Happy Valentine's Day

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- ee cummings

Dave's E-Ring Cont'd

Before


After - Our new 56" HDTV ;-D Dave is in love with the TV. I'm in love with the TV stand ;-p

Dave's Engagement Ring

FMIL

You are the mother I received
The day I wed your son.
And I just want to thank you
For all the things you've done.
You've given me a gracious man
With whom I share my life.
You are his loving mother and
I his lucky wife.
You used to pat his little head,
And now I hold his hand.
You raised in love a little boy
And gave to me a man.

Death Cab For Cutie

When you need directions,
I'll be the guide.
For All Time

4 Things

4 Jobs I've had in my life:
1. Environmental Planner
2. Biologist
3. Entomology Research Assistant (I did a project on ants)
4. Viticulture Research Assistant (viticulture = grapes & wine)
PS Those are the only 4 jobs I've had for my entire life!

4 movies I could watch over & over again:
1. The Notebook
2. Blue Crush
3. Legally Blonde
4. The Secretary

4 places I have lived:
1. Southern California (Riverside)
2. Central California (Fresno)
3. Salinas Valley (Gilroy - Garlic capitol of the world)
4. Bay Area (near San Francisco)

4 TV shows I love to watch:
1. CSI Las Vegas
2. How I Met Your Mother
3. My Name is Earl
4. Beyond the Bull

4 places I have been on vacation:
1. Hawaii (Oahu)
2. South Lake Tahoe
3. Point Arena (a cute beach town on the NorCal coast)
4. The Gorge in Washington

4 websites I visit daily:
1. perezhilton.com
2. dooce.com
3. verymom.com
4. lots of blogs!

4 of my favorite foods:
1. sushi
2. chocolate
3. anything sweet that doesn't have nuts
4. pizza

4 places I'd rather be right now:
1. In my bf's arms
2. In Cabo (26 more days!)
3. On my couch watching TLC
4. In a mountain lodge while it's snowing

4 musicians/bands I can't live without:
1. Dave Matthews Band
2. Death Cab for Cutie
3. Modest Mouse
4. Bob Marley

Forever & For Always

In your arms I can still feel the way you
want me when you hold me
I can still hear the words you whispered
when you told me
I can stay right here forever in your arms

And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way--
and there ain't not how
I'll never see that day....

'Cause I'm keeping you
forever and for always
We will be together all of our day
Wanna wake up every
morning to your sweet face--always

Mmmm, baby
In your heart--I can still hear
a beat for every time you kiss me
And when we're apart,
I know how much you miss me
I can feel your love for me in your heart

And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't now way--
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....

(I wanna wake up every morning)

In your eyes--(I can still see
the look of the one) I can still see
the look of the one who really loves me
(I can still feel the way that you want)
The one who wouldn't put anything
else in the world above me
(I can still see love for me) I can
still see love for me in your eyes
(I still see the love)

And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way--
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....

'Cause I'm keeping you
forever and for always
We will be together all of our day
Wanna wake up every
morning to your sweet face--always

I'm keeping you forever and for always
I'm in your arms

Pre-Marital Hell

Dave and I began our 1st session of pre-marital counseling yesterday. UGHHHHHHHH ... I never knew that discussing our relationship with a therapist would be so difficult. It's not that there are any problems with the relationship or that I was worried about saying the wrong thing. I don't know. It's really hard to explain but believe me when I say that it was difficult and extremely stressful!!! I went home afterwards and just wanted to take a long nap!

Wooo! 4-6 more sessions!

Sleepless Dreams

Dream #1 - It was 8:30pm, Dave and I were laying in bed. Dave announces that he needs to go to several stores to get some shopping done. I get upset cuz I don't understand why he didn't do the shopping earlier in the evening or why he can't wait until the weekend. Dave invites me to go shopping with him so I do.

We're driving up 680 and we start to see houses falling down the hillsides. We turn on the radio and hear a newscast saying that due to high temps and then sudden rainstorms the shrink/swell soil is refusing to absorb any water and therefore landslides and flooding are occurring. All of a sudden we turn a corner on the freeway and we're caught up in a flooded area. We get out of the car, Dave takes my hand, and we wade through the water to safety. We're wet and cold but I'm very thankful that I decided to go shopping with Dave cuz otherwise he would have been caught up in the storm by himself.

We walk for sometime until we reach a rescue center that is filled with other people. Dave and I go to the top floor where we see a coworker of mine (J). She wasn't in the flood but she's there anyways. Another coworker of ours (G) had died in the flood (we randomly saw him on the freeway in another car alongside us). I go to tell J that G died and she becomes really upset but refuses to let me hug her or comfort her. My feelings are hurt and I wake up.

