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Dave's friend Ryan just called Dave's mom to tell her that he was engaged. Let's think about that: Ryan called the MOM of a good buddy cuz he's so darn excited about being engaged. Is there anyone else left to call and share his excitement with??? He might as well start a website dedicated to his joy. Oye Vey.

Errrr!!!! Why am I so jealous about this??? Do I really want to be engaged to Dave that much??? (answer: maybe). Are Dave and I even ready for that HUGE step??? (answer: no but we're getting there). Am I even ready for that huge step??? (answer: not yet). Do I want Dave to be that excited on the day we get engaged??? (answer: yes, with all my heart). What happens if Dave doesn't act as excited as Ryan??? (answer: I'll be even more jealous).

Does Dave even think about marrying me or proposing to me???

Definition of Love

Love is when you're sick with the 24 hour stomach flu and your boyfriend comes over with a cartoon of sherbert ice cream (cuz it's the only thing you can keep down) to fix your DVD player so that you can watch endless hours of Sex and the City and The Notebook.

PS I still wanted to hump the boy even though I had a fever, chills, nasty stomach issues, and a head full of matted hair. I can't help it! The boy is tall, so sexy and incredibly sweet!!!! Plus the blue eyes!!! I'm a sucker for his blue eyes. *drool* I controlled myself though ;-)

Home Sweet Home

On Sunday, Dave and I put a deposit down on an apartment! WOOO!! I'll be even more excited when we actually move into the apartment and are of the rommate hell hole that we currently exist. 32 more days!!!!

Birthday was good. Everything turned out nice. No big surprises which I can't help but feel a bit dissapointed by. But everything went just as I had asked for.

I've been formal dress shopping the last few days because Dave and I have a black tie charity event in 2 weeks. YAY! I love black tie formals. Especially this one since it will be held in San Francisco and that's always fun. Dress shopping hasn't been so fun though. I've gained 15 pounds since the last formal and I'm not to happy with my upper body. I just wish my arms and back were a bit more toned like they were before I gained these last 8 pounds. Errr!!! I did find an ok cute black dress but I'm still going to continue looking. This dress is ok and makes me look slim but it's very similiar to the last 10 dresses I've worn to sorority formals and black tie events over the last 5 years. In fact, it looks EXACTLY like this pink formal I wore my senior year in college. I was really hoping for something different. Time for more shopping!!!

Happy Birthday to ME!

Oh dear. I wanted to marry the lady who gave me my message at the day spa. Her hands and me would have be happy together forever. Happy.

I think the highlight of my day so far has been the egreeting I got from Dave's Mom. In it she told me that she was very happy that I was in his life!!! AWWWW!!!! I wrote back and told her that words can't describe how happy I am to be a part of their son's life.

I adore that woman.

Last Ranting of A 24 Year Old Woman

I've been slaving away at work like a mad woman. Seriously. My days consist mostly of me working long hours, eating, working out, and sleeping. I have a HUGE deadline on May 2nd and I can't wait for it to be met so that I can finally relax again.

My roommates are complete assholes. Both have been super cold to me lately for I have no idea what reason. I really can't do right by those boys. I clean and they complain about the smell. I cook and they complain. I stay in my room and they complain that I'm being antisocial. I tell them how I feel and they complain that I'm being a bitch. I complain when they have loud parties and they hate me. Whatever.

My birthdays coming up TOMORROW!!! I'll be 25! (YAY! Now I can rent cars without having to pay an extra fee. hehe!) I'm really hoping that Dave does something romantic for me but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. Dave has asked me repeatedly what I want for my bday and I've told him the new Jack Johnson CD, flowers, and a lock for my bedroom door cuz I don't trust the boys. I really hate it when he asks me what I want versus trying his hardest to think of what I might like and surprising me. My plans for the day are a pancake breakfast, message and pedicure at the day spa, and dinner at Blue Agave (mmm!).

The Story of 3 Couples

Once upon a time there were 3 couples who all began dating about the same time (August 2004). All 6 people were about the same age (4 were late 20s and 2 were mid 20s). All had good jobs.

