my life. How many people out there are looking for someone to love and I've been lucky enough to find someone that is SOOO damn perfect for me! I even keep asking myself why getting engaged is so damn important to me right now. Answer: I have no damn clue. I just want to be engaged. RIGHT NOW!!

Seriously, poor Dave took my bitchiness like the wonder-boyfriend that he is. Dave was comforting when I needed to be comforted, loving when I needed to be loved, and sweet when I needed to be reminded that he loves me and wants to get married to me someday. Just not tomorrow like I would prefer. *sigh* I'm promising myself that I WILL get over this. I WILL stop being a brat. I WILL start thinking rationally and stop nagging David. *SIGH* (easier said then done)

In other news, Dave's Mom and I went to a Casual Cocktail Party Planning Class offered by Viking Home Chef. The hands-on cooking class was a birthday gift to Dave's Mom from Dave and me. Dave's Mom is Mrs. Dinner-party-every-night-of-the-week-for-assorted-groups-of-friends so we knew that this class would be perfect for her and a great chance to have some bonding time with just me and her.

Let me start out by saying that I had high expectations for this class but I was blown away by how much fun we had, how hands-on everything really was, how practical the recipes we cooked were, and how cheap the class was for all the food and alcohol we consumed ($89/pp). Everything about the class was excellent! If they have a Viking Home Chef School near you, I highly recommend that you try out one of their classes.

Sometime Next Year ...

*SIGH*

I was really looking forward to getting engaged much sooner then that but Dave says his timeline is 'sometime next year'. Who knows what that means. 2 months from now? 6 months from now? 10 months from now? 14 months from now??? He's seen so many of his friends get married then divorced so he wants to make sure that we wont do the same thing. *pout* I'm being a BIG baby about the whole thing but I want to get engaged now ;-( Will it ever be my turn?

Update: We talked about it some more and he says that it'll happen sometime 4-6 months from now, after our trip to Cabo in March. *sigh* I'm okay with that. (Do I have any other choice but to be okay with that?) I'll just have to learn to be patient. Don't worry I've nagged him on the topic more then I preferred but I've been relatively good and taken most of my frustration out on this blog. I know that whining is gonna get me no where!

While we were talking about engagement, I told him about a few rules I wanted. Rule #1 is that he has to ask me before he's allowed to tell anyone in his family or my family. I don't want to be the last to know. Rule #2 is that he's not allowed to ask while we are on vacation in Cabo. My good friend Jayme got engaged in Cabo and I'd feel like a bit of a copycat. Plus, I'd hate to stress while on vacation about whether it'll be happening or not.

PS. At least I have a timeline now! (trying to focus on the positive!)

RIP Cammie the Camaro

Yesterday, I bit the bullet, went to the local Ford Dealership, traded in my very cool convertible, and bought a much more economical and practical Ford Focus. *sigh* Being a grown up sucks.

I'm actually not as upset as I thought I would be. The 2006 Focus is actually a very cool little car. Great gas mileage (32 mpg), nice get up and go, and cute interior. Plus, each month the Focus will be saving me $150 on car payments, $50 on insurance, and who knows how much I'll be saving on gas.

Way Back Wednesday

This week's theme: Halloween Costumes from your past!

I so need to get the scanner set up. No excuses, Dave and I are just lazy. The only costumes I remember from when I was little are of being a witch (and I think I was that for a few years in a row cuz my Mom hated to take me costume shopping). Then another year I was a pumpkin (itchy costume, hated it). Then another year I begged my Mom to make this crayon costume for me. I looked kinda like this but not as cute cuz my Mom isn't very crafty.

In high school I didn't dress up except for my Senior year when my friends and I got all dressed up and then went around to all of our ex-bf's houses/cars and egged them ;-D I was a clown, complete with makeup and a wig. My friends were a devil, a chicken, and a witch (I think?).

In college, my sorority sisters and I dressed up as an 80's rock band one year then we all went to a fraternity party. At my college it was tradition for all the girls in the sorority to dress as a common theme. So all the girls of Delta Gamma were Play Boy Bunnies and all the girls of Kappa were 80's prom queens, etc.

Last year, Dave and I dressed up and went to Castro District in San Francisco (Gay Mecca) for Halloween with some friends. A lot of crazy fun and a lot of people. Dave's not in the pic but he was a white-trash mechanic, I was a wet t-shirt contest winner, Britney was Marilyn Monroe, and Scott was an angry tomato. Good times!!!

I Have Anal Glaucoma

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."

First of all, thank you to everyone who emailed me with their comments on Friday's blog topic. You all are so incredibly sweet and caring. I feel loved ;-) Looking back on it I should have never turned off comments since many of you emailed me anyway and all of your comments gave me clarity over the whole situation. Dave brought up the subject again on Friday night and after talking about it more with him, I realize that I just need to be patient. I have a tendency to want to plan out everything. Tonight's dinner, next week's cocktail party, my future wedding, children's bedrooms, etc. You get the idea. If it's plan-able then I want to think about it, dream about it, and make a rough draft plan. I need to learn to sit back, relax, and enjoy what life brings me.

Saturday, Dave and I went into the city for a friend's 30th birthday party. Before we went to the party, we ate dinner at a Brazilian/Italian fusion restaurant called Mangarosa Bar. YUMMY!!!! The Caiprihinia's were excellent, the Brazillian Steak Rechaud was perfectly flavored and fun since we got to finish cooking it at our table and the yucca fries were delicious. If you're ever in San Francisco and want to try out a fun (and decently priced) restaurant in North Beach then I definitely recommend Mangarosa.

On Sunday, Dave and I went to an Oakland Raider's football game. Holy cow. The Raider fans take scary to a whole new level. Even though Dave and I were there in our silver and black to cheer for the Raiders, I was still scared of my fellow fans and their love of the team. I felt like at any moment we could have gotten beaten up for looking the wrong way at a fan and his costume (I can't believe how many people get dressed up!). Now I know why so many other teams and their fans are afraid of the Raider Nation! The game was great (we won) and our seats were excellent thanks to a friend who gave us free tickets. Wooo!

On Monday, I stayed home because I have unused vacation time at work that needs to be used before the year's end. I thought it would be a nice relaxing day to watch chick flicks and curl up on the couch with a good book. Instead I spent the day deep-cleaning the apartment and running errands. Exciting stuff.

Broken Hearts and Dreams

About 2 months ago, Dave and I had a serious discussion about kids. We both agreed at this point in time we're very happy with the lifestyle we lead. No sleepless nights, no poopy diapers, no babysitters, no toddlers throwing fits, no drooling babies, NO responsibility. We both agreed that at this point in time none of the above is remotely appealing to either one of us and quite frankly might NEVER be appealing to either of us. I love dreaming up baby names but honestly I love my career and I don't think I'd ever be willing to give up my career to raise a child. Not to mention I'm not looking forward to wrecking havoc on my body with pregnancy, I wouldn't enjoy not having time to read my books or visit the gym, and I most certainly wouldn't enjoy dealing with a toddler and their unreasonable minds. I'm just not the type of girl who has ever gotten the deep desire to become impregnated and birth little spawns. Maybe someday I will?

And it's that 'maybe someday I will' thought that has been invading my mind lately. Maybe someday my eyes will mist at the thought of seeing my belly swell. Maybe someday I'll want to hold a slimy, bloody baby in my arms. Maybe someday I'll blog about my kid and it's bowel movements and be the happiest mom to ever blog. Who knows?

What I do know is that the idea that someday I might want to have a baby and Dave might not has me questioning everything. As I told Dave the other day, I can't imagine myself ever wanting a kid but I also can't imagine myself ever not having kids. Should Dave and I even be talking about marriage if this might be an issue someday? A very BIG issue.