Dream #2 - Dave's family and I are camping in he woods. Somehow my mom finds out where we are and comes to the campsite. My mom tries to make friends with everyone and is super fake. I tell her to leave cuz I don't want her there and I don't want people thinking she's a nice person cuz she's not. She leaves but then calls Dave's mom with some type of fake drama. Dave's mom falls for it and goes to 'rescue' my mom (my mom's car had stalled or something like that). I get upset cuz I don't want Dave's mom to fall into my mom's trap but Dave's mom ignores my pleas and goes off anyways. I'm really upset and I repeatedly try to call Dave's mom to try and convince her to come home. Each time she ignores my pleas and I become hysterically upset that Dave's mom is choosing my mom over me. I wake up again.

Dream #3 - Can't remember right now. Maybe I will later.

Dear Ex-BF

For the first time in a long time I wanted to call you yesterday. I wanted to hear what was going on in your life. I wanted to laugh at your stupid jokes like I used to do when we were together. I wanted to hear what you had planned for the holidays. I wanted to find out if there were any new ladies in your life.

But I didn't call you since you've made it so clear that you have no desire to be friends. It makes me so angry because I really don't know what I did to you to make you so hostile. I didn't cheat on you. I didn't steal money from you. I didn't promise you my future.

This summer I gave you a call in hopes that a year of being apart would have helped you heal and that you would be willing to treat me in a friendly manner. Unfortunately that wasn't true. It really makes me wonder if you ever cared for ME?? Did you ever care for my family? Did you ever care for my friends? Because if you cared for me or my friends/family in any way then you'd WANT to know what we're up to these days. You'd want to know if we're healthy and happy. Or maybe you're just THAT selfish and childish. All you can see is you and your pain.

Sometimes I feel like shaking you until you realize that people break up everyday. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because it really isn't the end of the world. I've never told you this because I know that it would just cause you more pain but I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I'm more in love with Dave then I ever though it was possible for two human beings to be in love with each other. It sounds so corny but Dave makes me a better person. I didn't like the person I was when I was with you. I really hope that someday you're able to move on and find a woman that will make you a better person and who will be as in love with you as I am with Dave.

I stopped reading your blog a few months ago because I realize that you don't want me to be a part of your life anymore. I'm not going to call you ever again even on the day that I become engaged. And I'm not going to send you any emails. I may not like that we're not friends but I have to respect your decision.

Have a nice life.

Uphill Battle

I didn't know it was possible, but this weekend has made me feel 10x closer to Dave then I was before. No special reason. He didn't do anything fantastic, tell me something romantic, or buy me any new things. Most of the holiday weekend we spent being lazy and everytime I looked at him I thought that my heart was going to goosh out with love cuz it's so full. I really can't descibe this wonderful feeling. I'm so in love with that boy! ;-D

In other less wonderful news, I joined ediets today. Ughhhh... I just haven't been able to lose weight and it's really starting to frustrate me. I exercise 5-6 times per week and eat healthier then most. I've lost 45 pounds TWICE before so I know that I can do it.

I'm hoping that ediets gives me the lil extra motivation I need to start losing weight. The program is only $2.99 per week and gives me a very detailed and flexible daily eating plan plus on on-line support system. The eating plan is almost too flexible cuz I spent several hours today being picky about what I was going to eat each day for the next week. I could have spent several more hours looking at all the choices! We'll see how this works out since it's going to change my current eating habits/patterns (and Dave's habits too). Tomorrow is my 1st day. Hopefully I'm able to lose 15-20 pounds by next March when Dave and I go to Cabo!

Life Lessons

NEVER drink heavily when your flight home departs at 8am the next morning. I thought I was going to die on the plane. Worst hangover EVER but totally worth it since I had a fantastic time with my sorority sister, Terry Ann, who recently moved to CO. If I could I would go back and replay that night a few times, I would. SOO much fun.

I think I've fallen a lil bit in love with Denver and it's chilly weather. *GASP* Who knew that I could love the cold???? It was so much fun to grab the big coat everytime I wanted to go outside. I really enjoyed sitting in my hotel room and watching the snow fall outside. I got back home to the 75 degree weather and couldn't help but miss the chily weather that made me feel so festive.

PS I might have a different tune to sing after multiple winters in the snow. But a week was nice!

Meet My New Friend

The Louis Vuitton Manhattan PM

Hi!

I'm in Denver for the week. It snowed yesterday! Snowed! I'm so cold and I didn't prepare myself for how freezing I would be in the tundra. When I flew in yesterday it was 75 and sunny at home so I wore flip flops, yoga pants, and a tank on the plane. I get to Denver and my toes almost fall off from frost bite while I was waiting for the hotel shuttle. I'm an idiot.

