Dream #1 - It was 8:30pm, Dave and I were laying in bed. Dave announces that he needs to go to several stores to get some shopping done. I get upset cuz I don't understand why he didn't do the shopping earlier in the evening or why he can't wait until the weekend. Dave invites me to go shopping with him so I do.
We're driving up 680 and we start to see houses falling down the hillsides. We turn on the radio and hear a newscast saying that due to high temps and then sudden rainstorms the shrink/swell soil is refusing to absorb any water and therefore landslides and flooding are occurring. All of a sudden we turn a corner on the freeway and we're caught up in a flooded area. We get out of the car, Dave takes my hand, and we wade through the water to safety. We're wet and cold but I'm very thankful that I decided to go shopping with Dave cuz otherwise he would have been caught up in the storm by himself.
We walk for sometime until we reach a rescue center that is filled with other people. Dave and I go to the top floor where we see a coworker of mine (J). She wasn't in the flood but she's there anyways. Another coworker of ours (G) had died in the flood (we randomly saw him on the freeway in another car alongside us). I go to tell J that G died and she becomes really upset but refuses to let me hug her or comfort her. My feelings are hurt and I wake up.
Dream #2 - Dave's family and I are camping in he woods. Somehow my mom finds out where we are and comes to the campsite. My mom tries to make friends with everyone and is super fake. I tell her to leave cuz I don't want her there and I don't want people thinking she's a nice person cuz she's not. She leaves but then calls Dave's mom with some type of fake drama. Dave's mom falls for it and goes to 'rescue' my mom (my mom's car had stalled or something like that). I get upset cuz I don't want Dave's mom to fall into my mom's trap but Dave's mom ignores my pleas and goes off anyways. I'm really upset and I repeatedly try to call Dave's mom to try and convince her to come home. Each time she ignores my pleas and I become hysterically upset that Dave's mom is choosing my mom over me. I wake up again.
Dream #3 - Can't remember right now. Maybe I will later.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Dear Ex-BF
For the first time in a long time I wanted to call you yesterday. I wanted to hear what was going on in your life. I wanted to laugh at your stupid jokes like I used to do when we were together. I wanted to hear what you had planned for the holidays. I wanted to find out if there were any new ladies in your life.
But I didn't call you since you've made it so clear that you have no desire to be friends. It makes me so angry because I really don't know what I did to you to make you so hostile. I didn't cheat on you. I didn't steal money from you. I didn't promise you my future.
This summer I gave you a call in hopes that a year of being apart would have helped you heal and that you would be willing to treat me in a friendly manner. Unfortunately that wasn't true. It really makes me wonder if you ever cared for ME?? Did you ever care for my family? Did you ever care for my friends? Because if you cared for me or my friends/family in any way then you'd WANT to know what we're up to these days. You'd want to know if we're healthy and happy. Or maybe you're just THAT selfish and childish. All you can see is you and your pain.
Sometimes I feel like shaking you until you realize that people break up everyday. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because it really isn't the end of the world. I've never told you this because I know that it would just cause you more pain but I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I'm more in love with Dave then I ever though it was possible for two human beings to be in love with each other. It sounds so corny but Dave makes me a better person. I didn't like the person I was when I was with you. I really hope that someday you're able to move on and find a woman that will make you a better person and who will be as in love with you as I am with Dave.
I stopped reading your blog a few months ago because I realize that you don't want me to be a part of your life anymore. I'm not going to call you ever again even on the day that I become engaged. And I'm not going to send you any emails. I may not like that we're not friends but I have to respect your decision.
Have a nice life.
But I didn't call you since you've made it so clear that you have no desire to be friends. It makes me so angry because I really don't know what I did to you to make you so hostile. I didn't cheat on you. I didn't steal money from you. I didn't promise you my future.
This summer I gave you a call in hopes that a year of being apart would have helped you heal and that you would be willing to treat me in a friendly manner. Unfortunately that wasn't true. It really makes me wonder if you ever cared for ME?? Did you ever care for my family? Did you ever care for my friends? Because if you cared for me or my friends/family in any way then you'd WANT to know what we're up to these days. You'd want to know if we're healthy and happy. Or maybe you're just THAT selfish and childish. All you can see is you and your pain.
