I don’t come from a family of smokers and none of my close friends are smokers either. If I heard that a casual acquaintance was quitting smoking I would often think “Good. They never should have started.” When I began dating Dave I always assumed that he would quit smoking someday and that it wouldn’t be a big deal. He wanted to quit and I wanted him to quit too. I’ve come to say I WAS WRONG. Quitting smoking is a Big Deal. Capitol “B”. Capitol “D”. Big Deal. (You can even add an emphatic “f’ing” between the Big Deal and it would be appropriate).
Dave officially quit smoking last Monday. During most of the week he was Depressed Dave. He was ending a way of life and it made him sad to think that never again in his life would he be able to embrace his usual cigarette tendencies. I even got a little sad when I realized that quitting smoking involved limiting his exposure to “triggers”. All those times we made a late night run to Starbucks and sipped coffee while basking in the California night, talking about random topics, became a trigger. Those evening walks through our neighborhood where we both decompressed and talked about our work days while Dave smoked, once again a trigger. Getting drunk together off of good beer and afterwards sharing a kiss, me tasting the sweet mix of beer and cigarettes on his breath, trigger. (Secretly I loved that mix of beer and cigarettes on his breath). I’m still sad when I think that so many components of our relationship revolved around Dave’s smoking habit and that (for now) they are gone.
This week Dave’s mood has changed from sad to angry. Despite taking Wellbutrin he becomes easily frustrated and is quite often moody. Angry Dave is much harder for me to deal with then Depressed Dave. With Depressed Dave I could easily tell him a few encouraging words and commiserate with him on the loss of trigger activities. Now that Angry Dave has come to town, there is not much that I can do besides replenish his supplies of hard candy and sunflower seeds. I’ve often thought about secretly putting multiple nicotine patches on his body in the middle of the night but I realize that with time Angry Dave will pass. (hopefully soon)
One things for certain, from now on if I hear that someone has quit smoking I will look at that person with a huge amount of respect. Quitting is a one of the hardest things that a person can do. It’s a Big Deal.
