I've always had this problem with communication. There will be a problem with someone that I love and instead of talking about it, I'll hold everything inside until it eats at me and I'm left making drastic actions to solve the problem.
It started with my Mom who doesn't take criticism well and has a flare for drama. So anytime my Dad or I would say something negative towards her, she would fly off the handle and make you regret that you had said anything at all. After she gave us a long silent treatment and took several retaliation steps we were usually begging for her to forgive us and forget that anything was said at all.
Then my 1st real boyfriend was an a-hole so anytime I would try to discuss a relationship problem he would immediately turn the tables and blame the problem 100% on me. Or sometimes he would completely dismiss the problem as some stupid thought of mine that didn't deserve attention and he would ignore what I would say. If that wasn't possible then he would lock himself in his bedroom and pout until I begged for forgiveness. One time none of those worked and I continued to hold my ground cuz I was tired of his BS so he hit me. Our relationship didn't last much longer then that.
Jay didn't take criticism well either. I would bring up a problem and Jay would immediately begin to blame himself and cry in an effort to gain pity (my honest opinion). So nothing really got resolved cuz usually the attention was diverted from trying to solve the problem into trying to convince Jay to stop the pity party and act like an adult. I must admit that Jay and I had very few problems but the few problems we did have kept returning unresolved.
So I REALLY shouldn't lay the blame on everyone else but they certaintly haven't helped me feel like I can openly and honestly discuss what is on my mind.
And then came Dave. That boy is just so open and calm with me. I can tell him anything and he doesn't yell, scream, put me down, ignore me, or try to lay blame. He's just so gentle and willing to talk about everything that needs to be talked about until we reach a compromise or agreement. I can't believe it! I still have a hard time taking the 1st step and introducing the problem talk because it's been so ingrained in my head for the past 25 years that he'll react in a negative manner towards me. But I'm trying. Really really trying. I'm so lucky to have found Dave and to have him in my life. I'm still not sure how I got as lucky as I am ;-)