Sometimes I feel like shaking you until you realize that people break up everyday. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because it really isn't the end of the world. I've never told you this because I know that it would just cause you more pain but I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I'm more in love with Dave then I ever though it was possible for two human beings to be in love with each other. It sounds so corny but Dave makes me a better person. I didn't like the person I was when I was with you. I really hope that someday you're able to move on and find a woman that will make you a better person and who will be as in love with you as I am with Dave.
I stopped reading your blog a few months ago because I realize that you don't want me to be a part of your life anymore. I'm not going to call you ever again even on the day that I become engaged. And I'm not going to send you any emails. I may not like that we're not friends but I have to respect your decision.
Have a nice life.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Uphill Battle
I didn't know it was possible, but this weekend has made me feel 10x closer to Dave then I was before. No special reason. He didn't do anything fantastic, tell me something romantic, or buy me any new things. Most of the holiday weekend we spent being lazy and everytime I looked at him I thought that my heart was going to goosh out with love cuz it's so full. I really can't descibe this wonderful feeling. I'm so in love with that boy! ;-D
In other less wonderful news, I joined ediets today. Ughhhh... I just haven't been able to lose weight and it's really starting to frustrate me. I exercise 5-6 times per week and eat healthier then most. I've lost 45 pounds TWICE before so I know that I can do it.
I'm hoping that ediets gives me the lil extra motivation I need to start losing weight. The program is only $2.99 per week and gives me a very detailed and flexible daily eating plan plus on on-line support system. The eating plan is almost too flexible cuz I spent several hours today being picky about what I was going to eat each day for the next week. I could have spent several more hours looking at all the choices! We'll see how this works out since it's going to change my current eating habits/patterns (and Dave's habits too). Tomorrow is my 1st day. Hopefully I'm able to lose 15-20 pounds by next March when Dave and I go to Cabo!
In other less wonderful news, I joined ediets today. Ughhhh... I just haven't been able to lose weight and it's really starting to frustrate me. I exercise 5-6 times per week and eat healthier then most. I've lost 45 pounds TWICE before so I know that I can do it.
I'm hoping that ediets gives me the lil extra motivation I need to start losing weight. The program is only $2.99 per week and gives me a very detailed and flexible daily eating plan plus on on-line support system. The eating plan is almost too flexible cuz I spent several hours today being picky about what I was going to eat each day for the next week. I could have spent several more hours looking at all the choices! We'll see how this works out since it's going to change my current eating habits/patterns (and Dave's habits too). Tomorrow is my 1st day. Hopefully I'm able to lose 15-20 pounds by next March when Dave and I go to Cabo!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Life Lessons
NEVER drink heavily when your flight home departs at 8am the next morning. I thought I was going to die on the plane. Worst hangover EVER but totally worth it since I had a fantastic time with my sorority sister, Terry Ann, who recently moved to CO. If I could I would go back and replay that night a few times, I would. SOO much fun.
I think I've fallen a lil bit in love with Denver and it's chilly weather. *GASP* Who knew that I could love the cold???? It was so much fun to grab the big coat everytime I wanted to go outside. I really enjoyed sitting in my hotel room and watching the snow fall outside. I got back home to the 75 degree weather and couldn't help but miss the chily weather that made me feel so festive.
PS I might have a different tune to sing after multiple winters in the snow. But a week was nice!
I think I've fallen a lil bit in love with Denver and it's chilly weather. *GASP* Who knew that I could love the cold???? It was so much fun to grab the big coat everytime I wanted to go outside. I really enjoyed sitting in my hotel room and watching the snow fall outside. I got back home to the 75 degree weather and couldn't help but miss the chily weather that made me feel so festive.
PS I might have a different tune to sing after multiple winters in the snow. But a week was nice!
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Hi!
I'm in Denver for the week. It snowed yesterday! Snowed! I'm so cold and I didn't prepare myself for how freezing I would be in the tundra. When I flew in yesterday it was 75 and sunny at home so I wore flip flops, yoga pants, and a tank on the plane. I get to Denver and my toes almost fall off from frost bite while I was waiting for the hotel shuttle. I'm an idiot.