I feel like I'm in between a rock and a hard spot. Do I want Dave? Or do I want a family? I can't imagine my life without Dave. I've been in other long term relationships and I've never found anyone who has made me fall so completely head over heels. Someone who makes me so happy. On the flip side, I can't imagine myself 90 with no kids, no grandkids, no one to take care of me. No one to watch me die. I can't imagine never knowing what it feels like to be nine months pregnant. Not ever knowing what it feels like to give birth. Not ever knowing what it feels like to love something that came from me.

*sigh* What to do? What to do? I'm turning off comments for this post because I really don't feel like hearing everyone tell me that I'm going to want to become a mom someday cuz maybe I wont. And I don't want to hear everyone tell me that Dave and I need to decide on kids before we get married cuz we have tried to decide and we can't. We can't foresee the future and we can't plan for a future that either one of us is not sure we even want. We'll have to cross that bridge when we get there and I must admit that this situation makes me not as excited to get married or get anywhere near that bridge. For now, I'm feeling sad that this is something I feel so confused about and that this will be an issue in the future. Honesty, I'm also a little bit bitter that Dave isn't super excited to see our babies pop out of me someday. Most of my friends have had to beat their boyfriends/husbands off with sticks cuz their husbands are so excited to start baby-making and my friends are the ones that needed just a bit more time before they were ready. Why isn't Dave as excited as them??? Is it me? *sigh*

Pictures

Us at the Foundation Gala.

Melissa Etheridge sang! WOOO!!!

Last weekend, I took Dave to my college-town for the 1st time ever. We watched a football game, ate dinner with my Dad, and had lunch the next day with my Mom. I had a fun time showing Dave around Fresno and Dave had a fun time seeing my old college stomping grounds. I miss Fresno sometimes ;-/

When we first arrived in town I was super excited to show Dave my dream home. This house is a 4,000 sq foot model home with this really cool courtyard in the center. Every room in the house has a window view of the courtyard. I love this house!!! When I first saw the house it was selling for $250,000 (in my opinion, a decent price for a 5 bedroom unique house). Now, 3 years later the house is selling for over $1.2 million! Holy Cow!!!

Someday ...

Paloma Blanca #3605

FrankenFoot & Me

Yesterday, I finally convinced my wonderful boyfriend to hop alongside me and see the doctor. The foot has swelled up even more and now sports this weird purple/pink color all over it. The FrankenFoot resembles a sausage cuz his lower leg, ankle, and foot all have the same swollen roundness to them. At the end of the sausage foot is 5 little toes sticking out. Quite comical. Believe me, I've taken photos. Hehe ;-) So anyways, we went to the doctor, they took x-rays, found no broken bones but will get back to us today about the possibility of torn ligaments. Ehh... At least there isn't any broken bones.

In other news, I've been super good about not blabbering about weddings to Dave. We did talk about it some last night as he hopped and I walked through Best Buy (I wanted to buy the new Death Cab and Cold Play CDs). But the only reason we talked about it was because he brought it up! And even then it was mostly just him teazing me about how my ring is the same price as a big screen TV. Shhhhh! Don't tell him but I'm buying him a big screen for x-mas ;-)

Medic!

My wonderful boyfriend sprained his ankle last night playing on his men's baseball team. He was sliding into 2nd with the base crowded by the 2nd baseman, short stop, and pitcher (why all of them decided to play the base is beyond me). Dave slid and suddenly there was a mass of arms, legs, and a ball flying through the air. Words can't describe the horror I felt when I saw him get hurt. For a few excrutiating minutes, I had no idea if his ribs had been stepped on or if his neck had been broken or if he was knocked out cold (worse case going through my head). As it turns out, he'd just made a bad slide and bent his ankle in completely the wrong direction. He's recovering at home today by elevating his leg and playing SoCom III. My poor baby ;-(

Melissa Etheridge & My Weekend

Dave and I went to the mall on Saturday and while we were there I decided to show him my beloved Pretty Baby. *sigh* I LOVE that ring so much. It just looks so perfect on my finger. Dave seemed to love the ring too but I know he had his heart set on surprising me with a ring he created himself so I'm not sure what he'll go with when the time comes. I also know that Dave hates shopping and I don't think that he realizes how much shopping around is required when buying diamonds so I have a feeling that he'll go with the ring I love because it'll be easier on him and because he knows I'll be happy with it. EEEEE!!!

Now that I've shown the ring to Dave and verbally expressed to him how much I want to get married someday, I've decided that I'm no longer allowed to broach any wedding related talks with him. I'm excited about the possibility of getting engaged (much like I'm excited about going on vacation) and I know me. When I get excited about something I tend to want to talk about that something. A lot. All the time. Can't stop me if you tried. I don't want Dave to confuse my excited chatter as pressure because I'm honestly not trying to pressure him. I'm just excited. Really excited. The balls in his court now. He knows what I want and I know that someday he'll do his best to give me everything that I want.

This weekend Dave and I went to another black-tie charity event. We had a lot of fun (I'll have pictures uploaded later this week). We went last year and I felt it was more fun since we had better dinner seats and the cocktail hour was less crowded. This year over 1,400 people attended which meant the lines for alcohol were super long and it was almost impossible to find all of our friends in the clutter of wait staff, hour derves, and people. The highlight of the night came during the entertainment when we were treated to a performance by Bruce Hornsby and Melissa Etheridge. In year's past we've seen Tina Turner, Cirque du Soleil acts, and casts from Broadway musicals but nothing has been as exciting as hearing Melissa Etheridge sing. Bruce Hornsby was awesome too and he played for at least an hour and a half.

Unscripted

How I Planned for Yesterday To Go:
Noon - Eat a reasonable "healthy" meal even though I knew that I would be tempted by the Mexican food my fellow coworkers would be eating.
1pm - Drive home from meeting.
4pm - Hit they gym for an exhilirating workout.
6pm - See Dave! YAY!
7pm - Eat sushi at my favorite sushi restaurant.
8pm - Get some coffee (him) and green tea (me) at our favorite coffee house.
9pm - Sex!

What Really Happened Yesterday:
Noon - Saw all the glorious mexican food and against my better judgement ate all the chips, salsa, tortillas, rice, and flan that I could get my chubby little hands on.
2pm - Drove home from meeting.
4pm - Tired from drive. Decide that since I gorged myself at lunch that it would be worthless to even attempt the gym. Gym skipped.
6pm - Saw Dave! YAY!
6:30pm - Dave falls asleep on the couch.
7pm - Realize that Dave is knocked out and that we wont be going to dinner ;-(
8pm - I get hungry but realize that there is nothing to eat in the kitchen. I grab some chocolate chip cookies and make a grilled cheese sandwich. Not so healthy but quite yummy.
10pm - I wake Dave up, drag him to bed, then fall asleep.

PS I'm feeling very wistful today about getting engaged. I REALLY want it to happen soon!!! *sigh* I might show the ring to Dave this weekend when we go to the mall to pick up his vest and tie. (Dave already owns his own tux but I make him rent a vest and tie each event because I want it to match my dress. I have yet to wear a dress color other than black but I swear that one day I'm gonna wear that funky colored dress!!!)

SHHHH!!!!

I'm out of town this week at a business meeting. I went to the local bookstore to pick up a travel guide book for Los Cabos and while I was there I decided to pick up 2 wedding magazines for fun. I feel so naughty. Part of me feels like I'm still the lil girl who is dreaming about her big day and the other part of me feels like the mid-20s woman who has a career, a nice apartment, and a live-in boyfriend who is 30. Holy cow!!! I might actually be getting engaged in the next few months! Me! Getting married!!! EEEEEE!!!!!!