The 1st couple is Dave and me.

The 2nd couple is Chris and Kathleen. Chris and Kathleen work together at the same corporate office that Dave works at and had been both been married before. Both are in their late 20s. Their relationship progressed rather fast. They began living together after dating only 2 months. This didn't bother me since Chris & Kathleen were both more experienced in relationships then Dave and I were. Plus I kinda thought that they were moving just a lil bit faster than I wanted Dave and me to move. After dating for 6 months, Chris and Kathleen broke up due to mostly past baggage.

The 3rd couple is Ryan and Tamar. Ryan is the same age as Dave (29) while Tamar is the same age as me (25-ish). Both live and work in the city in the banking industry. When Ryan and Tamar began living together in February it made me a bit upset. Mostly because at the time I was wishing that Dave and I would live together and that Dave would take the first step and ask me to move in with him.

Dave and I just found out yesterday that after taking a vacation to Hawaii, Ryan and Tamar are engaged and will be married next fall. Engaged!! Oye Vey. I can't even began to describe how crushed I was after hearing this news. Not because I wanted to be the 1st couple to be engaged or even because I think Dave and I are ready for engagement. I think what bothers me is that Dave and I don't even talk about marriage. He has told me that someday he would like to be married and that we're dating and heading towards marriage someday (or else we wouldn't be dating). But we don't really talk about OUR future, marriage and all that involves. Does Dave think of me as being 'The One'???? I must admit that we are moving in together and that is a HUGE step and maybe this will lead to future discussions so I want to be patient. But I'm still crushed. And a bit angry for some reason. It didn't help that last night I was watched the episode of Sex in the City where Carrie gets engaged and is given the perfect ring. I know that it will all happen in due time but I'm left wondering when my time will be???

Palabras de Amor

Me: I'm so glad that you're here by my side to take my abuse ;-)
Him: I'm glad that you're here by my side to take my abuse too ;-D
Me: That makes me happy.
Him: Now the question is who takes more abuse?
Me: Definetely me. I'm the abused one.
Him: No way! I'm the abused one.
Me: I hope that we are here to abuse each other for a long time.
Him: Me too.

Oh Dear. I am soooo in love with that boy. IN LOVE. I never knew things could be this good or that I could be this happy! It scares me to think that things could ever become bad between us. I just can't imagine it.

Watch My Head Explode in Randomness

I have lots to say but have been so damn busy that I haven't had time to put it on my blog. So here's a really boring catch up post.

I spent the last week at a conference for work. It's nice to be back home in Dave's arms and to be back at work cuz I have a crap load of work that needs to get done!

Last weekend, I looked at more apartments. I'm starting to get really frustrated. All the really cute places that are newer with nice kitchen cabinets, appliances, bathrooms, flooring, etc. are all between $1600-1800 a month. I am not paying $1800 for a 2 bedroom apartment!!! There are still the 2 that I found the weekend before last and they are ok but just not the newest and cutest and they are still $1400 per month. I'm hoping that Dave and I are able to make a final decision by next weekend!!! EEEEE!!!!

Other weekend activities: Dave and I went to eat dinner with his cousin Tim who is watching the 2.5 year old and 7 month old baby alone for the next few days while their mom got a girls weekend away. I really really adore those kids. They are just soooo well mannered and good hearted. The 2.5 year old favors me and I LOVE that. Too Cute.

I also cleaned the entire house this weekend (I've been gone the past 2 weeks and the house was nasty dirty). Not once did the boys thank me. In fact, they both complained about the smell the entire time. Sorry that I used Pine Sol! And Steve is being a major BRAT lately. Not sure why since I've done NOTHING to him. Scott and Steve's gf are way meaner to Steve and walk all over him and Steve just takes it. I think he's just channeling his aggresion out on me and I don't know why. Honestly, I'm nothing but cordial to the boy. We don't really have a lot in common so I do my own thing and he does his own thing. We have a common wall and share the same bathroom. That's the limit to our interaction. Whatever. I'm so over those boys and ready to move out!!! Just a little over a month! YAY ;-D

Oh God!!