In other news, I watched Sideways and Fever Pitch last weekend. Sideways was so much more interesting that I ever thought it would be. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes wine or wants to see gorgeous views of Cali. Fever Pitch was good too but it was a much simpler, cuter romantic comedy that made my heart all moist ;-)
In other news, I watched Sideways and Fever Pitch last weekend. Sideways was so much more interesting that I ever thought it would be. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes wine or wants to see gorgeous views of Cali. Fever Pitch was good too but it was a much simpler, cuter romantic comedy that made my heart all moist ;-)
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
My Boyfriend's Halloween Costume
For Halloween, Dave and his coworkers were hooked up with costumes from one of his vendors. Can you guess which one is my boyfriend?
WBW: The Great Outdoors
Today Mama Duck's theme for Way Back Wednesday is 'the great outdoors'. Dave and I had only been dating a week when he came up with the idea of taking a few days off work and going camping up the NorCal coast. I think I instantly fell in love with him at the moment. Who can resist a romantic and spontaneous guy???
Our 1st vacation was short (2 days/1 night) but filled with lots of laughs and LOTS of sex. Damn. I miss all the sex we used to have ;-(
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Way Back Wednesday!
Today's Way Back Wednesday theme is pretty much 'whatever the hell you want the theme to be'. So I've decided to go with "Where I Live". I absolutely LOVE the Bay Area. Great weather, plentiful shopping, awesome cultures, and gorgeous scenery. If I had my choice I would live here the rest of my life but unfortunately home prices are so high that I don't think that will happen. (1 bedroom condos go for $650,000 not including the $500 per month HOA fees. outrageous)
Pic #1: The Bay Area hills that surround us. Most of the hills in my area are owned by a regional park district which means they'll never be developed. WOO!
Pic#2: My apartment complex. I can't imagine living in a more beautiful location. The lakes are serene, the wildlife is bountiful, and everything is just so green. Our own little oasis.
Pic #1: The Bay Area hills that surround us. Most of the hills in my area are owned by a regional park district which means they'll never be developed. WOO!
Pic#2: My apartment complex. I can't imagine living in a more beautiful location. The lakes are serene, the wildlife is bountiful, and everything is just so green. Our own little oasis.
Polly Pissy Pants
6pm - Phone Call
Me: Hello
D: I'm on my way home. I'll be there in an hour.
Me: An hour? You only work 5 miles from where we live. Why is it gonna take you an hour to get home?
D: It just is.
Me: Ummm ... ok. Are you going to stop anywhere on your way home? (Dave is usually not an asshole so I'm super confused as to why he's being all short and moody with me on the phone)
D: I'm walking home.
Me: You're walking home??? Why?
D: I had a bad day at work. My car is getting smoged and my meeting got out late so there was no one at work to drive me to the auto shop and pick up the car. The auto shop is now closed so I have no car and I'm walking home.
Me: Let me pick you up! Where are you?
D: No. I'm walking home.
Me: I'll just drive to wherever you are and pick you up. Where are you?
D: No. I'm walking home.
Me: You can't walk all the way home. You're wearing a suit, tie, and dress shoes. Your feet will hurt by the time you get home.
D: No. I'm walking home.
Me: That's it. I'm coming to get you. Stay were you're at cuz I'm coming to get you and you have no choice about it.
D: *hangs up phone*
*sigh* You know what's weird? Dave and his moody little asshole antics last night made me love him even more then I did before. I'm not sure why but it did. I wasn't angry. I wasn't mad. I was just so happy to pick him up on the street corner and tell him that I loved him.
NOTE: Dave is really usually not an unreasonable asshole and I'm very lucky for that. Believe me, I've dated a few assholes in my past and it wasn't an enjoyable relationship. Also, note that Dave's attitude improved after I picked him up.
Me: Hello
D: I'm on my way home. I'll be there in an hour.
Me: An hour? You only work 5 miles from where we live. Why is it gonna take you an hour to get home?
D: It just is.
Me: Ummm ... ok. Are you going to stop anywhere on your way home? (Dave is usually not an asshole so I'm super confused as to why he's being all short and moody with me on the phone)
D: I'm walking home.
Me: You're walking home??? Why?
D: I had a bad day at work. My car is getting smoged and my meeting got out late so there was no one at work to drive me to the auto shop and pick up the car. The auto shop is now closed so I have no car and I'm walking home.
Me: Let me pick you up! Where are you?
D: No. I'm walking home.
Me: I'll just drive to wherever you are and pick you up. Where are you?
D: No. I'm walking home.