EEEEEEEEE!!!!!

YAY!!! In March 2006, Dave and I will be spending 7 wonderful days and 6 wonderful nights at the all-inclusive Presidente Los Cabos Resort in San Jose Del Cabo. I met with the travel agent earlier today and put down our deposit. I can't believe that we're really going!!! I'm so excited! Now I just need to lose a few pounds in the next 5 months. Oye Vey.

I'm All About the TMI

I was talking to my best friend Britney on the phone.

Me: Dave and I had sex last night and I had the most intense orgasm.

B: Really?

Me: Yeah. The orgasm was amazing AND it felt like it lasted forever. I've never experienced an orgasm like that before. *sigh*

B: Was it a g-spot orgasm or just a regular orgasm?

Me: Gosh. I don't know. I've never has a g-spot orgasm. Maybe that was why it felt so intense.

B: What did it feel like?

Me: It felt incredible but oddly enough it felt like I was going to pee. And oddly enough, I really didn't care if I did pee. Life is a constant game of give and take, and I was okay if in exchange for this mind-blowing orgasm, I peed on David (even though I'm not sure he would have agreed).

B: Everyone deserves an orgasm like that at least once in their life.

Me: Amen.

Dear Pretty Baby,

Hi Pretty Baby. I fell in love with you today while at the mall. You're the 1st ring that has made me instantly and completely enamored. I didn't even want to try on the other rings that the nice sales lady was trying to show me. I just wanted to wear you and look at you and how perfect you looked on my hand. Amazingly, you didn't make my fingers look boney like every other ring. You didn't make me scrutinize my nails and their lack of length. You didn't even make me worry that eveyone will notice that little bit of knuckle hair that I hate. All I was able to do was look at you and dream of the future I want with you. What I love about you Pretty Baby (and yes I named you as soon as I tried you on) is that you're classic yet unique with those askew side diamonds. Pretty Baby, I want to take this slow and wait a few weeks before I show you to your future adoptive daddy, but I'm not sure that I'll be able to because my love for you is so intense. You make me get a little fluttery feeling in my tummy that I've never gotten with any other ring. I love you Pretty Baby and I hope someday we'll spend forever with each other.

XOXO,
CORI

Imelda the Horrible SUCKS (and she has shoulders like a linebacker)

I'm in such a blah mood today. I have so much work to do and I don't want to do any of it. I want to be at home watching some sappy love story with a bottle of wine. Blah.

I feel much better after talking with Dave about the TMI dilemma but it's still eating away at me. Part of me wants to badger the subject to death (as women often love to do) but the other part of me knows that I just need to accept his apology, hope he never does it again, and laugh about the whole thing. Blah.

I want to have a nice girly weekend with my sorority sisters. I don't know if it was Way Back Wednesday's theme or if I just need some good girly fun but lately, I'm missing those girls like something fierce. Blah.

I want to find a jeweler and design my ring but I have this fear that I'm moving too fast cuz it's not like Dave and I have set a timeline. Part of me doesn't want a timeline cuz this is supposed to be something fun but the other part of me needs a timeline so I don't feel like I'm doing something wrong and planning when he isn’t expecting me to plan. Blah.

Not helping my whole blah mood is that we played Imelda the Horrible's team in softball last night and we LOST. Horribly. We've played them several times before and have beaten them easily but I'm not sure what happened this time. They got lucky? We didn't play up to par? We got cocky? They became a better team? Not sure. All I know is that they beat us 5-1, made few errors, and hit some awesome balls while we made tons of errors in the infield and hit every ball directly into their mitts. It really didn't help that Imelda was one chatty lil b*tch who didn't keep her mouth shut. Words can't even help me explain what she was doing to make me so angry through out the game. Just believe me when I say that she was a big ol' b*tch and that I hate her more then ever now. Stupid b*tch.

Way Back Wednesday!!!

AHHHH!!! Sorority life!!! Some of my favorite memories EVER are comprised of my experiences in a sorority. I don't think people understand the hard work, dedication, and team spirit that is required to be a succesful, happy sorority sister. Unfortunately, most of the pics I have of me being drunk with my sorority sisters are in my photo album and our scanner is not set up yet. I may have to bug Dave to get it set up asap cuz I have some GREAT pictures! Hehe ;-D I also have a picture of Dave smothered with red paint running through his fraternity house while in college that I would love to share with you all. HAHA!

This picture was taken at an official sorority event that we held each year to welcome the incoming pledges. We'd all get dressed up in the hokiest outfits we could find then go bowling for a fun sober evening (no alcohol at official sorority functions!). Afterwards we'd all go to the fraternity houses and drink with the boys. LtoR: Gina, Me, Jayme, Britney & Marci.

This picture was taken on a trip a few of us girls took to Vancouver BC celebrate Britney's 19th bday and partake in fun legal Canadian activities. LtoR: Jayme, Marci, Gina, Me & Britney. As you can tell, I was very close with the same 4 girls in my sorority. I loved most of the other girls and hung out with them too but I didn't have the same connection. Jayme is getting married next June. She's a kept woman. Marci lives in San Diego and works for a airline. Gina is a winemaker in Napa during the fall and New Zealand during the Spring. And Britney is still in school for the next year or more. She's a lil slower then the rest of us ;-p

Things That Make Me Happy (TMI Update)

Thanks to April who informed me of www.antiquejewelrymall.com. I've found so many cute rings that are UNIQUE and pretty and honestly I've never been into the 'antique' look but these rings I love. I might just explode from all the giddiness I get from looking at rings I actually like. The only bad thing is that I am hesitant to buy a ring on-line before physically trying it on. My hands are so small and sometimes rings that look great in print look horrible on my hands.

Dave and I were talking about the whole ring situation since I'm having such a hard time finding anything that I like. He's still dead set against coming to the jeweler with me since he really wants the ring he chooses to be a surprise to me when he proposes. At the same time he realizes that the ring needs to be something that I like since I'll be wearing it on my hand for the rest of my life. His creative solution is to have me go to a local boutique jeweler and talk with someone who will help me discover what I really like and don't like (aka give me more assistance then the sales lady at Zales). Then Dave wants to go to the same jeweler, find out my preferences, and design a custom ring. I really like this idea and it'll probably be what we end up doing. Now, our only problem is finding a reputable local jeweler who will give me the time and assistance that we will need. There are so many jewelers in the Bay Area and I'm not sure how to find the best one.

In other news that makes me happy, I talked with Dave about yesterday's TMI dilemma. I decided to talk to him since it was continuing to bother me and I didn't want this to escalate into a bigger situation later down the road. I have a good friend named BJ whose live-in bf has a bad habit of looking at naughty things even though BJ has had many arguments with him about how she disapproves of ALL naughty things. After each argument, BJ demands that all naughty things cease and desist, the bf agrees, then a couple weeks pass and BJ finds naughty magazines under their bed, naughty DVDs under their couch, or naughty urls in the history of their computer. For the last year, BJ and her bf have been having the same argument repeatedly and BJ isn't sure what to do since in every other aspect the bf is perfect. Ahhh! Isn't life fun!

So last night, Dave and I were laying in bed and my head was on his chest. I very gently told him that I had seen what he was doing after I got out of the shower and that I wasn't mad about what he was doing but my feelings were VERY hurt that he chose what was on the computer screen over me. He reassured me that he loves me very much and that he was sorry that my feelings were hurt. The conversation wasn't long but I felt like I made my point and I felt like Dave understood why I was upset.