In other news, I watched Sideways and Fever Pitch last weekend. Sideways was so much more interesting that I ever thought it would be. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes wine or wants to see gorgeous views of Cali. Fever Pitch was good too but it was a much simpler, cuter romantic comedy that made my heart all moist ;-)

My Boyfriend's Halloween Costume

For Halloween, Dave and his coworkers were hooked up with costumes from one of his vendors. Can you guess which one is my boyfriend?

WBW: The Great Outdoors

Today Mama Duck's theme for Way Back Wednesday is 'the great outdoors'. Dave and I had only been dating a week when he came up with the idea of taking a few days off work and going camping up the NorCal coast. I think I instantly fell in love with him at the moment. Who can resist a romantic and spontaneous guy???

Our 1st vacation was short (2 days/1 night) but filled with lots of laughs and LOTS of sex. Damn. I miss all the sex we used to have ;-(

I'm Spoiled

Way Back Wednesday!

Today's Way Back Wednesday theme is pretty much 'whatever the hell you want the theme to be'. So I've decided to go with "Where I Live". I absolutely LOVE the Bay Area. Great weather, plentiful shopping, awesome cultures, and gorgeous scenery. If I had my choice I would live here the rest of my life but unfortunately home prices are so high that I don't think that will happen. (1 bedroom condos go for $650,000 not including the $500 per month HOA fees. outrageous)

Pic #1: The Bay Area hills that surround us. Most of the hills in my area are owned by a regional park district which means they'll never be developed. WOO!


Pic#2: My apartment complex. I can't imagine living in a more beautiful location. The lakes are serene, the wildlife is bountiful, and everything is just so green. Our own little oasis.

Polly Pissy Pants

6pm - Phone Call

Me: Hello

D: I'm on my way home. I'll be there in an hour.

Me: An hour? You only work 5 miles from where we live. Why is it gonna take you an hour to get home?

D: It just is.

Me: Ummm ... ok. Are you going to stop anywhere on your way home? (Dave is usually not an asshole so I'm super confused as to why he's being all short and moody with me on the phone)

D: I'm walking home.

Me: You're walking home??? Why?

D: I had a bad day at work. My car is getting smoged and my meeting got out late so there was no one at work to drive me to the auto shop and pick up the car. The auto shop is now closed so I have no car and I'm walking home.

Me: Let me pick you up! Where are you?

D: No. I'm walking home.

Me: I'll just drive to wherever you are and pick you up. Where are you?

D: No. I'm walking home.

Me: You can't walk all the way home. You're wearing a suit, tie, and dress shoes. Your feet will hurt by the time you get home.

D: No. I'm walking home.

Me: That's it. I'm coming to get you. Stay were you're at cuz I'm coming to get you and you have no choice about it.

D: *hangs up phone*

*sigh* You know what's weird? Dave and his moody little asshole antics last night made me love him even more then I did before. I'm not sure why but it did. I wasn't angry. I wasn't mad. I was just so happy to pick him up on the street corner and tell him that I loved him.

NOTE: Dave is really usually not an unreasonable asshole and I'm very lucky for that. Believe me, I've dated a few assholes in my past and it wasn't an enjoyable relationship. Also, note that Dave's attitude improved after I picked him up.

Happy November!

For some reason, I'm really excited that it's November. I'm not really sure why but maybe it's cuz the holidays are coming soon. Hmmm ....

I was a very good girl last night and didn't badger Dave at all last night. I think that I can get over this and finally learn to be a patient girlfriend. I really don't have any other choice. *sigh*

Someone mentioned in yesterday's comments, that maybe if I shut my mouth up then Dave would be more willing to propose faster. Been there, tried that. Up until last week, I've been very good at not bringing the whole marriage/engagement subject up. Except for a few occasions, I only talked about it if Dave began talks. Surprisingly, Dave talks about it a lot more then I expected (a very good thing I guess). If I was bursting at the seems and wanted to talk about anything wedding related then I came to my blog.

So I think that's part of what upset me so much last weekend when Dave told me his timeline of next year sometime. I was keeping my mouth shut and was expecting a proposal soon. *sigh* Well when I found out that it wasn't going to happen I let Dave know that I was hoping for sooner and I jokingly tried to negotiate for a more immediate time frame. I didn't nag him about my intense desire to get married asap instead I just was super moody about everything else the rest of the weekend. *sigh* Not the best thing to do but I think it was better then beating him over the head with a bridal book.