Me: You can't walk all the way home. You're wearing a suit, tie, and dress shoes. Your feet will hurt by the time you get home.
D: No. I'm walking home.
Me: That's it. I'm coming to get you. Stay were you're at cuz I'm coming to get you and you have no choice about it.
D: *hangs up phone*
*sigh* You know what's weird? Dave and his moody little asshole antics last night made me love him even more then I did before. I'm not sure why but it did. I wasn't angry. I wasn't mad. I was just so happy to pick him up on the street corner and tell him that I loved him.
NOTE: Dave is really usually not an unreasonable asshole and I'm very lucky for that. Believe me, I've dated a few assholes in my past and it wasn't an enjoyable relationship. Also, note that Dave's attitude improved after I picked him up.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Happy November!
For some reason, I'm really excited that it's November. I'm not really sure why but maybe it's cuz the holidays are coming soon. Hmmm ....
I was a very good girl last night and didn't badger Dave at all last night. I think that I can get over this and finally learn to be a patient girlfriend. I really don't have any other choice. *sigh*
Someone mentioned in yesterday's comments, that maybe if I shut my mouth up then Dave would be more willing to propose faster. Been there, tried that. Up until last week, I've been very good at not bringing the whole marriage/engagement subject up. Except for a few occasions, I only talked about it if Dave began talks. Surprisingly, Dave talks about it a lot more then I expected (a very good thing I guess). If I was bursting at the seems and wanted to talk about anything wedding related then I came to my blog.
So I think that's part of what upset me so much last weekend when Dave told me his timeline of next year sometime. I was keeping my mouth shut and was expecting a proposal soon. *sigh* Well when I found out that it wasn't going to happen I let Dave know that I was hoping for sooner and I jokingly tried to negotiate for a more immediate time frame. I didn't nag him about my intense desire to get married asap instead I just was super moody about everything else the rest of the weekend. *sigh* Not the best thing to do but I think it was better then beating him over the head with a bridal book.
I was a very good girl last night and didn't badger Dave at all last night. I think that I can get over this and finally learn to be a patient girlfriend. I really don't have any other choice. *sigh*
Someone mentioned in yesterday's comments, that maybe if I shut my mouth up then Dave would be more willing to propose faster. Been there, tried that. Up until last week, I've been very good at not bringing the whole marriage/engagement subject up. Except for a few occasions, I only talked about it if Dave began talks. Surprisingly, Dave talks about it a lot more then I expected (a very good thing I guess). If I was bursting at the seems and wanted to talk about anything wedding related then I came to my blog.
So I think that's part of what upset me so much last weekend when Dave told me his timeline of next year sometime. I was keeping my mouth shut and was expecting a proposal soon. *sigh* Well when I found out that it wasn't going to happen I let Dave know that I was hoping for sooner and I jokingly tried to negotiate for a more immediate time frame. I didn't nag him about my intense desire to get married asap instead I just was super moody about everything else the rest of the weekend. *sigh* Not the best thing to do but I think it was better then beating him over the head with a bridal book.
Monday, October 31, 2005
I Wanted to Kick Him in the Balls
I was a major brat this weekend. My moody attitude prevailed as I tried repeatedly to pick fights when there were no fights to pick. I know, I know, I know. I'm handling this all wrong. I should just be happy that I have Dave in my life. How many people out there are looking for someone to love and I've been lucky enough to find someone that is SOOO damn perfect for me! I even keep asking myself why getting engaged is so damn important to me right now. Answer: I have no damn clue. I just want to be engaged. RIGHT NOW!!
Seriously, poor Dave took my bitchiness like the wonder-boyfriend that he is. Dave was comforting when I needed to be comforted, loving when I needed to be loved, and sweet when I needed to be reminded that he loves me and wants to get married to me someday. Just not tomorrow like I would prefer. *sigh* I'm promising myself that I WILL get over this. I WILL stop being a brat. I WILL start thinking rationally and stop nagging David. *SIGH* (easier said then done)
In other news, Dave's Mom and I went to a Casual Cocktail Party Planning Class offered by Viking Home Chef. The hands-on cooking class was a birthday gift to Dave's Mom from Dave and me. Dave's Mom is Mrs. Dinner-party-every-night-of-the-week-for-assorted-groups-of-friends so we knew that this class would be perfect for her and a great chance to have some bonding time with just me and her.