Last night while Dave was playing a baseball game, I looked at his computer history even though I know it was a total breach of his privacy and I'm a bit ashamed of myself. But it was killing me to not know what Dave was looking at on the computer. Was it something seriously kinky that he's afraid to try with me? Was it 500 pound women? 500 pound men? I felt like I needed to know to put my mind to rest. Luckily, it ended up being some pretty generic naughty stuff like woman on woman, women with big basketball chests, and bjs galore. Nothing that worried me and honestly I kinda liked some of what I saw ;-)

TMI. I Warned You!

My good friend Tammy wanted me to update my blog but unfortunately I have a bit of a TMI situation that is weighing on my thoughts. I really don't feel like blogging about another subject or about my relatively relaxing weekend. I don't feel like pretending the TMI situation doesn't exist because it does and I keep thinking about it EVERY 5 minutes. I feel like being brutally honest about it because I'm not sure whether I should be angry, sad, or embarrassed and I feel like blogging will help me deal with what I am feeling.

So here we go: I came home last night after working out at the gym. I sat down for a few minutes, talked with Dave and then jumped in the shower. 15 minutes later my shower was done and I was hot from all the steam so instead of getting dressed in my pjs or brushing my wet hair (like I usually do immediately after a shower), I decided to walk into the living room in my towel and watch TV with Dave while I cooled off. So I walk out of the bathroom and notice that the TV is silent which is weird cuz Dave was watching the SF Giants baseball game. I walk into the living room and I'm quiet cuz there wasn't a reason to be loud and my bare feet weren't making much of a noise on the carpet. I walk up behind Dave and notice that he's looking at his laptop and his arm is doing something weird. Then all of a sudden I realize that Dave is looking at something naughty on the computer and doing that naughty thing that men do when they're looking at naughty things on the computer! And I don't know how to react cuz I didn't expect to catch Dave in the predicament that I caught him in so I slowly backed out of the room and tip toed back down the hall and tried my best to evaluate the situation.

Unlike most women, I'm OK with the idea of Dave looking at naughty things whether it be on the internet, in a magazine, or on a DVD. I'll even admit that I think the naughty things are pretty darn arrousing. And unlike most women, I'm OK with Dave doing that naughty thing that men do even though I've never seen him do that thing until yesterday. What I'm NOT OK with is that Dave was doing that naughty thing that he was doing when I was just down the hall. Naked. Wet. In the Shower! If he was feeling arroused then why didn't he just hop in the shower with me? Why didn't he just WAIT the f'ng 10 minutes for me to be out of the shower and then have his way with me? Why was the naughty thing that he was looking at on the computer better then being with ME??? Errrr!

(Note - Unfortunately, I didn't see what naughty thing on the computer Dave was looking at. I was too surprised to get a good glance and Dave's back was blocking most of the screen.)

So here's where I need advice (and please give me advice cuz I feel totaly alone and confused). How would YOU have reacted in this situation? I never said anything to Dave about it but I'm sure he could tell that something was bothering me cuz I was a bit moody all evening. Would you have said something to your significant other? What would you say? If it's still bothering me should I bring it up tonight and talk to him about it? Should I just ignore the situation?

I Will Follow You Into the Dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

I am LOVING the new Death Cab for Cutie CD. Check it out. I think it's awesome but then again I always love me some whiney-boy-with-guitars-indie-rock.

I'm also loving Rhapsody. They have every song or album that you could want to listen to and it's pretty cheap. It's nice to be able to hear the entire album several times before buying it. I thought I would love the new White Stripes CD (everyone was raving about it) but I listened to it on Rhapsody and thought it was decent but not something I would really want to spend my money on. Best of all is that you only need one membership and then you can load it on several computers. Dave pays for the membership and uses it on his computer and I use it on my computer too. I can see his playlists and he can see mine but they're separate and unique.

25 vs. 30

Dave: Ahhhh. That nap I took on Sunday afternoon was so great.

Me: Really? It looked kinda uncomfortable. You were sleeping sideways across the bed and the blanket wasn't covering you all the way.

D: Yeah. That's what I liked so much about the nap. I was sleeping sideways and it felt kinda ... naughty.

Me: I find it enjoyable to feel naughty during sex. You find it enjoyable to feel naughty while sleeping. SLEEPING! There's something wrong with that.

D: What a person finds enjoyable at 25 is different then what a person finds enjoyable at 30.

Me: I wish I had known you when you were 25.

I Used To Be So Hot! *sigh*

Joining in with Rosalie and Jen's fun. Here I am way back when I used to be HOT!


Can you see the flat stomach and thin little arms???


Summer 2004: When I Had to Beat The Boys Back With Sticks Cuz I Was So Hot.

1 year later
1 excellent boyfriend who treats me like a princess
20 pounds gained

*sigh*

PS - Most of my pictures from Summer 2004 are drunk, party pics. Good times.

I Thought This Was Supposed to be Fun and EASY

I did some minor ring shopping this weekend since I had some shopping to do at the mall and the rings were calling my name. I really expected to find a ring I loved immediately but unfortunately because I have such small fingers (size 5) I've found it harder then I ever imagined to even find a ring that looks good on me. So far all the rings I've seen have fallen into three categories:
1) Rings I don't like or are just gawd awful ugly.
2) Rings that I LOVE but look horrible on my hand cuz my fingers are too small or the diamonds are too big. All the pave rings have fallen into this category so far.
3) Rings that I love AND look good on my hand BUT look just like engagement rings that my friends have recieved. Stupid friends.

The Presidio

For a couple days last week, I attended a conference at The Presidio in San Francisco. The city traffic was a BITCH (they're retrofitting a bridge for earthquakes) but well worth it to get to see The Presidio. The Presidio is an old military base located at the base of the Golden Gate Bridge (click here to learn the full history). Gorgeous views, magnificent buildings, and lots of history. My meeting was held in The Officer's Club and I couldn't help but fantasize about what it would look like to hold a wedding there. So pretty. If you ever get the chance to visit SF, make sure you check out The Presidio.

My Children Have New Names

I've recently fallen in love with 2 new baby names for any future-children that Dave and I might spawn. For a boy Jackson David. Jackson in honor of my Dad (Jack) and David as a middle name cuz Dave's middle name is his father's name. Get that? For a girl I still love the name Emily Grace but I also love Denica Lee. Denica is the name of my favorite bakery in town (I feel fat. I'm naming my future children after my favorite bakery ;-) We could call her Deni for short and Lee is a middle name that all the women in my family have carried for generations.

On to other news, Dave and I talked about the whole engagement issue even more. My new task is to find rings I like and bookmark them on Dave's computer. How romantic! *sarcasm*

I'm really not as excited by this as I thought I would be. Part of it is because I know that Dave wont be ready to ask me to marry him for AT LEAST another 3 months because I know Dave and I know that he needs time to make sure that we're/he's ready for marriage. In reality, it'll probably happen sometime 6 months to a year from now. In the meantime I am going to look for a ring that I like since I don't really know what will look good on my finger. I hope to find a ring and then wait a month to see if it's THE ring and I still love it just as much as I did a month ago. My tastes in rings change so often. Lately, I've been loving pave rings but like I said my tastes change so often so who knows what I'll love next week.

Disappointed in Myself

I'm so disappointed in myself. Yesterday morning we had a big meeting so I picked up some super yummy and delicious pastries from a tiny local bakery for the people attending the meeting to eat. Guess who ended up eating waaaay TOO many croissants, muffins, and bearclaws? Me. Big-fat-trying-to-lose-weight-but-no-wonder-I-cant ME. Blech. I feel so fat today. I should have had self control yesterday. I should have never touched the pastries cuz I know me and I know that once I start eating something sweet and yummy that I can't stop. Yuck. (BTW - The big meeting was coordinated and lead by me. Everyone says that I did a super good job. Yay.)