I'm not ashamed to say that I've had my fair share of sex in the past. And I'm not ashamed to say that I've had a few more then my fair share of sexual partners in the past. I also know that Dave has had his fair of sex in the past. We've never discussed it cuz I really don't think it's something that needs to be discussed but the boy is tall, good looking, blue eyed, complete sweatheart, and was in a fraternity in college. I'm not stupid. Plenty of sex was had.

Yet, for the first time ever, I am left with this wish that Dave and I were able to be each others first. The first to see each other naked. The first to make each other go crazy. The first to feel truely intimate with each other. I've NEVER been this sexually connected with another person and it makes me cringe at the thought that another woman has experienced him and his love in the same way I experience it.

However, I must thank all the previous ladies in his life. Without them maybe Dave wouldn't be so damn good in bed ;-D Life's a trade off and I wont ever be Dave's first but hopefully I can be Dave's last. That thought makes me very happy!

Trying to Find My Home

I've been apartment hunting like a mad woman this weekend. I've seen 11 apartment complexes so far and still have 9 more to go. WOO!! Actually, it's been fun. I'm enjoying looking at all of our different options, visualizing how each one would work for us, and being picky! So far I have 2 favorites that are newer and not too expensive.

This weekend I also went shopping in downtown with my new friend Jen. Lots of fun. I'm really enjoying our new friendship and I really enjoyed shopping for home decorations!!! I got this super cute vase which is soooo pretty. Yay ;-D

Now it's time for me to pack for my week long trip to Davis (near Sacramento) for work. Wooo ;-/

Sex and the (Fresno) City

It's nice to be back from my meeting in Fresno. Fresno was fun. Got to see some of my sorority sisters, attend a bit of Sigma Chi Derby Days, eat separate dinners with my Mom and Dad, and hang out with Brit a bit.

I had planned on attending more of Derby Days (a giant party where Fresno State sororities compete against each other in a week long contest) but I was kind of over the whole sorority cattyness. I just don't get jolly anymore out of trying to be the skinniest, prettiest, best dressed sorority who gets all the boys and drinks the most. I must be growing up.

My meeting went REALLY well. I met some super huge people from my NHQ who were really impressed with a presentation I gave. I even got offer to work at my NHQ for 30 days and I'm SUPER excited about that plus it'll look great on my resume. We'll see how everything works though. Sometimes things fall through and I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up too much.

I drove home on Thursday and spent most of the evening vegging a bit. I watched this really cute episode from Season 3 where the girls head out to la-la-land on vacay. Hehe. That episode just reminded me how much I LOVE California. Some of the generalizations they made fun of, are really true. We really are so much more laid back and health conscious here. Don't even think of trying to be a smoker!!! A nice way to end a hectic week.

Hey, I know you!

About 7 months ago I had blogged about my worry that I would never know Dave as well as I knew Jay. Stuff like favorite songs, favorite sandwich toppings, favorite comfort food, childhood memories, intense dislikes, family history, etc. All the little things that come after knowing someone for so long. After 8 months of dating, I can say that I know Dave and that is one of the greatest feelings. And even better is saying that Dave knows me ;-)

Sunday, we went to the birthday party and had fondue. Mmmmm... It was different that what I had imagined but still super good. It was also a very fun party food for everyone to enjoy together. Highlight of the party was spending time with little Matthew, watching VeggieTales. The episode we watched was one where the lil veggies were in the desert and the sheep kept falling over on themselves. TOO CUTE. Even cuter is that lil Matthew has started including me in his night time prayers!! AWWWWW!!!!

When Dave and I got home we went to bed to rest and watch Ray (good movie, good music, sad story). After Ray, we were laying there and Dave asked me to move in with him. Let me repeat that: DAVE ASKED ME TO MOVE IN WITH HIM!!!!! DAVE AND I ARE MOVING IN TOGETHER!!!! EEEEEE!!!! Holy f'ing cow!!!! I still can't believe that he finally asked me ;-D Must breathe. ;-D So now the only part that sucks is that for the next 2 weeks I'll be gone for work when I could be home looking for OUR house/condo/apartment. EEEEeeee!!!!