Let me start out by saying that I had high expectations for this class but I was blown away by how much fun we had, how hands-on everything really was, how practical the recipes we cooked were, and how cheap the class was for all the food and alcohol we consumed ($89/pp). Everything about the class was excellent! If they have a Viking Home Chef School near you, I highly recommend that you try out one of their classes.
Seriously, poor Dave took my bitchiness like the wonder-boyfriend that he is. Dave was comforting when I needed to be comforted, loving when I needed to be loved, and sweet when I needed to be reminded that he loves me and wants to get married to me someday. Just not tomorrow like I would prefer. *sigh* I'm promising myself that I WILL get over this. I WILL stop being a brat. I WILL start thinking rationally and stop nagging David. *SIGH* (easier said then done)
In other news, Dave's Mom and I went to a Casual Cocktail Party Planning Class offered by Viking Home Chef. The hands-on cooking class was a birthday gift to Dave's Mom from Dave and me. Dave's Mom is Mrs. Dinner-party-every-night-of-the-week-for-assorted-groups-of-friends so we knew that this class would be perfect for her and a great chance to have some bonding time with just me and her.
Let me start out by saying that I had high expectations for this class but I was blown away by how much fun we had, how hands-on everything really was, how practical the recipes we cooked were, and how cheap the class was for all the food and alcohol we consumed ($89/pp). Everything about the class was excellent! If they have a Viking Home Chef School near you, I highly recommend that you try out one of their classes.
Friday, October 28, 2005
Sometime Next Year ...
*SIGH*
I was really looking forward to getting engaged much sooner then that but Dave says his timeline is 'sometime next year'. Who knows what that means. 2 months from now? 6 months from now? 10 months from now? 14 months from now??? He's seen so many of his friends get married then divorced so he wants to make sure that we wont do the same thing. *pout* I'm being a BIG baby about the whole thing but I want to get engaged now ;-( Will it ever be my turn?
Update: We talked about it some more and he says that it'll happen sometime 4-6 months from now, after our trip to Cabo in March. *sigh* I'm okay with that. (Do I have any other choice but to be okay with that?) I'll just have to learn to be patient. Don't worry I've nagged him on the topic more then I preferred but I've been relatively good and taken most of my frustration out on this blog. I know that whining is gonna get me no where!
While we were talking about engagement, I told him about a few rules I wanted. Rule #1 is that he has to ask me before he's allowed to tell anyone in his family or my family. I don't want to be the last to know. Rule #2 is that he's not allowed to ask while we are on vacation in Cabo. My good friend Jayme got engaged in Cabo and I'd feel like a bit of a copycat. Plus, I'd hate to stress while on vacation about whether it'll be happening or not.
PS. At least I have a timeline now! (trying to focus on the positive!)
I was really looking forward to getting engaged much sooner then that but Dave says his timeline is 'sometime next year'. Who knows what that means. 2 months from now? 6 months from now? 10 months from now? 14 months from now??? He's seen so many of his friends get married then divorced so he wants to make sure that we wont do the same thing. *pout* I'm being a BIG baby about the whole thing but I want to get engaged now ;-( Will it ever be my turn?
Update: We talked about it some more and he says that it'll happen sometime 4-6 months from now, after our trip to Cabo in March. *sigh* I'm okay with that. (Do I have any other choice but to be okay with that?) I'll just have to learn to be patient. Don't worry I've nagged him on the topic more then I preferred but I've been relatively good and taken most of my frustration out on this blog. I know that whining is gonna get me no where!
While we were talking about engagement, I told him about a few rules I wanted. Rule #1 is that he has to ask me before he's allowed to tell anyone in his family or my family. I don't want to be the last to know. Rule #2 is that he's not allowed to ask while we are on vacation in Cabo. My good friend Jayme got engaged in Cabo and I'd feel like a bit of a copycat. Plus, I'd hate to stress while on vacation about whether it'll be happening or not.
PS. At least I have a timeline now! (trying to focus on the positive!)
Thursday, October 27, 2005
RIP Cammie the Camaro
Yesterday, I bit the bullet, went to the local Ford Dealership, traded in my very cool convertible, and bought a much more economical and practical Ford Focus. *sigh* Being a grown up sucks.