I'm also disappointed in myself for the way I reacted for something Dave did last night. Yesterday he had a baseball game. Usually, I'm the only girlfriend/wife who attends so I sit in the stands by myself and watch him while reading my book. The games are fun to cheer for and I honestly enjoy the fact that Dave always insists that I attend even though none of the other boys even want their girls within 10 miles of the ballpark. But yesterday was a bit cold (*GASP* it was 65 and windy!!) so I stayed home and watched a chick flick while he went and played. Around 8pm he called and said that a few of the boys would be going out to a sports bar for drinks. He asked me if I wanted to meet them at the bar but I said no since I was in my pjs and my hair was a giant frizz ball. He said that he would just drink one beer and then he'd be home so I expected him to return by 9pm. Well 9:30 rolls around and Dave's not home yet. I'm LIVID and I'm not even sure why. He never goes out by himself and the one time he does and comes home just a bit later then expected I get upset? I suck. So I keep trying to calm myself down but I can't. He's late and I'm upset. So Dave comes home at 9:45pm and I try my best to not act as upset as I am. But I suck at acting so Dave knows that I'm a little bummed that he came home late. Of course, Dave being the 'perfect boyfriend ever created' cuddles me while smothering me with kisses and telling me all the things I need to here. Today, I'm no longer upset that Dave came home late but I am upset with myself for reacting the way I did. I need to learn to control my emotions.

The Perfect Weekend

I blame the chocolate candies. I blame them as the reason that on Fridy night, I tried on my gorgeous, navy blue with sparkley stuff, evening gown and discovered that it did not fit. Dave (being the perfect boyfriend that he is) attempted to yank, shove, and manhandle me into the dress until we both gave up and I made an emergency run to Macy's to find a replacement. I was super irritated at myself for not fitting in the dress thus I did what every reasonable woman does: I took my wrath out on every person in my direct line of vision. Poor Dave took my bitchy attitude like a champ. He sure is a great guy ;-) So ... one hour later I found a semi-cute 3/4 length black dress that wasn't quite as formal as I would have preferred but it fit and it was on clearance for $50. Score.

On Saturday morning I woke up, skipped my normal yoga session and instead went to get my hair done. Long story short, I originally was going to have my hair styled but because we were attending a brunch on Sunday I decided it would be easier to just wear my hair down on Saturday night so that I could wake up on Sunday and put my hair in a sleek ponytail. Instead of canceling my hair appointment I used the stylist to wash and straighten my hair. Not a super hard job since my naturally wavy hair goes straight fairly easy. Total time spent at the hair salon: 25 minutes. Total cost: $55 plus tip. Does anyone else think that was excessively expensive???

The charity gala began at 6pm with a cocktail hour. Ummm … WOW is all I can say. Not only did we receive all the free champagne, mixed drinks, wine and beer that we could drink (and believe me we took full advantage of the bar) but there was an enormous spread of SUSHI, dim sum, lamb chops and other fancy food as hor derves. YUM ;-9 After the cocktail hour, we were ushered into the banquet room for dinner. I felt like the best little corporate wife ever as I knew everyone and their spouses sitting at our table, had some intelligent and witty conversations, and made sure to use my best manners through out the evening. The evening and the entertainment were excellent as they usually are during most of the charity events we attend. After dinner several of us headed up to the bar located on the top floor of the hotel. We’ve been up there before but I can’t help but be amazed at the view of the San Francisco skyline each time we go there. Several drinks later we all jumped into a cab and went to some random dance club. Things got a little hazy for me here since by this time I had been drinking for 6 hours straight. Dave and I stayed for a few songs and then decided to go back to the hotel.

OK So if you only read one paragraph of this post, READ THIS ONE! Dave and I get back to the hotel and have some amazing sex (TMI I’m sure, but holy cow that was some damn good news worthy sex). As I’ve said on my blog several times I want to marry Dave. He’s such a great guy and I love him so much plus for some reason I have this feeling in my gut that Dave is the ONE for me. You might be surprised to know that I’ve done a really good job about keeping my desire to get married away from Dave. I want Dave to marry me on his own terms because HE is ready not because he’s tired of hearing me nag him about the issue. So … we’re laying in bed after sex, and I blurt out to Dave that I want to get married. Dave asked me why I wanted to get married and I told him it was because it felt right. We talked about it for a few minutes more and then we both passed out since by that time it was 2 am and we were both semi-drunk.

On Sunday morning, I thought that maybe Dave had forgotten about the conversation so I asked him on the BART ride home if what I said the night before scared him. He told me no, kissed me on my neck, and then pulled me into his arms to cuddle. THEN, when we were driving home from the BART station (a short 5 minute drive), Dave was talking about the mini-cooper he wants to buy as a fun car. I was making fun of the car cuz how can you not make fun of the mini-cooper and the fact that Dave is 6 foot tall and wont fit in the car??? So I’m laughing at the jokes I’m making and Dave looks at me and says ‘Fine. The engagement ring that I was going to buy you just got turned into a mini-cooper!’ Hmmm …..

PS - Dave and I were invited to the exclusive brunch on Sunday that benefited the charity. It was quite an honor to get invited and even more of a treat to experience the brunch. Sunday brunch at the CityScape Restaurant was EXCELLENT. If you are ever in San Francisco and want to do an elegant, delicious, and romantic brunch then I highly recommend CityScape. Champagne, omelets, caviar, muffins, deserts galore! I can’t even describe how good the food was. And the views were spectacular. *DROOL*

Hurricane Hell

I was going to write this post about a charity brunch that Dave and I will be attending on Sunday and how I don't have the perfect outfit.

But then I read this nurses' account of her experiences during Hurricane Katrina. Please read it and the 4 updates she has on her live journal. Wow. Really puts things in perspective. Now more then ever, I really want to go help out with the hurricane relief efforts but honestly I'm scared. Scared of missing Dave, scared of missing my bed, scared to have my entire little day turned around, scared of what I might see. I feel so selfish right now.

Politics, Sex & Chocolate

1) I love me some Surburban Bliss when she writes posts like these.

2) This morning I was getting ready for work and the boy was still in bed sleeping. With his long limbs, blue eyes, and blond hair he's just so hot. How in the world did I get so lucky to find such a cutie???? I hope that I'm always as attracted to him as I have been for the last year. I love that boy so much. It's moments like this morning when I can't believe that he loves me. He lives with ME! He voluntarily sleeps in the same bed as ME!!! I'm the luckiest girl ever! It's moments like this morning when I just want to bang him on the head and drag him to the courthouse so that we can get married. MARRY ME DAMMIT! MARRY ME! Ok must calm down ...

3) This weekend Dave and I will be in the City for the charity event we have on Saturday night.
The bad news is that I don't 'exactly' fit into my dress but I'm hoping that by the end of this week I magically shrink. Bleh.... I might be doing some drastic formal wear shopping on Friday night.
The good news is that there will be a chocolate festival in Ghirardelli Square on Sunday. WOO HOO!

Hmmm ...

The federal goverment agency that I work for has just offered to send me to the Gulf Coast to assist FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) in Hurricane Katrina recovery efforts. Fed govt would pay my travel and housing costs.

Holy Cow. I'm SOOO tempted to go. I'd probably be gone for a month, work sun up to sun down, and see things that will haunt me for the rest of my life but it would all be so worth it.

Hmmm ...