La, La, LAAA!!

Oh Dear Lord. I am in love. LOVE I tell ya! I just adore that boy. Can he be any more perfect for me???

Playing in the snow on Saturday was LOTS of fun. No pictures but I did bring my video camera and got lots of video of Dave and me falling. Lake Tahoe was absolutely GORGEOUS. The mountains and pine trees were covered with the fluffiest, white snow. It couldn't have been any more gorgeous. The only bad parts of the day were that I popped our super big 56 inch tube by running into a tree, a couple who was really rude and refused to keep clear of our snow run, and Dave tried hitting a super big jump and ended up landing on his head thus hurting his back. But with the good always come the bad and the few bad things that happened were not enough to ruin our trip.

During our trip, Dave talked about us living together which always makes me happy. Nothing big or serious but lots of casual talk such as what small things we will need when we move in together and joking around with each other about what bachelor pad items are marked for Salvation Army. ;-)

Things That Make Me Happy:

1. I just got back from the dentist's office. No cavities. YAY ;-D

2. Tonight my wonderful-hot-sexy-adorable-just-about-perfect-boyfriend will be taking me to SUSHI and ice cream. Yum ;-9 Do I need to remind everyone how much I LOVE sushi. *drool*

3. Tomorrow we are making a day trip to Lake Tahoe to do some playing in the snow.

4. Sunday we are heading to a birthday party where there will be fondue. Mmmm ... fondue. PS I've never had fondue but how could you go wrong with melted cheese and chocolate!!!

5. I'm pretty sure that I'll be getting sex tonight! WOOOO!!!!

Lovely Randomness

I was driving home yesterday and I was looking at the scenery outside and all I could think was how beautiful it is here. I couldn't do much else but stare in awe at the lush green hills, bright blue skies, rolling vineyards as I felt the bay breeze float by my face. Wow. I can't believe that this is my home. Simply lovely.

In other randomness, Dave and I were joking around the other night and Dave made a reference to him being a bachelor. I told him that he was NOT a bachelor. Dave responded that yes he was a bachelor because he wasn't married. I told him that he's still not classified as a bachelor. He asked me what he was then and I told him he's in limbo. ;-D

'Blah, Blah, Blah' is What He Said

Last night after my softball practice and Dave's baseball game, we had a big talk. As Dave could see, I'm super stressed at work and I'm super stressed out by the boys at home and I'm super stressed out by my parents 24/7 and I'm super stressed out by Dave and whether he wants to live with me or not. And me being stressed out is kind of unusual. I am ALWAYS the laid back one. The one who goes with the flow. The one who is always patient, with the smile on my face, and the optimistic view. I am soooo typical NorCal laid back and I like that.

So Dave came over and we talked about the living situation since that's pretty much 1/2 of the reason I'm Miss Little Stress Ball 2005. I told him that he's just not ready and I need to be ok with that and I hate feeling like I'm pressuring him cuz I know that I'm so excited about living with him and he's just not as excited about it and that's ok cuz we've only been dating 8 months. At this point we have nothing but time. But I do need to get out of my house cuz living with the boys who think they are 'rock stars' and I am their personal assistant is driving me batty and terribly unhappy. My proposal was that I move out with someone else and we table the living together debate for another 6 months to a year.

He was having none of that. Dave told me that he DOES want to move out with me in the very near future. It's no longer an issue for him of IF we'll live together but WHEN we'll live together. It's just that living together is such a HUGE issue for him and pretty much means engagement in his eyes. (Ok does he know that I have a small commitment fear and the idea of engagement freaks me out! Must breathe.) He told me that I just need to hold out a bit longer and under no circumstances should I consider moving out with anyone else. I'm semi-fine with this since as I've said before, Dave is the one I want to live with. But dammit. How much longer do I have to wait???? I'm fed up with waiting. It's been a month and a half since the original idea was even brought up. I'm starting to get angry and a bit like a savage woman who needs medications and a back rub to calm down. Stay out of the way of the savage woman!