I'm actually not as upset as I thought I would be. The 2006 Focus is actually a very cool little car. Great gas mileage (32 mpg), nice get up and go, and cute interior. Plus, each month the Focus will be saving me $150 on car payments, $50 on insurance, and who knows how much I'll be saving on gas.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Way Back Wednesday
This week's theme: Halloween Costumes from your past!
I so need to get the scanner set up. No excuses, Dave and I are just lazy. The only costumes I remember from when I was little are of being a witch (and I think I was that for a few years in a row cuz my Mom hated to take me costume shopping). Then another year I was a pumpkin (itchy costume, hated it). Then another year I begged my Mom to make this crayon costume for me. I looked kinda like this but not as cute cuz my Mom isn't very crafty.
In high school I didn't dress up except for my Senior year when my friends and I got all dressed up and then went around to all of our ex-bf's houses/cars and egged them ;-D I was a clown, complete with makeup and a wig. My friends were a devil, a chicken, and a witch (I think?).
In college, my sorority sisters and I dressed up as an 80's rock band one year then we all went to a fraternity party. At my college it was tradition for all the girls in the sorority to dress as a common theme. So all the girls of Delta Gamma were Play Boy Bunnies and all the girls of Kappa were 80's prom queens, etc.
Last year, Dave and I dressed up and went to Castro District in San Francisco (Gay Mecca) for Halloween with some friends. A lot of crazy fun and a lot of people. Dave's not in the pic but he was a white-trash mechanic, I was a wet t-shirt contest winner, Britney was Marilyn Monroe, and Scott was an angry tomato. Good times!!!
I so need to get the scanner set up. No excuses, Dave and I are just lazy. The only costumes I remember from when I was little are of being a witch (and I think I was that for a few years in a row cuz my Mom hated to take me costume shopping). Then another year I was a pumpkin (itchy costume, hated it). Then another year I begged my Mom to make this crayon costume for me. I looked kinda like this but not as cute cuz my Mom isn't very crafty.
In high school I didn't dress up except for my Senior year when my friends and I got all dressed up and then went around to all of our ex-bf's houses/cars and egged them ;-D I was a clown, complete with makeup and a wig. My friends were a devil, a chicken, and a witch (I think?).
In college, my sorority sisters and I dressed up as an 80's rock band one year then we all went to a fraternity party. At my college it was tradition for all the girls in the sorority to dress as a common theme. So all the girls of Delta Gamma were Play Boy Bunnies and all the girls of Kappa were 80's prom queens, etc.
Last year, Dave and I dressed up and went to Castro District in San Francisco (Gay Mecca) for Halloween with some friends. A lot of crazy fun and a lot of people. Dave's not in the pic but he was a white-trash mechanic, I was a wet t-shirt contest winner, Britney was Marilyn Monroe, and Scott was an angry tomato. Good times!!!
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
I Have Anal Glaucoma
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
First of all, thank you to everyone who emailed me with their comments on Friday's blog topic. You all are so incredibly sweet and caring. I feel loved ;-) Looking back on it I should have never turned off comments since many of you emailed me anyway and all of your comments gave me clarity over the whole situation. Dave brought up the subject again on Friday night and after talking about it more with him, I realize that I just need to be patient. I have a tendency to want to plan out everything. Tonight's dinner, next week's cocktail party, my future wedding, children's bedrooms, etc. You get the idea. If it's plan-able then I want to think about it, dream about it, and make a rough draft plan. I need to learn to sit back, relax, and enjoy what life brings me.
Saturday, Dave and I went into the city for a friend's 30th birthday party. Before we went to the party, we ate dinner at a Brazilian/Italian fusion restaurant called Mangarosa Bar. YUMMY!!!! The Caiprihinia's were excellent, the Brazillian Steak Rechaud was perfectly flavored and fun since we got to finish cooking it at our table and the yucca fries were delicious. If you're ever in San Francisco and want to try out a fun (and decently priced) restaurant in North Beach then I definitely recommend Mangarosa.
On Sunday, Dave and I went to an Oakland Raider's football game. Holy cow. The Raider fans take scary to a whole new level. Even though Dave and I were there in our silver and black to cheer for the Raiders, I was still scared of my fellow fans and their love of the team. I felt like at any moment we could have gotten beaten up for looking the wrong way at a fan and his costume (I can't believe how many people get dressed up!). Now I know why so many other teams and their fans are afraid of the Raider Nation! The game was great (we won) and our seats were excellent thanks to a friend who gave us free tickets. Wooo!
