I Married a Prepubescent Male

Growing up I had a younger brother who would throw a tantrum at the slightest provocation. If you cooked him scrambled eggs and they turned out slightly brown instead of perfectly yellow and fluffy he would scream. If you didn't let him ride in the front seat of the car he would begin crying. If you tried to get him to do his fair share of the chores (or any chores at all) he would stomp around the house in a very foul mood. My mom often coddled and babied him anytime his temper brewed. Partly because she was a big fan of the boys in our family and didn't understand girls, makeup, or anything frilly. She would have been very happy if I had turned out to be a tom boy but unfortunately for her I actually like to wear skirts and enjoy owning more then two pairs of shoes. The other reason is that it was just easier to baby my brother before he threw a fit then it was to do the fair thing and then have to endure a titanic size tantrum. Even though he was still throwing fits about his eggs when I moved out of the house at the age of 21.

Needless to say these days I have a short fuse for anyone who acts like a baby over trivial matters. The weekend didn't start out well when I scheduled a 9:30 am appointment at the tax man on a day that happened to be David's day off (Good Friday holiday). For a day he pouted and exhaled loudly until I finally asked him what was wrong and like a sullen teenager he told me that ummm ... Hello! He was like totally going to use his day off to drive out to the woods and shoot his rifle for fun. Like didn't I know that a trip to the tax man was going to totally ruin his day and his weekend for the matter. And then at that point he gave a big loud sigh, put his hands on his hips, and rolled his eyes.

This week has been exceptionally busy for me as I try to balance work, french class, gym time each afternoon, and meeting with multiple kitchen contractors. For Dave it's easier as he works from home and can just step away from his desk to meet with a contractor while I have to drive home, meet, and then drive back to work. I was having a hard time fitting all these appointments in my hectic work schedule and it just so happened that Friday was the only day that worked for a tax man appointment.

Then Dave threw a fit when one evening I laid on the couch and read my book while he grilled steaks. After dinner I asked him to take a few plates to the kitchen and once again Dave became a rebellious teenager and huffed and puffed about how I was expecting him to cook and do the dishes! Gasp! What a cruel and unjust wife I was. I guess he had forgotten that 4 out of 5 nights I cook and usually do the dishes as well as clean the house and do the laundry. We have a gardener for outside and Dave doesn't excel at home improvement projects so his weekly chores consist of defending our family honor on playstation 3 games as well as keeping up to date with as much NASCAR, golf, and basketball games as possible. I'd hate to see how the poor guy would adjust if we ever decided to have kids. It might actually require him to cut back from 8 hours a day of selfish "him" time to 3 or 4. Unjust, cruel world.

It culminated this weekend when in between preparing a classic Easter dinner I took 5 minutes to try and cuddle with him on the couch. The teenager reared it's ugly head and gosh why can't I go in the other room and watch tv cuz he was like soooooooo busy switching channels on this tv and didn't I know that he didn't want to cuddle. And why do we always have to do things that I want to do and never things that he wants to do. Like ever! It's always things that I want to do and they suck like cuddling. It all really sucks and why do I want to do something so sucky???

At this point my head exploded from all the baby nonsense that was spewing forth from his mouth. I knew Dave was stressed out from work and a few family issues (his not mine) and men (especially mine) never deal well with stress and emotions. I could have coddled him and let it all blow over and agreed with him that the cuddling was really over the line and I am so sorry that I make his life so unfair. But at that point I wasn't in the mood for coddling so I pretty much verbally let him have it.

Now after an evening of not talking to each other he still hasn't tried to say he is sorry to me which really bothers me since he is usually good about the saying sorry thing. And we rarely fight so any fight (no matter how small or inconsequential) leaves me bothered and wishing it was over. As of this morning he still hadn't said he was sorry although he was speaking to me in a very nice manner. When we fight and don't make up right away I am always tempted to stay home from work the next day and barricade myself in the bedroom while I watch sappy lifetime movies. Watching a woman get cheated on by her best friend's sister who also has cancer always makes me feel better in some odd way. Unfortunately, it has been 85 and ultra-sunny here lately so I knew when I woke up this morning that staying in bed all day wouldn't work out. When the sun is shinning and the birds are chirping it is almost impossible to indulge your inner drama queen. C'est la vie.

Keeping It Real

Things your Mom didn't tell you (but really should have):
* Your first love will most likely grow up to be a total loser. In high school he was probably the shit but as we all know that the requirements for being cool in grades 9-12 are not often the qualities that enable someone to make it in the real world. There are very few exceptions to the rule.
* Giving birth is nasty messy (think blood and poop TOGETHER). Not that I know this first hand but I've read enough blogs to know this is true.
* Breast feeding is really hard. Again not something I know first hand but I've watched enough TLC Baby Story to know this is true.
* Making dinner every night, night after night SUCKS. Luckily we have enough room in the budget for me to become a whiny baby every week (or more) but if not then I would be moaning all the time about cooking (and I like cooking).

Most importantly, the one thing your mom didn't tell you but probably should have: Marriage. Is. Hard.

Now I'm not saying that Dave and I are having issues. In fact we're just as happy as we've always been for the most part. As we all know every relationship has it's highs and lows. There is nothing to be ashamed of in that. Sometimes the highs (like in the beginning) are enough to keep a smile on your face all day and sometimes the lows are enough to make you lock the office door while you frantically call your best friends to dissect his a-hole tendencies. Other times the highs are great and the lows are sad but are less like mountains and more like rolling hills.

The hardest part of marriage (for me at least): THIS IS FOREVER. You know that annoying way he starts projects but doesn't finish them? FOREVER. How he can kinda be selfish in bed sometimes? FOREVER. How he conveniently sucks at doing the dishes? FOREVER. Yep, all minor things but mind-numbing when I'm experiencing them and thinking to myself "yay! only 40 more years of nagging him to re-attach the fire detector after taking it down to paint 6 MONTHS AGO".

Really I should be thankful. I've found someone who loves me just as much as I love him. Someone who is good with his money, honest, loving, hard working, successful, and rubs my back each night. Someone who is tall, blue-eyed, athletic, and and makes me laugh. Still for the rest of my life I will be turning on the AC behind his back and then turning it off as the house finally reaches a pleasant temp because his eyes are bulging out of his head at the anticipation of the e-bill being higher then $30. Oh joy.

In other news, I want this car. Way out of my price league but still a girl can dream.
Lexus SC 08 Hard Top Convertible