Happiness

Last weekend, Dave and I took a day trip to a little seaside town near us called Half Moon Bay. Half Moon Bay is just as beautiful as Carmel or Monterey but a lot less ritzy then those towns and less crowded than Santa Cruz. It was really great to have a day to spend playing on the beach, watching the surfers, and eating good food. I decided that if ever have a wedding and just happen to have $225 per person (doesn't include facility fee) laying around that I would love to have my wedding at the Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay. Gorgeous.

Today, Dave and I are spending the day with his parents in San Francisco. We plan on playing around Fisherman's Wharf for awhile and then eating dinner at Espetus (a brazillian steakhouse). Should be a fun time ;-)

Best Boy Ever!

The boy and I went out to dinner tonight. Sitting across from us were a group of chatty high school girls. One girl had a super flashy Coach purse. We live in a super ritzy bay area town. Teens driving Mercedes is not uncommon.

Dave: Why does a teenager need a $600 purse? Why does anyone need a $600 purse???

Me: Ummm... My plans for tomorrow were to get a pedicure and then pick out a cute Louis Vuitton purse since I've been wanting one for awhile.

Dave: Oh. Seriously?

Me: Yeah. Seriously. But I might change my mind. I just got my hair done ($150) and I just bought a new computer ($1500) and I just bought 3 new formals today for the upcoming charity events that we'll be attending ($500). I can afford the new purse but maybe I should be be careful and save my money. Plus, I have tons of cute purses and I really don't need a new one.

Dave: What made you want the Louis?

Me: I was walking through the shops downtown with a friend and I saw the new fall line in the window. They've got some super cute purses!

Dave: (throws cash at me) For your purse fund. Go get the purse! ;-D

Life is good.

Question

Should I tip my MAC girl? If so, how much?

My $1200 Date

Next Saturday, Dave and I are going to a charity gala in San Francisco that will benefit the City of Hope. I'm pretty excited since I LOVE Dave's black tie events, the people we get to see, the food (at the last event there was all you can eat sushi!), getting dressed up and the causes we're able to support. Unfortunately, attending this event means that I'm going to miss an old friend from college's wedding and seeing my good friend Tammy ;-( But attending this event is good for Dave's career since he's in line to become a VP at his Fortune 50 company and that is a HUGE step for our future.

Dave and I were talking last night and he reminded me that after this event we have another black tie event to support his work's foundation in late September then we have a wine tasting night that supports Easter Seals in early October. Holy Cow. I need to do some massive shopping to find some cute dresses! I think I'll be making a trip into the city this weekend to try and find some cute dresses like this (even though that example is not formal enough). I have about 10,000 little black cocktail dresses/evening gowns in my closet so I'm going to try my hardest to find something with color and something that isn't my steorotypical strapless a-line.

Deep Throat

Since Saturday, I've had the raspiest voice to ever come from a woman. It's not even sexy. I sound like a 60 year old smoker with a few squeaks thrown in for good measure. Dave called me squawk box.

I thought my raspy voice was coming from a respiratory infection since I've had a phlegmy throat and low energy. The low energy wasn't helped by the fact that I haven't been able to sleep at night. This sounds disgusting, but I thought that all the phlegm from my throat was draining into my stomach and giving me an upset tummy and nausea all day long. For the past few nights, I've been tossing and turning in bed till 3am because my stomach is so upset that I can't sleep or if I do fall asleep I'm awakened by nausea a short time later. It sucked. I can live with the phlegmy throat and raspy voice. I can't live with feeling like I'm going to be sick 21 out of the 24 hours of the day.

Yesterday, I decided that I wasn't getting any better so I made a doctor's appointment. Surprise, Surprise! I was so completely wrong in my little diagnosis. The doctor informed me that most likely I have acid reflux which is causing my nausea. Stomach acid is traveling up my esophagus and affecting my vocal cords thus the raspy voice. As a result of the acid, my esophagus is producing phlegm to protect itself. The acid reflux is probably being caused by stress which I don't doubt since last week I was a hormonal stress ball (need I remind you). It all makes so much sense now.

So Mad I Wanna Kick Him

Dave: (checking his accounts online) Cool! I have $xxxx already saved in that credit union account I opened a few months ago.

Me: Cool! $xxxx is alot of money. (As I've said before, the bastard has done a good job of saving money in several different bank accounts.)

Dave: What's even cooler is that I have nothing to spend $xxxx on.

Me: Nothing?

Dave: Nothing planned. (Can he please wipe that big innocent smile off his face! Looking at his face I can just tell that he's being honest. He really doesn't have any plans to spend his money on anything really romantic and wonderful. Like an engagement ring. A really BIG engagement ring!!!)

Me: Cool. Nothing. That's wonderful. (SUPER wonderful. BASTARD!)

Pictures!!!

I'm loving my new computer. So pretty. So lightweight. So mine!

Here is Dave and my new apartment complex. I love how the apartments are right on the lakes. I especially love our little backyard patio.

Not long after moving in, Dave and I had a housewarming party. We got lots of towels and other cool gifts. We were excited ;-p Check out ow cute Dave's nephews are: Matthew and Ryan.

In June, Dave and I went to our local county fair to see the livestock and search for deep fried twinkies. I heart that boy ;-)

In July, Dave and I went to Washington DC. We saw all the sights, did some neat stuff, and watched fireworks. I really REALLY love that boy ;-)

In July, A few sorority sisters and I also went wine tasting. I can't believe how romantic and beautiful some of the wineries are.

Goodbye Pretty Car

I posted ads to sell my car today ;-( I'm gonna miss that car ;-( ;-( ;-(

Deep & Scary Stuff

Somedays I just want to be a hermit. Run away to a mountain cabin where I'd feed and cloth myself. No need for money. No need for interaction with society. No people to annoy me. No need to find someone to love me for the rest of my life. No traffic to deal with. Being by myself all day long would make me happy.

Somedays I just want to drive around in my convertible camaro with my Tiffany's necklace, Seven jeans, D&B handbag, perfectly manicured hands, pedicured toes and expensive highlights. On those days I'm proud of my corporate boyfriend, apartment near the city, materialistic clothing and impractical car. Shopping in San Francisco at the 5 story Macy's that is dedicated to women's clothing is what makes me happiest.

And somedays I start to think about how my heart could be broken at any time by Dave. How my Dad could die tomorrow from a heart attack. How I'll never have enough money to buy everything I want. How I'll never be as thin as I want to be. How I want to have babies one day but have no idea how I'll manage a career and parenting without losing myself completely. How hard it is to maintain a happy marriage. How hard it is to go to work each day with people you don't really like. On those days I wonder why we do this thing called living when it's so difficult. Why do we live each day knowing that tomorrow wont be easy and tomorrow's tomorrow WILL bring sorrow eventually. Wouldn't it be easier to just give up and end it all? End the crying? End the bickering? End the tears? End the days of feeling fat? I'm confident that I could never kill myself but I seriously wonder why we endure so much hurt for the few moments of sunshine ...

Good Times They Are The Gold

Sorry I've been busy lately and I've got a terrible case of blogger's block. I'm not the best writer to begin with but lately my writing is neither coherent or interesting. And I have a lot to say too! Please bare with me and this jumbled up blog post that is probably going to suck.


Anniversary Weekend - Have you ever seen a prettier anniversary present??? Last weekend Dave gave me my first piece of Tiffany's jewelry. It was definitely an unexpected surprise. Can my boyfriend be any better??? The rest of the weekend went well. We stayed at a hotel in The City near Union Square. Very pretty room. Very pretty view. I love San Francisco. I love my boyfriend.