On Monday, I stayed home because I have unused vacation time at work that needs to be used before the year's end. I thought it would be a nice relaxing day to watch chick flicks and curl up on the couch with a good book. Instead I spent the day deep-cleaning the apartment and running errands. Exciting stuff.
"What's the matter?" he asks
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
First of all, thank you to everyone who emailed me with their comments on Friday's blog topic. You all are so incredibly sweet and caring. I feel loved ;-) Looking back on it I should have never turned off comments since many of you emailed me anyway and all of your comments gave me clarity over the whole situation. Dave brought up the subject again on Friday night and after talking about it more with him, I realize that I just need to be patient. I have a tendency to want to plan out everything. Tonight's dinner, next week's cocktail party, my future wedding, children's bedrooms, etc. You get the idea. If it's plan-able then I want to think about it, dream about it, and make a rough draft plan. I need to learn to sit back, relax, and enjoy what life brings me.
Saturday, Dave and I went into the city for a friend's 30th birthday party. Before we went to the party, we ate dinner at a Brazilian/Italian fusion restaurant called Mangarosa Bar. YUMMY!!!! The Caiprihinia's were excellent, the Brazillian Steak Rechaud was perfectly flavored and fun since we got to finish cooking it at our table and the yucca fries were delicious. If you're ever in San Francisco and want to try out a fun (and decently priced) restaurant in North Beach then I definitely recommend Mangarosa.
On Sunday, Dave and I went to an Oakland Raider's football game. Holy cow. The Raider fans take scary to a whole new level. Even though Dave and I were there in our silver and black to cheer for the Raiders, I was still scared of my fellow fans and their love of the team. I felt like at any moment we could have gotten beaten up for looking the wrong way at a fan and his costume (I can't believe how many people get dressed up!). Now I know why so many other teams and their fans are afraid of the Raider Nation! The game was great (we won) and our seats were excellent thanks to a friend who gave us free tickets. Wooo!
On Monday, I stayed home because I have unused vacation time at work that needs to be used before the year's end. I thought it would be a nice relaxing day to watch chick flicks and curl up on the couch with a good book. Instead I spent the day deep-cleaning the apartment and running errands. Exciting stuff.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Broken Hearts and Dreams
About 2 months ago, Dave and I had a serious discussion about kids. We both agreed at this point in time we're very happy with the lifestyle we lead. No sleepless nights, no poopy diapers, no babysitters, no toddlers throwing fits, no drooling babies, NO responsibility. We both agreed that at this point in time none of the above is remotely appealing to either one of us and quite frankly might NEVER be appealing to either of us. I love dreaming up baby names but honestly I love my career and I don't think I'd ever be willing to give up my career to raise a child. Not to mention I'm not looking forward to wrecking havoc on my body with pregnancy, I wouldn't enjoy not having time to read my books or visit the gym, and I most certainly wouldn't enjoy dealing with a toddler and their unreasonable minds. I'm just not the type of girl who has ever gotten the deep desire to become impregnated and birth little spawns. Maybe someday I will?
And it's that 'maybe someday I will' thought that has been invading my mind lately. Maybe someday my eyes will mist at the thought of seeing my belly swell. Maybe someday I'll want to hold a slimy, bloody baby in my arms. Maybe someday I'll blog about my kid and it's bowel movements and be the happiest mom to ever blog. Who knows?
What I do know is that the idea that someday I might want to have a baby and Dave might not has me questioning everything. As I told Dave the other day, I can't imagine myself ever wanting a kid but I also can't imagine myself ever not having kids. Should Dave and I even be talking about marriage if this might be an issue someday? A very BIG issue.
I feel like I'm in between a rock and a hard spot. Do I want Dave? Or do I want a family? I can't imagine my life without Dave. I've been in other long term relationships and I've never found anyone who has made me fall so completely head over heels. Someone who makes me so happy. On the flip side, I can't imagine myself 90 with no kids, no grandkids, no one to take care of me. No one to watch me die. I can't imagine never knowing what it feels like to be nine months pregnant. Not ever knowing what it feels like to give birth. Not ever knowing what it feels like to love something that came from me.
