Oh Dear

I've been having decidedly anti-baby feelings lately. I never thought I would be so flip flopity on a situation. One month I want kids and then next I'm like "oh, hells noe".

Do Kids Make You Happy? Answer: Not so Much

Also, ummmm ... No thank you

My honest theory is that marriage is like having babies. Before you get married people tell you that marriage is work but they never tell you exactly how much work it requires. I love my husband and all but marriage is hard, tedious, and often boring. I think people don't tell you this because then no one would ever get married. I don't think parents tell you how hard it is either because then no one would ever have kids and sometimes admitting that it sucks isn't always the most PC thing to do. Just my theories for this month. Next month look forward to me singing love songs about my husband and how wonderful he is as well as baby names I've recently picked out.

Oh Noes!

Something I actually did today:
Made a mental list of all the friends I know who have babies in the immediate area. Contemplated inviting one of the friends over just so that I can hold their baby and smell said baby's head. I've had an overwhelming urge the past few days to get a big nose full of fragrance eau babe.

Mmmmmm ... baby smell.

A Running List

Things I want to do before insemination of my ovaries occurs:

1. Gorge Camping Trip to see DMB - August 2008 (I talked to Dave about this last night and he is all lights go on the idea. We really want to go with a big group of friends so if anyone who reads my blog is planning on going email me. We will probably rent a hybrid and drive all the way up the Pacific coast. EEEE!!!!!)

2. 3rd Trip to an all inclusive resort in Mexico - January 2009 (maybe)

3. Trip to Europe (Switzerland and France) - Date TBD

4. Wine tasting trip to Napa/Sonoma for my 30th Bday - April 2010

5. Trip to the tiny coastal town where Dave and I had one of our first dates - April/May 2010

30 Days Til my Bday and All I Got was This:

Just Kidding! For some reason this year I have been in a very festive April Fools spirit. Usually, I forget that April 1 is even April Fools Day but this year I feel like being a prankster. Maybe I am regressing and slowly becoming the immature, bratty, drama filled 17 year old that I never was. Who knows.

Last night I did bring up to Dave the "Baby when I am 30" idea. I'm a big believer that one can never plan their life. Too many things happen to spoil even the best laid out plans. I could get pregnant tomorrow unexpectedly. We could have infertility issues. I could reach the age of 30 and freak out and decide to never become a mom. Dave could die. I could die. There is a saying that says "Man Plans, God Laughs" and I firmly believe that. Today is a gift and that is all I can be assured of.

So when I told Dave about the Baby When I am 30 idea, I meant it more as a heads up. Dave doesn't deal well with the whole spring something up on him and he also isn't spontaneous or impulsive (in fact he is the opposite of those two things). I wanted to plant the idea of me becoming pregnant when I turn 30 in his brain now so he can ponder and over-analyze it as is typical of him. Then in 2 years when it actually comes time for me to try and get pregnant it wont be a huge deal. He has two years to get used to the idea (and so do I. Eeek!).

Actually he responded to the whole idea much better then I thought he would have. Two years ago if I had brought this idea up I would have expected him to laugh nervously and then say he didn't want kids (even though during his softy moments he admits that he wants kids but is scared). Last night he still laughed a little nervously but asked why after I turned 30 and I told him it's because I want to be able to visit Napa Wine Country for my 30th birthday and drink it up. Many of Dave's friends are getting their significant others knocked up and I think Dave is seeing the idea of kids as something inevitable. I don't mean it to sound so harsh because I know we would both make awesome parents (we have money, are stable, intelligent, patient, and kind). It's just that for so long we've been on the fence about the baby making issue and sometimes thinking of it as inevitable helps to take away the power of our over-analyzing tendencies. Sometimes I envy those girls who have the "I was always meant to be a mom" mentalities. They never have to deal with this "should we or shouldn't we" see saw.

More then ever this makes me think of all the things I really want to do before having a baby: trip to Europe, camping trip to Gorge to see DMB or Pearl Jam, at least one more trip to Mexico, etc. I'm almost 28 and feel like I've had a lot of years to do the stuff I should want to do but in my head there are so many more things left to accomplish. I better get on it.

Typing This While Watching Baby Story

I've never been the type to glorify in the fact that one day that I could be a mother. I've talked to some girls and when they think of motherhood they think about cute babies, being called mama, naming them, going to the park, having everyone ooh and aah over their bellies, etc. When I think of motherhood I think of sleepless nights, puke, poopy diapers, toddler tantrums, teens who talk back, stretch marks, and losing my "me" time that I cherish so much. I always thought that someday that Mommy Urge would click in my head one day and I would be like "yes! it's all worth it!!! bring on the babies". Now that I am approaching 28, I am realizing that the Mommy Urge may never turn on for me. Which kinda sucks because I am not looking forward to being 30 and making that decision to shit or get off the pot. (30 has always been the age that I have told myself that either babies happen or don't).

Tomorrow I am throwing an afternoon baby shower for one of my best friends. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding (she got preggo on my wedding night!) and I am really excited for her and this baby that she has always wanted. Yesterday, I went to Babies R Us for the first time ever to pick out a baby gift for her. Holy Cow! If there was ever a place to get me excited about the possibility of having a baby, this was the place!!! So much cute baby stuff and I all of a sudden wanted to get it all.


Pack N Play. Adorable!


Cribs. Must have!


Jumper things. Awwww!!!


Strollers. Tres chic!

Not to even mention all the really adorable baby clothes. That was just the icing on the cake.

More then ever I realized as I walked through Babies R Us, babies are expensive! I could have easily purchased $500 worth of stuff for my friend. (In the end my purchases totalled $200). The last reason to have a kid is just to be able to buy all the stuff but maybe this means that I am one step closer to finally catching Baby Lust.

Random-ness Blurb Style

I've finished Harry Potter and just as I expected, I'm extremely sad to have completed the books. I can't express through words how awesome I thought the Harry Potter world and characters were. Next, I'm gonna watch the movies (I've only seen the first) and hope that they draw me out of this funk. Who knew that I would get so addicted to a set of children's books !?!
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Dave and I have found 2 new guilty pleasures: The Hills on MTV and Ben & Jerry's Creme Brulee ice cream. Both are yummy.
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Secret Revelation Time: For the past year I've suddenly developed the desire to have a baby. Not just any baby but a baby girl. Luckily, my baby lust hasn't gone into overdrive and I'm not in the mood to pop one out any time soon. My long-term plan is to become pregnant sometime after my 30th birthday (2.5 years from now). In my dream world I would have a little girl and she would be a very well privileged only child. We would take family vacations to exotic locations (my form of exotic is Mexico or Hawaii) and she would attend a nice private school as well as be able to speak Spanish fluently. Up until a few weeks I had wanted to name her Ava (a nice old school name but different) until I found out that Ava was the #5 popular girls name in 2006. Who knew that today's parents had such great taste in names? Now my dream name (since I have nothing better to do then name my unborn fictitious child) is to name her Kahlil (after the poet) and use the nickname Lily if it suits her. Unfortunately, I know that my conservative husband would never allow such a funky name so I don't feel bad announcing what I think is the cutest name ever.