And to make things a little bit worse, he's been talking to his mom about the living together topic. To get things straight, I love, love, LOVE his mom but I'm horribly embarrassed that she knows about this. I always imagined that one day we would tell his parents together that WE have decided to live with each other. NOT that his mom would know that a fucking long ass time ago I brought up the subject and Dave has taken so long to finally give the final yes. ERRRRRRR!!!!!

Must breathe. Bad energy out. Good energy in.

The highlight of the night was that Dave did start asking me questions about what features I wanted in OUR new place and where I would want to be located. My answer: close to downtown, 2 bedrooms at least, and washer/dryer in the apartment are a must! His answer: same as mine but with a pool and spa. Dave does deserve the bf of the year award. He's just so damn good at handling me when I'm pissy. Holding me, listening to me and letting me cry while at the same time being so open to me about how he feels. Dammit. I wish he wasn't so great so that I could muster up a little anger at him!

Broken & Tired

I'm getting shin splits again. Dammit. It looks like I wont be running Bay to Breakers since I can't even run/walk 4 miles without getting shooting pains up the inside of my calf muscle ;-(

In other news, I've been sleeping like crap lately and it's starting to take a huge toll on my body and mind. I'm exhausted, cranky and I feel like crying every 4 seconds. I need to talk to Dave tonight or tomorrow and let him know what I've been thinking about the the whole living together situation. I'm just really confused. A HUGE part of me is tired of waiting for him to make up his mind and feeling like I'm dependent on his decision. He's just not ready and I need to accept that and move out with someone else. But there's another HUGE part of me that wants to be patient and wait for him to be ready cuz really he's the one I want to live with. Errr!

Fools Rush In

The other day I was reading an advice column in our local paper and it really made me think. The topic was women who put too much emphasis on marriage and rushing to the alter after a specific time period has elapsed. The advice columnist stressed that women need to realize that the important thing is whether you are willing to live the rest of your life with this person and not how big of a rock they put on your finger and when that rock comes. Instead of obsessing over future wedding plans, the woman should spend her time exploring her interests and developing new friendships.

The column made me realize that I have become a little engagement-centric over the past few months. In my heart and head, I have this feeling that Dave is so right for me and I'm loving that feeling (esp since I've never had it before). I think I need to take a small step back and stop rushing Dave for a higher level of commitment (ie moving in together). I just need to relish the fact that I have Dave today and that is a great feeling in itself.

PS I must confess that I still really REALLY want Dave and me to move in together. But if he's not ready yet then I need to accept that and move on.

PPS Scott has been throwing his little tantrums lately and I am getting sick of it!!!

PPPS I love me some Sex and the City. So good. So my life.

Syran Wrap Dreams

Last night I had a bad dream in which I cheated on Dave with my high school bf, Chris Luis. During one part of the dream I asked Chris to use a condom and instead he wrapped himself in syran wrap. Haha! In my dream I was very upset that I was going to have sex with someone other then Dave yet I felt a weird obligation to go forth with my deceit.

I think this feeling of guilt over cheating came from last night's dinner experience. I went to a sushi restaurant located in the hotel to dine alone. A man who was also dining alone kept asking me questions about the book I brought to read (Wuthering Heights). He was flirting with me and I was being nice back to him (but not flirting back!) The experience made me realize how easy it is to feel alone when traveling and to enjoy the attention of someone who is flirting with you. If I didn't love and adore Dave so damn much then I might have been tempted to flirt back and let things get out of control. Scary!

The Secret Sisterhood

Lately, I notice wedding rings all the time. I cant help myself. My eyes are drawn to the left hand of every woman I see. I stare at their diamonds with a sense of longing. I feel so left out like they are some secret sisterhood that I am not a member of yet. It leaves me wondering when my diamond ring will come and will it come from Dave?