*sigh* What to do? What to do? I'm turning off comments for this post because I really don't feel like hearing everyone tell me that I'm going to want to become a mom someday cuz maybe I wont. And I don't want to hear everyone tell me that Dave and I need to decide on kids before we get married cuz we have tried to decide and we can't. We can't foresee the future and we can't plan for a future that either one of us is not sure we even want. We'll have to cross that bridge when we get there and I must admit that this situation makes me not as excited to get married or get anywhere near that bridge. For now, I'm feeling sad that this is something I feel so confused about and that this will be an issue in the future. Honesty, I'm also a little bit bitter that Dave isn't super excited to see our babies pop out of me someday. Most of my friends have had to beat their boyfriends/husbands off with sticks cuz their husbands are so excited to start baby-making and my friends are the ones that needed just a bit more time before they were ready. Why isn't Dave as excited as them??? Is it me? *sigh*
And it's that 'maybe someday I will' thought that has been invading my mind lately. Maybe someday my eyes will mist at the thought of seeing my belly swell. Maybe someday I'll want to hold a slimy, bloody baby in my arms. Maybe someday I'll blog about my kid and it's bowel movements and be the happiest mom to ever blog. Who knows?
What I do know is that the idea that someday I might want to have a baby and Dave might not has me questioning everything. As I told Dave the other day, I can't imagine myself ever wanting a kid but I also can't imagine myself ever not having kids. Should Dave and I even be talking about marriage if this might be an issue someday? A very BIG issue.
I feel like I'm in between a rock and a hard spot. Do I want Dave? Or do I want a family? I can't imagine my life without Dave. I've been in other long term relationships and I've never found anyone who has made me fall so completely head over heels. Someone who makes me so happy. On the flip side, I can't imagine myself 90 with no kids, no grandkids, no one to take care of me. No one to watch me die. I can't imagine never knowing what it feels like to be nine months pregnant. Not ever knowing what it feels like to give birth. Not ever knowing what it feels like to love something that came from me.
*sigh* What to do? What to do? I'm turning off comments for this post because I really don't feel like hearing everyone tell me that I'm going to want to become a mom someday cuz maybe I wont. And I don't want to hear everyone tell me that Dave and I need to decide on kids before we get married cuz we have tried to decide and we can't. We can't foresee the future and we can't plan for a future that either one of us is not sure we even want. We'll have to cross that bridge when we get there and I must admit that this situation makes me not as excited to get married or get anywhere near that bridge. For now, I'm feeling sad that this is something I feel so confused about and that this will be an issue in the future. Honesty, I'm also a little bit bitter that Dave isn't super excited to see our babies pop out of me someday. Most of my friends have had to beat their boyfriends/husbands off with sticks cuz their husbands are so excited to start baby-making and my friends are the ones that needed just a bit more time before they were ready. Why isn't Dave as excited as them??? Is it me? *sigh*
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Pictures
Us at the Foundation Gala.
Melissa Etheridge sang! WOOO!!!
Last weekend, I took Dave to my college-town for the 1st time ever. We watched a football game, ate dinner with my Dad, and had lunch the next day with my Mom. I had a fun time showing Dave around Fresno and Dave had a fun time seeing my old college stomping grounds. I miss Fresno sometimes ;-/
When we first arrived in town I was super excited to show Dave my dream home. This house is a 4,000 sq foot model home with this really cool courtyard in the center. Every room in the house has a window view of the courtyard. I love this house!!! When I first saw the house it was selling for $250,000 (in my opinion, a decent price for a 5 bedroom unique house). Now, 3 years later the house is selling for over $1.2 million! Holy Cow!!!
Melissa Etheridge sang! WOOO!!!
Last weekend, I took Dave to my college-town for the 1st time ever. We watched a football game, ate dinner with my Dad, and had lunch the next day with my Mom. I had a fun time showing Dave around Fresno and Dave had a fun time seeing my old college stomping grounds. I miss Fresno sometimes ;-/
When we first arrived in town I was super excited to show Dave my dream home. This house is a 4,000 sq foot model home with this really cool courtyard in the center. Every room in the house has a window view of the courtyard. I love this house!!! When I first saw the house it was selling for $250,000 (in my opinion, a decent price for a 5 bedroom unique house). Now, 3 years later the house is selling for over $1.2 million! Holy Cow!!!
Monday, October 17, 2005
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)