DMB at SBC Park - On Saturday night, Dave and I went to night 2 of the DMB concert. Good concert. Our seats were mediocre which made the concert not as enjoyable as it could have been. I gave my night 1 tickets to our friends Ryan and Tamar who were upgraded at the concert by Warehouse to 9th row! Ryan and Tamar don't even like DMB that much! Whatever. We did get a very cool and romantic set list which was nice. Crash, Dream Girl, The Stone, #41, Two Step, Lover Lay Down, Steady as We Go, Warehouse, Dancing Nancies AND Tripping Billies. Dave isn't into DMB but he's such a good sport and came to the concert with me because he knows how much I love the band.

New Computer - I got a new lap top with a very pretty big screen! WOO HOOO!!!! My old desk top died about a month ago so I haven't been able to sync my PDA, upload pictures, or blog from home which sucked. Dave was more then willing to let me use his lap top since he has 2 (work and personal) but I need my privacy so I'm very happy to have my own computer again. And it’s so pretty!!!

Good In Bed

I'm a book whore. Seriously. I admit it. I LOVE books. On average I read a book a week and sometimes I even read 2 books a week. So as you can imagine I come across a lot of different types of books (Thank God for the Library!). Some books are bad and some books are decent. And then there are a few books that I come across that are stellar, excellent, wonderful, thought provoking, etc. Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner is one of those books. It's the story of a chubby girl and her ex-boyfriend that she still loves. Stuff happens and things occur but I can't tell you about that because then I'd ruin the book for you and it's such a good book that I want you to read it and love it as much as I did. Ahhh!! I want to read it again!!!! I think it might even belong on my top 5 books of all time list. It's that good!

My Favorite 5 Books:
1. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
2. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
3. The Wedding - Nicholas Sparks
4. Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickins
5. Good in Bed - Jennifer Weiner

Where the Deer and the Buffalo Play

I'm in Wichita, Kansas this week for a work conference. I'm scheduled to give an hour 15 minute presentation tomorrow to the entire group (about 100 people). Holy cow is all I can say about that.

I leave here on Friday, fly into Oakland, then take BART directly to San Francisco where I'll be meeting Dave at a hotel. We plan on celebrating our anniversary with a nice dinner on Friday then DMB on Saturday. Dave was joking around and made it clear that I wont be getting a ring as my anniversary present. ;-( Of course his comment hurt my feelings but it lead to a nice discussion on us and marriage. Surprisingly, the discussion was mostly lead by me OPENLY, honestly and effortlessly telling Dave how I felt on the whole subject (such a huge step for me since I suck at the whole communication thing). Dave and I agreed that we want to get married because the time is right for us and NOT because all of our friends are doing it. We both want to talk about marriage and wedding plans extensively before becoming engaged which we'll be a bit difficult for Dave since he is able to show how he feels easily but forgets that he needs to say how he feels too. We both agreed that we're at a good time in our lives to get married (financial stability, established careers, educated, mature, etc). And we both agreed that we want to keep each other and that we both hope marriage is in our future together. Ahhhh! I love that boy!

Batter Up!

Last night, Dave and I played in our 1st co-ed softball game of the season. Last night, Dave and I also saw his ex-gf 'Imelda the Horrible' again since she plays on another team in our same division. Wooo ;-/ I'm sure we'll be seeing much more of Imelda as the season progresses and we'll even be playing 2 games against Imelda's team sometime in the future. I must admit that last night Imelda became louder and more annoying as soon as she knew that Dave and I were around but at least she wasn't as bitchy or drunk as last time I saw here. She ignored us and we ignored her. I can live with that.

Refresher: (I really needed to load my archives back into blogger!). Imelda the Horrible is Dave's ex-gf whom he dated for 6 months from Oct 03 to May 04. Last softball season (around October 04) we played a game against Imelda's team. Imelda came to the game PLASTERED drunk! It was my 1st time meeting her. During the game Imelda talked sh*t to me everytime I came to bat (she was catcher) and then as soon as the game was over she immediately ran over to our side of the dugout, tried to be friendly with all of our teammates while hanging all over Dave and talking about things they did when they were together. Dave was a perfect boy, he was nice to Imelda but didn't play into any of her games. I was really proud of how he reacted but not pleased at all with Imelda (to say the least).

On to other news: Last night, Dave and I found out that one of our teammates (and good friend) just got engaged to his girlfriend. Wooo for them. They're a super cute couple so I'm completely happy for them. Unfortunately, I think that makes Dave and me the last unmarried couple in our group ;-( *SIGH* I've come to semi-accept that Dave and I wont be engaged for a very long time to come. I'm thinking that it'll probably be around the 2 year mark or maybe even later. Dave's just not in a hurry like I am (but at least he seems to be ready). Plus, Dave's so preoccupied and stressed with his job that he even admits that he doesn't think of much else but work even when he's trying to relax at home. Last night, Dave came home around 6pm, we ate dinner at his parent's house, went to our softball game at 8pm, then as soon as we came home Dave went back to work til 1:30am. AND He woke up at 5:15am this morning so that he could get back to work and finish up some things before everyone else came in. ;-( *SIGH*

Sorority Girls Gone Wild

I took Monday and Tuesday off for 2 reasons. The first reason was that I wanted to organize our 2nd bedroom closet which had become a trash bin for everything in the house that we didn't know what to do with. I've been meaning to tackle this project ever since we moved. Finally I decided that I was too lazy/busy to accomplish the organizing in one weekend and that I needed to take a few days off of work. So I went to Ikea, bought really cute (and cheap) storage bins and secluded myself in the room along with file folders. Final Outcome: the room is much more organized then it was a few days ago but I'm not completely satisfied ... yet. We still need to replace the current desk with a newer/cuter/more compact desk as well as buy a new matching bookcase.

The second reason I stayed home for 2 days was to re-coop from my crazy wine tasting trip that I took with 10 other sorority sisters. I definetely need more days to re-coop and rest. Those girls wore me out! Highlights of the trip were bringing home a winemaker after meeting him in his tasting room (he stayed til the next morning), making friends with a cop who showed up at the house later in his cop car to see how our night was going, and dancing on the table of a tasting room. If you've never gone wine tasting then let me tell you that USUALLY wine tasting is a very romantic and refined event filled with gorgeous views, snobby wine people, limos, and lots of expensive handbags being carried by the fellow tasters who are ungodly rich. Somehow we turned our classy girl's weekend bonding trip into a drunk and crazy laugh fest. Let me tell you, I wouldn't have had it any other way!

PS ... Best Wine of the Weekend: FroZin by Meeker. It's a truly yummy desert wine that is very unique. One of my favorite wines ever. Please do yourself a favor, buy some online, mix it with vodka to make a FroZini, invite some girls over, and drink your FroZini's while eating a chocolate cake. You'll love it!!! Mmmm!

PPS ... After this weekend, I've decided that if I ever get married, I really want my bachlorette party to consist of a girl's weekend in Napa/Sonoma. Limos, wine tasting and mud baths are my definition of a perfect girl's weekend.

The Sweetest Words

I came home yesterday to find that Dave had convinced someone at work to give us a box of chocolate (cuz I am a HUGE chocolate lover). Now when I say box of chocolate I don't mean a small box filled with 48 chocolate pieces. No, my friend. I mean a BOX filled with several assorted boxes of chocolate. I have enough chocolate to last me til next Valentine's Day and a boy who is always thinking about me. I don't know what else a girl could want (besides a HUGE diamond ring ;-p).

So last night we were laying in bed, my head was on his chest, he was stroking my hair to make me fall asleep and I couldn't help but think how damn lucky I am to have this boy. He has blue eyes, the sweetest personality, fun to be with, big feet ;-), we never fight, and he LOVES me! He loves ME!!! I'm just so lucky. Right before I feel asleep I told him that I wanted to keep him.

His response: 'maybe I want to keep you too'.

;-D

It's Gotta Start Somewhere!

A year ago I met Dave, fell in love, had sex all day, pizza every night and subsequently gained 20 pounds. I've been trying my hardest to lose the weight through diet and exercise and have actually been able to lose a pound or two each week. Unfortunately, I keep sabotaging any weight loss by making excuses for 'special days' like family bbqs, happy hours, business dinners, dinners with friends, business trips, etc and immediately gaining back what I worked so hard to lose.

I made a promise to myself this week that I will limit my caloric intake to 1200-1500 calories a day! I will exercise 5-6 days a week to include an hour of cardio and strength training! I will have NO more 'special days' (esp. since my special days occured 2x per week on average)! I will go from looking like this to looking like I did a year ago with legs like these!! I can do it!!!

This week so far: One pound down, 19 to go til my butt looks like this again and 32 to go til I reach my dream weight. (note: I didn't get serious about losing weight until Tuesday so 1 pound is not bad for just a few days). I've cut back my food consumption a bit which was much easier then I thought it would be. Fewer snacks during the day and I'm trying to limit what I eat for dinner since I wasn't being as good as I should have been during that meal. I've always exercised so that hasn't been too difficult. The hardest part will be this weekend when I have an sorority alumni event in Napa that will include tons of wine, tons of drinking, and tons of brownies and snacks. Wish me will power!

Things I Love Today:

* Old Navy Jeans - I bought my first pair of jeans from Old Navy on Tuesday cuz I needed a pair of jeans asap. I never knew that they had such great jeans in so many different shapes and fabrics!!! In the past I've bought skirts, shorts and khakis from Old Navy but all of my jeans have come from Lucky or A&F ($80 and up). I'm really loving the color, fit, comfy fabric and PRICE ($25!) of Old Navy Jeans so much that I'll be going back and buying more cute jeans.

* Ford Focus - My car is in the body shop getting a dent fixed (somebody hit me when I was at the bar drinking with Dave and friends). For now I'm driving a Ford Focus and loving it!! So cute, stylish and cheap! I'm going to get a new more economical car soon so I'm thinking that I might get the Focus in Silver. I love my flashy convertible but in reality I don't ever drive with the top down and I could use the money saved on car payments for other uses.

* Breezy Bay Area Days - It's never super hot here and I love that!!! Nothings better then having to wear a sweatshirt on a bright sunny summer day cuz the breezy ocean air and fog have left you chilled.

* Wearing Dave's Old Fraternity Sweatshirts - I wear sweatshirts almost year round due to the chilly weather that we get here sometimes. My most favorite sweatshirts to wear are Dave's old college sweatshirts. I'm wearing one today. I heart that boy! ;-D ;-D ;-D

So Sleepy ...

Last night I treated Dave to a Reel Big Fish concert at the Fillmore in San Francisco as part of his birthday present. We had a really good time even though the Fillmore was filled with teeny boppers. Were tenny boppers even in elementary school when sell-out was big???? And what are high school kids doing at a concert on a weeknight????

But I admit, that the tenny boppers were all very well mannered and didn't annoy us at all except to make me and my 30 year old boyfriend feel old. The concert was good too. We heard several new bands that played before Reel Big Fish. It's always nice to hear some new music especially since I haven't been to a concert since DMB at SF Gate Park in September 2004. I shouldn't be as tired as I am because we took BART home and were in bed by midnight. Gosh. I'm getting old. How did I ever survive through college when I was partying til 5am almost every night of the week, carrying 18 units, and working part-time??

How Does That Make You Feel??

Woo Hoo!! I have comments now! Before, I was just too lazy to go into blogger and edit my settings since I always use the 'blog this' tool to post. Yay for comments!

Someday ...

So I've been thinking a lot about my ideal wedding (when did I ever stop?). Dave really wants a destination wedding but I don't see that happening considering the health of my older family members and my divorced parents who can't even be in the same room as each other much less a tropical resort. If we weren't able to do the destination wedding, I (and Dave) would want something small, intimate, and budget friendly. Here's what I'm thinking:

Location: Shoreline Center or the Brazilian Room (both are outdoorsey and run by the regional park district so they are CHEAP!)
Number of Guests: 80 (small!)
Colors: I'd want pink and silver/white but I think Dave would like pale blue and sea green better.
Decorations: DIY flowers and candle centerpieces. The room and it's view wouldn't need a lot.
Food: Nothing super fancy. I'm thinking that I'd love to have a lunch time reception so that everyone could fully enjoy the beauty of the location in the daylight. The only must have is a chocolate fountain!
Cake: Simple. Safeway has these super cute cakes they've started making.
Music: No dancing since I REALLY can't imagine my family dancing at a wedding. I think it would be really neat to have a steel drums band playing as background music through out the reception. First dance (and the only dance) would be to something Bob Marley like One Love or Stir It Up.
After Party: I'd love to have a party trolley after the wedding as a post wedding celebration for our friends to get crazy and drunk at (especially since our friends love to get crazy and drunk!). Bar hopping and dancing through the streets of San Francisco.
Honeymoon: 2 weeks in Costa Rica

Unfortunately, I don't think that I'll be wedding planning any time soon. Dave and I had a detailed discussion on finances this weekend since Dave's trust fund became available to him on his 30th birthday. In the past I had always known about Dave's credit union savings account which has some money in it but not enough for an engagement ring. Well ... I found out this weekend that Dave has several accounts, CDs and mutual funds with money easily available in them. The boy has more then $20,000 saved! I'm really proud of him but at the same time I'm kind of bummed cuz him buying an engagement ring is no longer an issue of saving money as I had previously thought. Now it's just a waiting game for me to sit patiently until he becomes ready to marry me ;-/

Cuz I Want To

I stole this from Kathy. I like this game.

10 Years Ago ... I was 15 and had just finished my freshman year of high school. I was madly and hopelessly in love with a boy named Justin whom I had dated for 2 months but had recently broken up with me. Many years later I found out that he had a girlfriend the entire time we were dating (we went to different high schools). My biggest worries at this time were boys, the purple pick up that I wanted for my 16th birthday, braces, and how to talk on the phone late at night without my Dad catching me.

5 Years Ago ... I was 20 and dating the scum bag (ex)boyfriend that I hate. We had been dating a year and he had come to my parent's farm to work for the summer so that we could be together (we went to different colleges). I still lived with my parents and was pretty innocent.

1 Year Ago ... I had just broken up with Jay and was living with Scott and Steve whom I was having TONS of fun with. My life consisted of work, late night drinking, concerts and impromptu jam sessions at our house. My relationship with Nathan was pretty much over but I was still fooling around with Scott, kinda had the hots for one of Scott's bandmates, was starting to see Lee (the motocross rider), casually dating a coworker who worked in another office, and starting to talk to Dave via email about playing on his softball team. Whew! Too many boys!! Not sure how I kept them all straight! I also had a super cute body. I wish I had that body again ;-(

Yesterday ... Working then home to cook dinner for Dave.

Today ... Working, gym, then dinner with Dave's family to celebrate his birthday.

Tomorrrow ... Sleeping in!, yoga, mini-shopping spree at Ikea to pick up a few small items that Dave and I need for the apartment, and gardening. We'll also be hookah shopping since Dave wants a new hookah badly. Luckily, we live very close to Berkely and the Haight/Ashbury area where smoke shops are abundant and a plethora of hookahs can be found.